Question for married mooters

[BeardofPants]

Not that it matters, but I once read an etiquette book (grandma present - typical, eh?), and it said that toilet paper must be folded OVER, not under.

[BeardofPants]

Oh Valandil, you realise I have to smack you silly for that one, don't you?

*looks around for a big smelly trout...*

[Rían]

Here's how it played out -

ME - The loose end of the toilet paper should be *how does one word this?!* AWAY from the wall, so the tp roll rolls TOWARDS you when you pull.

HUBBY - the loose end of the toilet paper should be NEXT TO the wall, so the tp roll rolls AWAY from you when you pull it.

Hubby then demonstrated how when it's HIS way, it's easier to just kinda give it a little nudge *good grief, I need a demo video or something!* and you get a nice amount of paper all ready to be torn off. I thought my way was just as good, but finally decided that I could make this concession to him, since he was more important than which way the tp hung, and have since actually come to agree with him and prefer his way now (altho this is not always the case).

So when I need to hang a new roll, I always hang the tp HIS way. And what, you may wonder, does HE do? When he has occasion to put a new roll on, he hangs it MY way! (altho when I switch it back to his way, he leaves it!) And it's always just a funny little "love note" to see the tp hanging the way that I used to like it.

A good sense of humor is vital in a good relationship, IMHO

[Valandil]

OK, Oh Miss Smarty-of-Pants, if you REALLY want to take this thread in that direction...

Anyway, I'M not starting up the next thread... I'd just as soon hang a roll in Rian's bathroom when I was visiting...

Now I HEARD, the TP companies once did a major study and found out people used like about 25% less TP when the paper came down against the wall. Then OF COURSE those TP companies conspired to SUPPRESS THE TRUTH so that all people everywhere would continue to use more TP than they really needed to!!! (shouldnta got me started!!! )

So anyhow... if YOU want to start this thread, hang it up there, baby!

[brownjenkins]

i have three boys and all i can say is actually having toilet paper is a blessing... no matter how it hangs

[Rían]

OK, Arien, we all want to hear how you and Fëanáro hang the paper!

[Valandil]

Rian! Trying to start their first fight???

[Rían]

I can't stand it - I gotta know!!

[Earniel]

*snigger*

I never thought I'd see the day when people on the entmoot are discussing which way the paper roll should hang. Life does seem to have at least some sense of humour....

[Rían]

'Fess up, Eärniel - which way do YOU hang it?

[Lizra]

It hangs "my way" at our house, my husband does not care. Of course that way would be with the loose end on the outside, not getting lost behind the roll, up against the wall.

[Arien the Maia]

Originally posted by RÃ*an
OK, Arien, we all want to hear how you and Fëanáro hang the paper!

That was TOO funny! Actually I prefer for it to hang over rather than under but I don't think taht either one of us really tries to put it a specific way....although since we are on the subject of bethroom etiquette...the one thing that I can't stand is when he leaves a wet towel all bunched up on the towel rack instead of straightening it out so it can dry....It just starts to smell if you don't!!!!

[Rían]

Do what a friend of mine did when her kids kept doing that - she would put the wet towel under the bedspread right on their pillow, so when they went to bed - yuck! a wet pillow! They learned fast!

On second thought, maybe not ... it might just be a loving wifely thing to straighten it out for him as you thank God for blessing you with such a lovely husband ... or maybe do that towel snap thing to him! Wet towels are great for that!

[Earniel]

Originally posted by RÃ*an
'Fess up, Eärniel - which way do YOU hang it?

Whatever way I hold the roll in my hand. Over or under, doesn't matter, as long as I can get to the paper. I don't think anyone of my family pays much attention to how it hangs. That's why I think it's such a hilarious thing to discuss.

[Lizra]

Over the years, I have learned (for us) it's not about what's "fair", you know...the way you argue with siblings or casual friends. "Tit for tat" doesn't work for us. I "do" for him, the things he is too busy or uninterested in (towel hanging, meal preparing, clothes putting away, grocery shopping, present buying, money management, whatever!) and he does for me what I can't/won't do. (lawn mowing, land care, car care, computer wrangling, protection ) Of course, I do not have a job outside the home. After we got into the kid thing, the money I could make didn't seem to be worth the hassle. Having me stay home and make things run, so that he can focus on earning money keeps our life sane. It would be just too hard to do the two career family thing, our marriage would be at risk! Women are not superwomen (having a full time job and running the house too) but men are not supermen either. So.....I always ask myself, "can I do this to help him out?" and that elicits the same response from him...thus we both feel loved.
I know lots of other families have found different ways to work things out though!

[Artanis]

May I put in some thoughts from a two-career family? I'm certainly not a super-woman, nor is my husband a super-man, but we still both have full-time jobs and we have three kids. And no one runs the house! I could not have worked 100% and still had all the responsibility at home. If I had thought hubby was the type of man who would have left me with all the housework, I would not have married him. But he isn't that type of man, and I consider myself very lucky to have him, because men like him are not easy to find. He has of course a lot of other good sides, as well as being good-looking *droools* OK, I'll stop now, before this gets out of hand ...

So, now we both do whatever needs to be done at home, there and then. But I must say 'what needs to be done' has changed a bit through the years. I have lowered my standards since our first child was born. Some would say it was low back then too, my mom for instance. I realised long ago that I'll never be a good housewife, but at least I always kept the place tidy. It's different now ... I've developed a higher tolerance level to dust and disorder. We've been thinking of hiring someone to clean the house for us once a week, we've got many friends that have done so and they're recommending it.

About quarrels: What we have argued most about is communication. There have been situations when I have been disappointed and hurt because I was thinking he didn't listen to or cared about things that I said, things that were important to me but which he seemed to overhear or ignore. But when I finally did confront him with it, with much anger and frustration, it turned out that he really hadn't got the message. He had not understood what I really meant to say, and how important it had been for me. And thinking back I realised that he was right, I had been beating around the bush, hinting at things and expected him to read the signs. But I know now that I cannot expect him to read my mind, and that I have to say things clearly and straight out. I know it, and I do it much better now than before, but it is so damned hard! Isn't this the classical Mars and Venus thing. I wonder, does anyone else recognise this pattern? It turned out to be very common among our married friends.

Btw, before someone ask: I prefer the paper to hang over. If it does not hang over, I just change it. No quarrel.

[Lizra]

Those kind of guys are special! My husband is a (sexy) sweet, pussycat....but that much multi-tasking would stress him out so badly.....Heart attack! Besides, I like being in charge!

I'd do the cleaning person thing...heck, use your wonderful paycheck to help yourself out!

The communucation can only improve! When you are newly wed...you have ideals about how it "should be"....but it rarely turns out to be that way. So, many "fights" or clearings of the air later, my husband (who is the silent type) has learned, to get what he wants, the best thing to do is to come right out and say it, fairly bluntly. (I like that! ) Now I still have a little trouble getting him to stick around very long if debate is required....and I have to watch my impulse to say NO! without really thinking about it. (if this is really something he wants, I should try to make it happen...not stop it) Yes...Listen to your partner!

[Artanis]

Originally posted by Lizra
Besides, I like being in charge!

Right, that's another thing I had to learn: To let him do things his way! I don't watch any longer when he's cooking dinner, I did before, and commented all too much, until he threw me out from the kitchen. He made a cake once with his drill, since our kitchen machine was broken. The cake tasted good!

[Lizra]

With a drill! My son might enjoy that one!

[Arien the Maia]

Originally posted by Lizra
Over the years, I have learned (for us) it's not about what's "fair", you know...the way you argue with siblings or casual friends. "Tit for tat" doesn't work for us. I "do" for him, the things he is too busy or uninterested in (towel hanging, meal preparing, clothes putting away, grocery shopping, present buying, money management, whatever!) and he does for me what I can't/won't do. (lawn mowing, land care, car care, computer wrangling, protection ) Of course, I do not have a job outside the home. After we got into the kid thing, the money I could make didn't seem to be worth the hassle. Having me stay home and make things run, so that he can focus on earning money keeps our life sane. It would be just too hard to do the two career family thing, our marriage would be at risk! Women are not superwomen (having a full time job and running the house too) but men are not supermen either. So.....I always ask myself, "can I do this to help him out?" and that elicits the same response from him...thus we both feel loved.
I know lots of other families have found different ways to work things out though!

Yes, I would like to stay at home with the kids too (when we eventually have them ) although I'm going to have to work for a few yesrs untill he finishes his degree up...then I would only like to work part time...I agree that having one parent home handling all the home problems and such definately helps the marriage!