04-21-2003, 07:03 PM | #21 |
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From what I've heard, that's what a lot of professional authors actually do: write the framework - dialogue and action - and then fill in the gaps.
I don't do that myself, as I'm sort of a paragraph-by-paragraph perfectionist (a "basher", as Kurt Vonnegut would say), but it seems to work really well for some people.
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04-21-2003, 07:06 PM | #22 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Kiel,Wisconsi
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did u actually read threw all of it iron parot?
Did you read threw it all iron parot, if so, what was you rfavorite part, and did it all pretty much make sense to you?
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04-21-2003, 09:01 PM | #23 |
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
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I'll tell you, goodwarlord, when I do finish reading your story. It could take me a while though; your story is a good deal longer than all the other ones posted on this forum so far.
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04-21-2003, 09:37 PM | #24 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Kiel,Wisconsi
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ok thanx
ok, so make sure u tell me.
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04-22-2003, 01:49 AM | #25 | |
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Is the little introduction (prior to the Chapter One heading) actually part of the work, or just an introduction to get us into the story? Because it does seem a little out of place. Instead of relying on an opening synopsis like that, you should reveal it within the action itself. While the "opening scroll" technique works in Star Wars as a stylistic novelist, I would advise against it in the context of a written work.
One of the reasons is that right off the bat, I'm a bit overwhelmed with all the names. You establish pretty quickly that this is on a different planet: to me, calling it "the planet of Urtins" points a bit in the sci-fi direction, and it's not until later (around chapter 5) that you use "planet" again, establishing that the characters have some consciousness of worlds besides this one. Quote:
Right now, it feels a bit muddled. What you might want to do is space it out a bit. Don't overload the reader with too many names earlier on: if the names are going to be outlandish, drill them in firmly before you add more characters or places to the fray. You've created a whole other world there, and that's a good start: now draw the reader into it, and do it right at the beginning, so he doesn't lose interest. Also, I'm not going to nitpick here yet, but it does need a fair bit of technical proofreading here and there; that can be taken care of at your discretion, though.
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04-22-2003, 07:12 PM | #26 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Kiel,Wisconsi
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please lay down the law, and nitpick
I need soem critiscm, so just read threw it, and pick out little things that need some major work k?
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04-26-2003, 08:11 PM | #27 |
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
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All right, I've finished reading your story now, Goodwarlord. It's pretty good, and I especially enjoyed the end . At that point, everything became more unified and understandable. The action became more fast paced at that point and ready to draw the reader along. That was my experience, anyhow.
What the work really looks like to me is a transition piece. It's a good work, but you will become better. It looks a little similar to some of my earlier writing, like the novel Siegfred's Nephew that I wrote once when I was about thirteen. It's not the best, but it's a linkage piece. If you keep writing and keep enjoying your writing like you are now, you'll do great. It's practice pieces like this one that helped me along; practice really is vital to a person's improvement in their writing, and you seem to be getting some very good practice. Keep it up . |
04-26-2003, 09:48 PM | #28 |
Elven Warrior
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Location: Kiel,Wisconsi
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thanx Lief Erikson
So you think that it was pretty good for a twelve year old?
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04-26-2003, 11:21 PM | #29 |
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It's a start. Keep writing (and perhaps more importantly, reading) and you'll refine it more and more.
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04-27-2003, 10:08 AM | #30 | |
Elf Lord
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Re: thanx Lief Erikson
Quote:
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