Moral Dilemmas

[Rían]

Originally Posted by The Gaffer

However, he likes to spend all of his free time on the computer, she likes to veg out in front of Judge Judy type programmes with the volume turned up. (Including when there are guests.)

It's hard to imagine a combination where each would get that level of indulgence of an antisocial habit from a partner. It has occured to me that maybe they are perfectly matched even if for this reason alone.

true...(!)

Inked, thanks for your understanding and defence against the forces of big brother which would consign this thread to the bin.

It's definitely a problem ... how much do they actually see and are OK with, but haven't talked about because it's not that flattering, that you might think they don't see and should be made aware of? If they don't see, should they be made aware of it, or have they not seen it because it doesn't bother them? What do friends do in these cases? Are you willing to risk losing a friendship over potentially saving a friend? Or is it better to just let them make the decision, hoping they have enough info, and be there if and when it falls apart?

I don't envy you


EDIT - here's another idea - tackle it from the "positive" side - say, "hey, (name), you and I both know that marriage is a big step and one to not be taken lightly. I mean, either you're going to live with them the rest of your life, or you'll have to deal with them through divorce proceedings! So what are the positive qualities you see in (name) that you really like and think you can live with (or go thru a divorce with )?"

If he can't come up with anything, maybe that alone will make him think!!

[Spock]

"Hello, I must be going".
-G. Marx-

[brownjenkins]

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution? ~ G. Marx

[Spock]

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
-G. Marx-

[Spock]

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
ibid.

[The Gaffer]

Well, your basic needs are taken care of and meals are provided. As for living in an institution...

Rian, I don't think he sees it. In fact I am certain of it. He has never complained about her once so maybe he's gorgosexual. I like your idea of a positive approach. I will just have to think hard about a form of words which doesn't end up with me saying "why on earth..."

I was in his position, actually. If anyone had told me that it was doomed, I would have ignored them.

[Rían]

Originally Posted by The Gaffer

I like your idea of a positive approach. I will just have to think hard about a form of words which doesn't end up with me saying "why on earth..."

Let's see ... *brainstorms*

How 'bout, "Let's drink to our women! What I love about my wife is (long, long list ) - what do you love about your intended?

If there's a long, awkward silence, maybe that'll get him thinking ...

I was in his position, actually. If anyone had told me that it was doomed, I would have ignored them.

... but then again, maybe not ...

[Spock]

In love, one always begins by deceiving oneself, and one always ends by deceiving others, that is what the world calls romance.
--Oscar Wilde--