04-16-2001, 06:30 PM | #1 |
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LOTR Lessons
From a posting in The Council of Elrond:
#1 Never pick up jewellry that does not belong to you. #2 If someone ever starts to tell you strange things about your jewellry, for God's sake run out the door and don't come back. #3 Do not move in with eccentric uncles under any circumstances. #4 Stay as far away from Witch-kings as possible (with thanks to Tel for this one) #5 Never get so attached to your boss that you end up going to Mordor or any other such places with him. #6 Avoid Gondorian men. Especially if they keep looking at you in a funny way. #7 However, trust said Gondorian men's brothers. #8 Don't steal spoons. You will be paid back, and your son may be eaten. #9 Men with no faces with black cloaks are bad guys. #10 Men with blonde hair and pointy ears are good guys. #11 Don't kill Gollum, however tempting it might be at times. #12 If you are a wizard, don't worry about dying. #13 However, if someone tells you to keep away from caves, it just might be worth doing so. #14 If you are a woman, chances are you will tougher than your husband. This is perfectly natural. Don't worry. #15 That weirdo who looks like a Big Issue salesman with a drink habit is actually royalty. Make sure you're nice to him. #16 Second-hand swords work better than new ones. #17 Flocks of birds inevitably means that the arm of your enemy has grown long. #18 Characters who don't say anything are there to be admired. Make sure you do so (for example Imrahil) #19 The king that is decrepit will inevitably get better with just a flash of lightning. #20 The steward who appears OK, however, is likely to be revealed as a latent suicidal, filiocidal pyromaniac. Stay away. |
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