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#21 | |
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
Posts: 6,343
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Here's the prologue to my book:
Quote:
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#22 | |
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
Posts: 6,343
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Quote:
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#23 |
Eccentric Chocolate Crow
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Emerald City--Seattle, WA
Posts: 1,861
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Whooo...sounds interesting!
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Wisdom for Short Attention Spans...Ozy and Millie. It rocks. Food Of The Gods: 3,7-dihydro-3,7-dimethyl-1H-purine-2,6-dione Feed Me.... Another Online Dwelling Place... "All right, I confess. It is my intention to comandeer a ship, pick up a crew in Tortuga, to rape, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out." -Captain Jack Sparrow "The trouble with unknown enemies is that they are so difficult to identify." -Amelia Peabody Emerson "Most people obey the orders of someone who is pointing a gun at their head." -A.P. Emerson |
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#24 |
The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium)
Posts: 14,363
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I agree with Tano.
![]() This is from your book, right? It's a little long for first lines I think ![]()
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We are not things. |
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#25 |
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
Posts: 6,343
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Yes, I might have done better to post it in a section to itself. I didn't primarily because other people also were posting segments of some length. Mine is probably the longest, though
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#26 | ||
Possessive Villain Fancier
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: On my ship, riding the waves YARR!
Posts: 2,008
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Hey, that's a really good prologue.
![]() ![]() i.e. Quote:
Quote:
etc. I don't want to nitpick or bore you because this is a really good intro. But I thought I'd warn you they were there so when you re-work you look for things like repetition, comma useage and such. Or if someone does your proofing for you then I suppose they will know what to look for already. Blah. Anyway, point was, I really like it. ![]()
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My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies, Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly - my friends. XK |
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#27 |
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
Posts: 6,343
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Thank-you very much
![]() ![]() Right now I'm somewhere around page 520 or 530, in this book. It's about half-way done. That's why I will have it split into four parts. |
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#28 |
Possessive Villain Fancier
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: On my ship, riding the waves YARR!
Posts: 2,008
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Wow, is going to be rather long then.
![]() If you want I can edit it for you, then you can carry on writing and go back later when you're done to do the corrections. By that I mean I never change anyone's work unless they say to. I bracket correction in a colour (like this) so they can decide to change or not at a later date.
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My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies, Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly - my friends. XK Last edited by Elfmaster XK : 09-15-2003 at 04:36 AM. |
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#29 |
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
Posts: 6,343
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Actually, an English professor has already read Part 1 of the book, and marked the manuscript up. It would be best if I implimented what he's changed, before I had anyone else spend a lot of time editing it. You'd probably catch a huge number of the same things.
I think I'd rather work further with it myself. But thanks for the offer ![]() |
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#30 |
Possessive Villain Fancier
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: On my ship, riding the waves YARR!
Posts: 2,008
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Okay, no problem. You're obviously all set then. I guess you can't get anyone with better knowledge of English there. Let us know when it gets into print, eh
![]() All I can say then is good luck! ![]()
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My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies, Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly - my friends. XK |
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#31 |
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
Posts: 6,343
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Thanks
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#32 |
Eccentric Chocolate Crow
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Emerald City--Seattle, WA
Posts: 1,861
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Yes--let us know when you've got it published and all.
![]() (And more than five hundred pages! I'm impressed...nothing I have is nearly that long. ![]() T
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Wisdom for Short Attention Spans...Ozy and Millie. It rocks. Food Of The Gods: 3,7-dihydro-3,7-dimethyl-1H-purine-2,6-dione Feed Me.... Another Online Dwelling Place... "All right, I confess. It is my intention to comandeer a ship, pick up a crew in Tortuga, to rape, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out." -Captain Jack Sparrow "The trouble with unknown enemies is that they are so difficult to identify." -Amelia Peabody Emerson "Most people obey the orders of someone who is pointing a gun at their head." -A.P. Emerson |
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#33 | |
A'mael Dalharen Eldarele
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Norway
Posts: 707
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Quote:
![]() ---------------------------------- Ah, you gave me chills there Lief. Amazing ![]() ![]() ![]() Can't wait to read you book Lief! I wish you truly good luck with it! May your hunger of editing rise beyond sanity so that you can finish the book ![]() Good luck!
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Atharon, where heroes are born. A constantly evolving forum rpg created by Lief Erikson, Falathion and its players. |
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#34 | ||
Possessive Villain Fancier
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: On my ship, riding the waves YARR!
Posts: 2,008
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Quote:
And so the conditions where he lay the traps have led it to take longer to check up on them as of late. I could be mistaken of course. This.... Quote:
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My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies, Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly - my friends. XK |
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#35 |
A'mael Dalharen Eldarele
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Norway
Posts: 707
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Hmm... but would it not read easier if it said: "They do more often now", as it referes to the "traps" and not "a trap"?
Ahh... me is norwegian though ![]()
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Atharon, where heroes are born. A constantly evolving forum rpg created by Lief Erikson, Falathion and its players. |
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#36 |
Dead
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: on the floor, under the table, just to your left, your other left
Posts: 1,486
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It wasn't a hot fire, not one conjoured up by demons, but it was a fire none the less. And it was slowly engulfing Morgan's ankles.
The next line should be something like "OH ****!"
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How to Survive the Sillmarillion I thought that Alcohol was just for those with nothing else to do. I thought that drinking just to get drunk was a waste of precious booze. But now I know that there's a time and there's a place where I can choose To walk the fine line between self control and self abuse. "Lacerations make complications, but welts go away in a day." |
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#37 | |
Possessive Villain Fancier
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: On my ship, riding the waves YARR!
Posts: 2,008
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Quote:
![]() He could've said "It often takes longer to check the traps now." As that is what he is trying say.
__________________
My soul is painted like the wings of butterflies, Fairytales of yesterday will grow but never die, I can fly - my friends. XK |
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#38 |
Eccentric Chocolate Crow
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: The Emerald City--Seattle, WA
Posts: 1,861
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Kitty--what's that from? I want some of your writing...
__________________
Wisdom for Short Attention Spans...Ozy and Millie. It rocks. Food Of The Gods: 3,7-dihydro-3,7-dimethyl-1H-purine-2,6-dione Feed Me.... Another Online Dwelling Place... "All right, I confess. It is my intention to comandeer a ship, pick up a crew in Tortuga, to rape, pillage, plunder and otherwise pilfer my weasely black guts out." -Captain Jack Sparrow "The trouble with unknown enemies is that they are so difficult to identify." -Amelia Peabody Emerson "Most people obey the orders of someone who is pointing a gun at their head." -A.P. Emerson |
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#39 |
A'mael Dalharen Eldarele
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Norway
Posts: 707
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Ahhh.. I see your reasoning XK, the action, must think of the "action"
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Atharon, where heroes are born. A constantly evolving forum rpg created by Lief Erikson, Falathion and its players. |
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#40 | |
Dead
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: on the floor, under the table, just to your left, your other left
Posts: 1,486
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Quote:
Once there was a story that could kill...
__________________
How to Survive the Sillmarillion I thought that Alcohol was just for those with nothing else to do. I thought that drinking just to get drunk was a waste of precious booze. But now I know that there's a time and there's a place where I can choose To walk the fine line between self control and self abuse. "Lacerations make complications, but welts go away in a day." |
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