12-04-2007, 02:17 PM | #21 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
Posts: 4,674
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You better answer them or I'm gonna hunt you down
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
12-06-2007, 04:18 PM | #22 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: In a spaceship, floating in your puny planet's atmosphere, awaiting orders to invade
Posts: 292
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Wow ,that was great. Keep up the good work
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The axes hewed Forlong as he fought alone and unhorsed; and both Duilin of Morthond and his brother were trampled to death when they assailed the mumakil,leading their bowmen close to shoot at the eyes of the monsters. Neither Hirluin the fair would return to Pinnath Gelin, nor Grimbold to Grimslade, nor Halbarad to the northlands,dour-handed Ranger. Those that would not return home, page830-831, The Battle of the Pelennor Fields, The Return of the King |
02-03-2008, 05:02 AM | #23 |
Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: College!
Posts: 1,976
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Finally, here's the next episode, number 7! And some things happen...
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Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan) |
02-07-2008, 09:25 PM | #24 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
Posts: 4,674
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That was whoa!
Who got shot? And who shot Troy? Gah! More questions! I love it
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
02-10-2008, 10:02 AM | #25 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: In a spaceship, floating in your puny planet's atmosphere, awaiting orders to invade
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Wow, Write some more, put it on Entmoot, keep everybody happy
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The axes hewed Forlong as he fought alone and unhorsed; and both Duilin of Morthond and his brother were trampled to death when they assailed the mumakil,leading their bowmen close to shoot at the eyes of the monsters. Neither Hirluin the fair would return to Pinnath Gelin, nor Grimbold to Grimslade, nor Halbarad to the northlands,dour-handed Ranger. Those that would not return home, page830-831, The Battle of the Pelennor Fields, The Return of the King |
02-10-2008, 05:25 PM | #26 |
Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: College!
Posts: 1,976
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Haha, I'm working on it. College takes up a bit of my time.
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Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan) |
03-18-2008, 12:29 AM | #27 |
Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: College!
Posts: 1,976
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Hey, guess who's got Episode 8 up?
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Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan) |
03-19-2008, 09:05 PM | #28 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
Posts: 4,674
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Nice. Very nice. keep it up
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
05-01-2008, 04:08 PM | #29 |
Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: College!
Posts: 1,976
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There we go, Episode 9!
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Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan) |
05-01-2008, 07:06 PM | #30 |
Deus Ex Machina
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Seattle
Posts: 1,951
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The jumping from character to character does remind me of 'Heroes' which isn't a bad thing, but such a fragmented format makes it a little difficult for the reader to orient themself and stay focused on the story, and it makes it unclear what the actual story is...
If you plan to do more with these, I might suggest experimenting with revising them as a scripts for a T.V series or a graphic novel because your style would probably lend itself well to being paired with a visual component.
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"5. Plain Rings with RUNES on the inside. Avoid these like the PLAGUE.-Diana Wynne Jones Tough Guide To FantasyLand ...it's not much of a show if somebody doesn't suffer, and preferably at length. Suffering is beautiful in any case, and so is anguish; but as for loathing, and bitterness... I don't think they belong on the stage at all. - Isabella, I Gelosi |
05-01-2008, 10:48 PM | #31 |
Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation
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Ay, thanks for the comment.
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Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan) |
05-29-2008, 10:25 AM | #32 |
Enting
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: Gondolin. in travian.it server5
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Well, the story IS gripping, interesting and I agree with most of the comments above.
But where is the criticism? I have some (always the spoiler): The writing, I think, needs a brush-up. Many parts seem to be written in a hurry. There is time, we like to read (see e.g. LOTR), and I personally prefer a lot more thought to be put in styling the sentences, enlarging scenes, descriptions, scenery, dialogues... All of which doesn't take one point away from the story and plot, which is good.
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The green earth, say you? That is a mighty matter of legend, though you tread it under the light of day! What does "LOL" mean? |
05-29-2008, 03:29 PM | #33 |
Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: College!
Posts: 1,976
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You're right, it really is kinda written in a hurry. Part of that, yeah, is the nature of the story. I don't know if I'll be refining it, because it's mainly just a way to keep writing, and to get out some ideas, practice plotting and characters.
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Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan) |
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