They'd never say that! (part 2)

[jammi567]

I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred

(in dedication of Sister Golden Hair, who has worked hard for this community, and who also happens to love Finrod to bits).

Finrod: I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me

I'm too sexy for my shirt too sexy for my shirt
So sexy it hurts
And I'm too sexy for Doriath too sexy for Doriath
Gondolin and Mithram

And I'm too sexy for your party
Too sexy for your party
No way I'm disco dancing

I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I do my little turn on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my horse too sexy for my horse
Too sexy by far
And I'm too sexy for my armour
Too sexy for my armour what do you think about that

I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my too sexy for my too sexy for my

'Cos I'm a model you know what I mean
And I do my little turn on the catwalk
Yeah on the catwalk on the catwalk yeah
I shake my little touche on the catwalk

I'm too sexy for my kindom too sexy for my kindom
I'm too sexy for my love too sexy for my love
Love's going to leave me

And I'm too sexy for this song

[littleadanel]

*random wood elf: A tree? What tree? *thump*

Okay, sorry, I know it's bad, but it's late and I'm in a bad mood... But you're no longer alone, Jammi!!

[jammi567]

(Finrod, Legolas, Galadrial and Arwen are all somewhere. F and L are talking about their good looks).
F (waving his hair about, in high-pitch voice): Look at me, aren't i just the prittest person in the whole world.
L (finishing putting his blusher on, same): No you're not, i am.
F: Shut up *****. (slapps L).
L: I won't. (slaps back harder).
F: Now you're getting it!
(F pushes L down onto the ground. Conveniantly, there's a lot of mud about, so they have a mud fight, whilst G and A cheer them on).
G (in a deep voice): Glad we don't fight like that, we're much more responsible and controled.
A (same): I couldn't agree more.
G: Who do you fancy?
A: Legolas.
G: You can't. Can't you see that Finrod is the sexier, what with his hair, his shocking pink nails, his cute eyelashes...
A: You want a fight to see which one we think is better.
G: Let's hit it.
(They draw out their swards, and fight).

[jammi567]

(just after Feanor has created silmarils)
Melkor: Feanor, why don't you give me those pritty rings.
F: Shan't.
M: Please.
F: NO!
M: Fine, i'll tell dad. (Looks up to the sky, and shouts) DAD, FEANOR WON'T GIVE ME THOSE RINGS TO PLAY WITH!
Eru: Feanor...
F: They're mine, i can do what i want with them.
E: Fine, you leave me no choice.
(He floods the surrounding land, and then strikes F with a very powerful thunderbolt. F dies).
E: And for extra punishment, you can stay with Mandos forever.

[me9996]

Aragorn:As the evilest lawn gnome in middle earth I will gather an army of lawn gnomes and overthrow the silly humans and elves!
(Later, Aragorn is on top of a grassy hill, below him is an army of Elves and Men)
Boramir:Surrender you crazy dunadin!
Aragorn:I am the evilest lawn gnome in middle earth! Charge fellow lawn gnomes!
(Aragorn charges down and over the hill comes an army of hobbits and dwarves in tall, brimless, red, pointy, hats!)
Frodo:KILL THE SILLY HUMANS AND ELVES!!!
(The battle goes on, the "Gnomes" seem to be loseing)
Boramir:You bozo dunadin! You're loseing!
Aragorn:I haven't broght out my secrate weapon yet! Bring in... THE FLYING LAWN GNOMES!!!
(Over the hill a bunch of hobbits and dwarves -in lawn gnome suits- fly into battle!)
Gimli(To the tune of that peter pan song):I can fly, I can fly, I can fly, I can fly, I CAN FLY!
Boramir(Same tune):They can fly, they can fly, they can fly, they can fly, THEY CAN FLY!
(Meanwile in Orthanc)
Saruman:It's time to look in my ilastraded ensyclopedia!
Theme song people:Sarumans ilastrated ensyclopedia
Saruman:I just want to find out what a lawn gnome is!
(Back at the battlefield, Frodo and Elrond are face to face -Elrond has sunglasses)
Elrond:Hello Mr. Bageness.
Frodo:I'm a lawn gnome!
Elrond:Aragorn is a very dangerus man.
Frodo:He's (Aragorn imatation) THE EVILEST LAWN GNOME IN MIDDLE EARTH!!!
Elrond:Fine, he's a very dangerus lawn gnome then.
(Over at Orthanc, Theoden is comeing to the door)
Theoden:Hello? *Knocks*
Wormtoung(Italain actsent):Hello.
Theoden:Can I come in?
Wormtoung:You've gotta give the password first.
Theoden:Well what is it?
Wormtoung:Hey, I'm not falling for that! I'll give you a hint, it's a fish!
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Frodo:Look at me I'm a flamingo!
(Stands on one leg and paints himself pink)
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(Frodo comes into a room, he's about 3 inches tall)
Sam(Flatly):What happened to you?
Frodo:I found a cake and the iceing on it said 'eat me'!
Sam(Flatly):And you just couldn't resist, right?
Frodo:AND NOW I'M 3 INCHES TALL!!!
Sam(Almost disturbingly flatly):Just go play chess with yourself...

[me9996]

Cast for a LOTR remake of the Marx brothers movies(Har har har)
Groucho=Denethor?
Harpo=Frodo
Chico=Sam?
Zeppo=Boramir
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Aragorn:I'm going to beat you up Souron!
Souron:I am your shadow!
Aragorn:That is SO overdone!
Souron:Or... Um, I'm your long-lost sibling?
Aragorn:One more cheesey overused plot device and I'll-
Souron:I'm your father?
Aragorn:AAAAAARRRRRRRGGGGGG!!!!!!!!
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Frodo:Knock knock!
Sam(Flatly):Who's there?
Frodo:Interupting cow!
Sam(Flatly):Interupting c-
Frodo:MOO!!!
(Later)
Frodo:Knock knock!
Sam:Who's there?
Frodo:Interupting cow!
Sam:Interupting cow-
Frodo:MOO!!!
(Later)
Frodo:Knock knock!
Sam:Who's there?
Frodo:Interupting cow!
Sam(Very quickly):INTERUPTING COW WHO?!? HAHAHAHAHA!!!
Frodo:Um... Moo?
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[jammi567]

(Hurin at battle of unnumbered tears)
H (in Arnold accent): Eat ****, you bastards (shoots trolls with shotgun, via a driveby on a 'cycle)
__________________________________________________ ______________
Legolas: Daddy, look at me.
(King does so, and yells. L has dressed up in a pink tutu, pink tights, pink ballet shoes, is wearing a tiara, and waving a magic wand. And is dancing around, doing ballet moves).
L (singing): I'm a barbie girl, in a barbie world...
__________________________________________________ ______________
Turin, after finding out he married his sister).
T: Really. Ohh, well, **** happens.

[me9996]

Frodo:Look at me! I'm a pie that goes around eating stuff!
Sam(Flatly):Help.
Frodo:OH NO! It's an increbaly genaric ghost!
Aragorn(With a sheet over his head):WOOOO!!!
Sam(Flatly):Go run around in a maze someware...
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Legolas:My, what fools these mortals be, when they choose to play football with an apostrophe... WHAT?!?
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(The brige in moria, the balrog has just been lit on fire)
Balrog:I'M ON FIRE!!! HELP!!! I'M ON FIRE!!!
Gandalf:Jump in the pool down there in the trench!
Balrog:OKAY!!!
(The balrog jumps off the brige, we see a plume of steam going up)
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Frodo:Wow, look at this giant maze! I smell cheese!
(Frodo runs into the maze)
Sam:And as we can see here our lab rats -I meen asistants- follow the sent of the cheese and remember were they have been before.
Frodo:HELP! I'M LOST!
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[me9996]

Aragorn:All your base are belong to us!
Sam: Dude?
(Would Sam say "Dude"?)
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(Frodo, Sam, Merry, and Pippin are walking through the old forest, Frodo has a camera)
Pippin:OOH! LOOK! A TREE!
(Frodo takes a picture)
Pippin:And another tree!
(Frodo takes a picture)
Pippin:And ooo! Another tree!
(Frodo takes a picture again)
Sam: Pippin... You do now we're in a forest don't you?
Pippin:I don't see a forest I just see alot of trees!
Sam:Can't see the forest because of all the trees eh?
Pippin:Huh? OOO! A TREE!
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[me9996]

Cat:Meow.
Gandalf:HALT! GO NO FURTHER CAT!
Cat:Meow?
Gandalf:YOU SHALL NOT PASS!
Cat:Meow? (Translation:What is this guy thinking?)
Gandalf:I AM (Yells his entire resume')
Cat(Flatly):Meow.
(The cat starts walking past Gandalf)
Gandalf:NO! YOU SHALL NOT PASS! NO!!!
(Gandalf 'blasts' the cat)
Cat:MEOW!!!
(The cat shoots lightning at Gandalf)
Gandalf:NO!!!
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Aragorn:Foreward we go men of the west! TO DEATH AND GLORY!
Merryid he say death?
Pippin:Yes, I think he did.
(Everyone starts sneeking away)
Aragorn:They will need alot more bards to sing out tails after this! It will become a full-time job!
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Frodo:Look at me! I'm a duck!
Sam(Flatly):You're a drake.
Frodo:No I'm not! I'm not a dragon!
Sam(Flatly):A male duck is called a drake.
Frodo:Oh, that explains the fire breathing duck outside.
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[jammi567]

Feanor: Yo, yo, yoooooooooooooo! look who's in da house, man.
Fingolfin + Finarfin: Ohhhhhhh, god....
Feanor: Yo, look who did da palanti, ya! And da writing (does a bit of break dancing + head spinning, whilst Olorion (aka. gandalf) does a bit of moon walking).

[me9996]

Aragorn(Singing):I'm a lumberjack and that's okay, I sleep all night and I work all day!
(Legolas enters with shotgun)
Legolas(Strange english actsint):All right! I'm not letting you finish this song!
Aragorn(Has stoped singing):But I only ware them to get out of the army!
(Enter Boramir in a 1950s US army uniform)
Boramir(Heavy american actsent):Come on you weirdo! You're not getting away this way!
Frodo(Off screen):Incomeing wounded!
__________________

[me9996]

__________________
Aragorn:Hello, tonight on woodsmans corner we will learn how to turn this log into a canue useing something everyone has laying around his house... An elvish sword.
(Laugh track)
Aragorn:If you don't have one then you can get one from the nearest troll hideout.
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Try and guess what that is a parady of!
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Gollum:Me like cheese, me eat cheese

[jammi567]

Ummmmm, american DIY shows?

[me9996]

"DIY"? What's that? Anyway it's canadian... (But I like the show anyway)
Below is another parady of that show...
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Aragorn:Big big week up at the castle this week...
(If you've seen the show that'll sound familiar, if you haven't, oh well)
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The below is not a parady of the show mentioned above.
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Aragorn:BEWARE!!! BEWARE!!!
Frodo:Beware what?
Aragorn:BEWARE!!! The cat!
(Aragorn points at a little cat who's been watching them go on)
Frodo:A cat? Are you out of your noggen? Here... Little kitty kitty...
(The cat jumps on Frodo and starts tickleing him)
Frodo:HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Aragorn:OH! IT'S TO HORIBLE!!!
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Legolas:Help! He's trying to make me introduce a shakespear thing again! But I wont let him!
(Legolas flys to the moon)
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(Enter Aragorn and ghost)
Aragorn:Who art thou ghost?
Ghost:Guess what! Your uncal killed be to take over the kingdom, oh and I'm your dad...
Aragorn:You were never in charge of a kingdom.
Ghost:What does that have to do with anything?
(Incase you missed, this is a hamlet parady)
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(Sam is playing chess against himself, enter Frodo.)
Frodo:Guess what!
Sam:What?
Frodo:I am a chicken.
Sam:You said it, not me.
Frodo:No, I am the birdy kind! You know, sits around and lays eggs all day?
Sam:Only the girl chickens lay eggs.
Frodo:... Guess what? I'm a cow! You know, stands around and get's milked by the farmer?
Sam:*sigh*... you do know that...
(Fade out)
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Gandalf:Beware!!! DOOM! With big sharp pointy teath!
Boramir:Is it behind the rabbit?
Gandalf:It is the rabbit!
Aragorn:Go chop off its head Sir Boramir.
Boramir:With plesure...
(Boramir charges the rabbit, sword drawn, the rabbit takes Boramirs head off.)
Everyone exept Boramir and the rabbit:*Gasp!*
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[jammi567]

DIY = Do It Yourself.

[Gwaimir Windgem]

Red Green. Awesome show.

[me9996]

You got it (Red Green show)
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(Aragorn and Gandalf are standing around talking, Gimli comes in wereing a bear hide)
Gimli:ARG!!! I'm a berzerk!
Aragorn:A berzerker?
Gimli:NO!!! A berzerk! Has everyone been brainwashed by RPG games these days?
Aragorn:What's the difference?
Gimli:A berzerk is an elite viking warrior that fights in a rage, a berzerker is a made up guy that fights like a berzerk.
Aragorn:Oh.
__________________
Little known fact (from hearsay) berzerk is ether after norse for bear hide or bare hide, refering to the berzerks cloathing
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(Sam is building a model of Minus Tirith, enter Frodo wereing a helmet with horns on it)
Frodo:I'm going with Gimli to become a viking!
Sam:That's going to take a while.
Frodo:Huh?
Sam:Vikings don't seem to exist in this world.
Frodo:Well Gimli is going to find them!
(Exit Frodo)
Sam:Just remember that they like ot raid things.
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The real funny part is that tolkenesque dwarves were from norse mytholigy
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(Gimli and Frodo are sailing along when they come across a longboat full of singing viking veggys)
Viking Veggys:We're the vikings! lalalalalalalalala...
Gimli:I think they might be who we're after...
(Gimli and Frodo get on the longboat to find...)
Frodo:These vikings are vegtables!!!
Gimli:HUH?!?
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[me9996]

Gee, is anyone here anymore?
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(Gandalf enters the shire)
Gandalf:I wonder why saruman pointed out this spot on the map for looking for people to help those dwarves... Oh no it's...
(Dun dun da!)
Gandalf:TELETUBBY LAND!!!
(Gandalf starts cowering, enter a hobbit)
Hobbit:It's one of the big people, I wonder if they're as dopy as every says they are...
(The hobbit walks up to Gandalf)
Hobbit:Hello big person!
Gandalf:EHH!!!
Hobbit:I just wanted to know, are big people as soft in the head as us hobbits say?
Gandalf:ERG!!!
Hobbit:Hello?
Gandalf:URK!!!
Hobbit:I guess that's a yes...
(The hobbit walks off, Gandalf still cowering)
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[jammi567]

maybe you could put a link in your sig, or get someone else to.