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12-12-2003, 12:49 PM
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#341 | ||
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Co-President of Entmoot
Super Moderator 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,397
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Haha! Nice one Valandil.
 There's a young coulple, and they've been dating for about two years. They decide that they're ready to have sex. They're also ready for another big step: he needs to meet his girlfriend's parents. So the young man goes to the pharmacy to buy some condoms, but he doesn't know what he needs. However, the pharmasist is very nice, and gives him excellent advice. That night, at dinner, the dad asks the young man to say grace, since he's the guest. He bows his head, hands clasped. Minutes go by, and he still appears deep in prayer, but he hasn't said anything. Finally, his girlfriend leans over and whispers, "Honey, I had no idea you were so religious." He whispers back, "I had no idea your dad was a pharmacist."
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"I can add some more, if you'd like it. Calling your Chief Names, Wishing to Punch his Pimply Face, and Thinking you Shirriffs look a lot of Tom-fools." - Sam Gamgee, p. 340, Return of the King Quote:
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12-13-2003, 09:20 PM
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#342 |
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Quasi Evil
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Maryland, US
Posts: 4,634
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So why is a small rock from space more tasty then a hamburger.
Well because its a little meteor.... *silence* get it? METEOR! *silence* oh nevermind....
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"People's political beliefs don't stem from the factual information they've acquired. Far more the facts people choose to believe are the product of their political beliefs." "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." |
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12-14-2003, 02:04 AM
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#343 |
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the Shrike
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: San Francisco, CA <3
Posts: 10,647
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Wow, I think I almost laughed there. No wait, that was just my hernia.
 *walks off singing Cult of personality... cult of personality...*
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"Binary solo! 0000001! 00000011! 0000001! 00000011!" ~ The Humans are Dead, Flight of the Conchords |
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12-14-2003, 03:50 PM
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#344 | |||
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Co-President of Entmoot
Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,397
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Quote:
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"I can add some more, if you'd like it. Calling your Chief Names, Wishing to Punch his Pimply Face, and Thinking you Shirriffs look a lot of Tom-fools." - Sam Gamgee, p. 340, Return of the King Quote:
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12-15-2003, 03:12 PM
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#345 |
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Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Thomas Aquinas College, Santa Paula, CA
Posts: 10,820
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A truck driver was driving down the highway when he saw a priest at the side of the road. He stopped to pick up the priest and give him a ride.
A ways down the road the driver saw a lawyer on the side of the road. He turned the truck to steer directly toward the lawyer. Then he remembered, "I have a priest in the truck. I can't run down this lawyer," and at the last second he swerved to miss the lawyer. But he heard a thump outside anyway. He looked in his rear-view mirror but didn't see anything. He turned to the priest and said, "Sorry Father, I just missed that lawyer at the side of the road." And the priest said, "Don't worry son, I got him with my door."
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Crux fidelis, inter omnes arbor una nobilis. Nulla talem silva profert, fronde, flore, germine. Dulce lignum, dulce clavo, dulce pondus sustinens. 'With a melon?' - Eric Idle |
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12-15-2003, 03:43 PM
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#346 |
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Elven Warrior
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Houston TX USA
Posts: 245
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Aggie Joke
[Note: an "Aggie" is a student/alumnus of Texas A&M University.]
An Aggie is drinking in a bar in Alaska, and is taking a fair amount of ribbing regarding Texas' status as the second largest state. After a while, in frustration, he declares, "Texas may not be the biggest state anymore, but we're still the best!" "Ha!" responds one Alaskan, "any man in this bar can dring a fifth of whiskey, wrestle a polar bear in the snow, and make love to an Alaskan woman all in one night!" "No Problem," responds the Aggie. He proceeds to chug a bottle of Jack Daniels, and dramatically walks out the door in search of a polar bear. Several hours later, the Aggie returns. He is bloody and batterred, his clothes in rags. "OK, losers!" he cries, "Where's that woman you want me to wrestle?"
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Yet neither by wolf, nor by Balrog, nor by Dragon, would Morgoth have achieved his end, but for the treachery of Men. Always after a defeat and a respite, the Shadow takes another shape and grows again. |
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12-17-2003, 11:29 PM
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#347 |
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Quasi Evil
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Maryland, US
Posts: 4,634
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One of those annoying scrolling jokes
The Perfect Man and the Perfect Woman
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple; and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. Question: Who was the survivor? ****Scroll down for the answer. Answer The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. **** Women stop reading here, that is the end of the joke. **** Men keep scrolling. So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident. ****Men Keep scrolling By the way, if you're a woman and you're still reading, this illustrates another point: Women never listen.
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"People's political beliefs don't stem from the factual information they've acquired. Far more the facts people choose to believe are the product of their political beliefs." "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." |
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12-20-2003, 07:09 PM
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#348 | |||
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Co-President of Entmoot
Super Moderator
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Canada
Posts: 8,397
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Quote:
__________________
"I can add some more, if you'd like it. Calling your Chief Names, Wishing to Punch his Pimply Face, and Thinking you Shirriffs look a lot of Tom-fools." - Sam Gamgee, p. 340, Return of the King Quote:
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12-29-2003, 06:50 PM
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#349 |
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Quasi Evil
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Maryland, US
Posts: 4,634
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Ok more engineering humor (well nuclear physics humor at least).
Two atoms are walking down the street. Atom: #1 “Ah! I think Ive lost an electron!” Atom: #2: “Are you sure?” Atom #1: “Im positive!”
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"People's political beliefs don't stem from the factual information they've acquired. Far more the facts people choose to believe are the product of their political beliefs." "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere." |
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12-30-2003, 01:44 PM
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#350 | |
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Elf Lord
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: Hobbiton
Posts: 739
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Re: One of those annoying scrolling jokes
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Jesus loves you! Movie vewing count from the theater: Return of the King:9 Two Towers: 11 Fellowship: 13 FRODO LIVES! |
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12-30-2003, 02:22 PM
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#351 | |
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Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Thomas Aquinas College, Santa Paula, CA
Posts: 10,820
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Quote:
A Rabbi, a Hindu and a lawyer were driving late at night in the country when their car expired. They set out to find help, and came to a farmhouse. When they knocked at the door, the farmer explained that he had only two beds, and one of the three had to sleep in the barn with the animals. The three quickly agreed. The Rabbi said he would sleep in the barn and let the other two have the beds. Ten minutes after the Rabbi left, there was a knock on the bedroom door. The Rabbi entered exclaiming, "I can't sleep in the barn; there is a pig in there. It's against my religion to sleep in the same room with a pig!" The Hindu said HE would sleep in the barn, as he had no religious problem with pigs. However, about five minutes later, the Hindu burst through the bedroom door saying, "There's a COW in the barn! I can't sleep in the same room as a cow! It's against my religion!" The lawyer, anxious to get to sleep, said he'd go to the barn, as he had no problem sleeping with animals. In two minutes, the bedroom door burst open and the pig and the cow entered...
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Crux fidelis, inter omnes arbor una nobilis. Nulla talem silva profert, fronde, flore, germine. Dulce lignum, dulce clavo, dulce pondus sustinens. 'With a melon?' - Eric Idle |
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01-07-2004, 12:26 PM
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#352 |
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King of Nargothrond
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Canada! eh?
Posts: 2,002
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Haha...lawyer jokes!
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"THE EAGLES ARE COMING, THE EAGLES ARE COMING......AND A MOTH!!!!!" |
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01-07-2004, 12:49 PM
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#353 | |
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Banned
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: I have no idea.
Posts: 5,441
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Quote:
A proton walks into a bar and orders a beer from the bartender... bartender: are you sure you're of legal age to drink? proton: of course, I'm positive.  ...or... a neutron walks into a bar... the neutron says to the bartender "bartender! give me a beer!" The bartender hands him a beer. The neutron drinks down the beer and slams the emty mug on the table. He looks at the bartender and says "Bartender! What's the charge?" The bartender says, "for you? No charge." BWHAHAAAAAA!!!! Damn, I love that last one! |
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01-07-2004, 12:59 PM
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#354 |
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Elf Lord
Join Date: Sep 2003
Location: In me taters
Posts: 3,288
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A doctor, an architect and an economist are arguing about whose is the oldest profession.
The doctor says "God was the first doctor, because he removed Adam's rib to make Eve." The architect says "Yes, but before that, God was an architect, because he built creation out of chaos." To which the economist replies "Ah, but who do you think created the chaos?" |
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01-07-2004, 12:59 PM
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#355 |
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Banned
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: I have no idea.
Posts: 5,441
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A positron and an electron are having lunch. The electron diverts the conversation to the end of the universe and all life. The conversation continues this route until the positron has finally had enough and yells out: "DAMN!! YOU'RE SO NEGATIVE!!!"
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01-07-2004, 02:47 PM
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#356 |
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King of Nargothrond
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Canada! eh?
Posts: 2,002
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Thats funny, but it's a proton, not positron. Nice one Ruinel...
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"THE EAGLES ARE COMING, THE EAGLES ARE COMING......AND A MOTH!!!!!" |
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01-07-2004, 02:53 PM
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#357 | |
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Banned
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: I have no idea.
Posts: 5,441
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Quote:
- An elementary particle having the same mass and magnitude of charge as an electron but exhibiting a positive charge; a positive electron. Also called antielectron. - particle created when, in beta decay, a proton is transformed into a neutron, creating a positron in the process. |
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01-07-2004, 02:56 PM
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#358 |
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King of Nargothrond
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Canada! eh?
Posts: 2,002
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Begging your pardon...I apologize...seriously, I didn't know...*feels dumb*
If a man says something in the middle of a forest, and his wife's not there to hear it, is he still wrong? |
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01-07-2004, 03:02 PM
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#359 | ||
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Banned
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: I have no idea.
Posts: 5,441
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Quote:
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01-07-2004, 04:20 PM
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#360 | |
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Elf Lord
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Mirkwood, well actually I live in North-west Scania, Sweden
Posts: 9,481
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 Elementary, my dear Ruinel |
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