Lyrd Of The Ryngs - The Homies

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

suddenly Legolas let out a cry
"What is it?" called Aragorn
"A scout," returned legolas, slitting the throat of an orc
"NO, NO, no, no," shouted Aragorn "This is the book, for crying out loud"
"Sorry" replied Legolas, "I haven't done much for a while, and PJ would have at least have made me smile at all my fangirls!"
Aragorn said nothing, but replied a menacing glare instead

[EarthBound]

The troop traveled across the paths to Helm's Deep (Bass), known for its extra bassy sub-woofer system that when utilized could be felt as far away as Isengard. Legolas mounted his bike with Gimli strapped on, quietly playing his gameboy and muttering, "Die you filthy, maggots!"-while punching the attack button fiercely . . . such is the wrath and bravery of good dwarves.

[EarthBound]

*Eowyn looks up from among a 14" deep pile of petals and flower parts* "Is there no more simbelmynë to be found? Oh, great is my woe...cough hack sneeze wheeze snort whhaaaaaaaa!"

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

"Here," said Theoden "Will we be able to safely listen to Rock Music, Let forth the Black Rebel Motorcycle Club!"
suddenly from the deeps of the earth it seemed came the booming sounds of the BRMC
#Son, sunday sun never shone on me#

[Grey_Wolf]

Several hours later when the Rohirrim force finally arrived at Helm's Deep they all drew a collective breath of relief.

The Gates were opened and they drove in.

"Now." said Gandalf."I will tell you of my brilliant plan. We will only use our Gatling Guns and grenade throwers as plan B. When Saruman's army arrives we will play Barry Manilow and Gibb tunes from hidden high-speakers at the highest possible volume to cause havoc among this army of goons. What think ye of this excellent plan?"

"Really, Gandalf, not even our own sturdy troopers would be able to take the music of such sissy singers." objected Theoden.

"Perhaps they can wear ear-mufflers as they sortie out to cut down the ORCers with their mini-guns and combat rifles." replied Gandalf.

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

"I would like it much the better if i could face my enemy, and wield my own walkman, rather than retreating to the castle!" grumbled gimli, legolas turned round at this, smiled and patted him on the head

ooc: i had thought of saying 'legolas turned round at this, smiled and kissed gimli passionately' but decided not to

[EarthBound]

Then Theoden remaked to Aragorn, " I wish I had the magic and strength of the Elves this day, great would be their MP3 technology in these Dark Times."

[Grey_Wolf]

"Now, unfortunately." said Gandalf."I have to leave you for a while. Expect me at dawn." And then he roared off through the opened Gates out onto the plain. Soon he was just a shining white point in the endless greenery.

[EarthBound]

Which was interesting. Because he then roared off a sneeze into a white handkerchief he held in his palm and when he looked down and noticed the shiny green speck in the endless whiteness he thought, “How ironic…and nasty.”.

[Grey_Wolf]

In the dark of dusk far away from the battlements of Helm's Deep a multitude of misshapen figures was moving. Death Metal could be heard from their ghetto blasters.

Like the screaming eagle
I'm on the run
I blaze through the sky
I kill for the fun

No reason, no warning
Nor shadow be found
Got you in my sights
And i'll shoot you down

Jet fighter, jet fighter
Turbo jet engines ignite
Jet fighter, jet fighter
Death will filling the sky

Jet fighter, jet fighter
An airborne assault and attack
Jet fighter, jet fighter
A cold blooded stab in the back

Vengeance is calling on you
And there's nothing that you can do
Brings you the thing you deserve
Death from above!

[Grey_Wolf]

Theoden, now in his Dress, Greens Camouflaged, looked out over the Deep's high wall, listening to the lyrics. He turned to Aragorn.

"Sounds ominous, doesn't it?" he said.

"Yes, it does. But we will prevail. I'm not the sissy Aragorn of PJ's." Aragorn replied, courage and the will to resist blazing in his eyes.

"Neither am I of the despairing character of His version." Theoden said, hotly.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

But before the Orcs arrived in the Dike another horn was heard. The Rohirrim looked over the walls and saw Elves, clad in blue approaching with a man wearing a name badge saying 'Peter Jackson' at the front. The Rohirrim did not take kindly to the implication that they could not fight for themselves, and shot all the elves and their leader dead.

[Grey_Wolf]

The ORCer Local leader in front of assault team no 1 saw this and exclaimed:
"Look at them crazy bikers, they're killing off their allies."

"Why are you complaining. That just means less work for us." his second in command replied.

At that moment the ORCer army crossed the Rohirrim tripwhires and the hidden ghetto blasters began playing a Britney Spears tune.

Oh baby baby
Oh baby baby
Oh baby baby
How was I supposed to know
that somethin' wasn't right here
oh baby baby
I shouldn't have let you go
And now you're out of sight, yeah
Show me
how you want it to be
tell me baby
'cause I need to know now
oh, because
My loneliness
Is killing me (and I)
I must confess
I still believe (still believe)
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
give me a sign
hit me baby one more time
Oh baby baby
the reason I breathe is you
boy you've got me blinded
Oh pretty baby
there's nothin' that I wouldn't do
It's not the way I planned it
Show me
how you want it to be
tell me baby
'cause I need to know now
oh, because
My loneliness
Is killing me (and I)
I must confess
I still believe (still believe)

when I'm not with you I lose my mind
give me a sign
hit me baby one more time
Oh baby baby
Oh baby baby
Oh baby baby
how was I supposed to know
oh pretty baby
I shouldn't have let you go
I must confess
that my loneliness
Is killing me now
Don't you know I still believe
that you will be here
and give me a sign
hit me baby one more time.
My loneliness
Is killing me (and I)
I must confess
I still believe (still believe)
When I'm not with you I lose my mind
give me a sign
hit me baby one more time
I must confess
(my loneliness)
that my loneliness
(Is killing me)
Is killing me now
(I must confess)
Don't you know I still believe
(I still believe)
that you will be here
and give me a sign---
hit me baby one more time.

"What kind of crap is this? It's inhuman to subject even one's enemy to this BS." roared the ORCER leader.

[Butterbeer]

shot all the elves dead?

NO! Haldir was merely over-dramatically wounded!

"hit me baby one more time"

AAAAGGGGGGHHHHH! screamed haldir managing to ROll his RRR's even though there weren't any


"give me a sign
hit me baby one more time"

NOOOOO! opined Haldir strangely highlighted by a spotlight


*dramatic pause ala who killed JR mixed with the showdown of the good the bad and the ugly*

ORCist Unionists, Rohirrim "hairy" bikers, old women, children and Biker-chicks, Aragorn, Gimli and legless are all paused in a communally shared fraction of a split second of time: all casting furtive slit-eyed meaningful glances at each other, hearts beating waiting and ready to reach for the nearest projectile weapon .....


"How was I supposed to know
that somethin' wasn't right here ...."

SFX: Dramatic drum roll, flashes of lightning sear the dark clouded temperstous sky ...

[Grey_Wolf]

Up on the battlements the Rohirrim troopers massed and began firing their M-16 rifles and splinter-grenade launchers at the ORCer army whom returned the horrific fusilade in kind as best they could.

ORCers fell in their hundreds and not a few troopers met their destiny in those first seconds of the battle while a atomic kitten tune blasted out of the speakers.

The tide is high
But I'm holding on
I'm gonna be your number one
I'm not the kinda girl who gives up just like that
Oh no

It's not the things you do that tease and hurt me bad
But it's the way you do the things
You do to me
I'm not the kinda girl who gives up just like that
Oh no

The tide is high
But I'm holding on
II'm gonna be your number one(*2)

Number one, number one

Every girl wants you to be her man
But I'll wait until it's my turn
I'm not the kinda girl who gives up just like that
Oh no

The tide is high but I'm holding on,
I'm gonna be your number one
The tide is high but I'm holding on,
I'm gonna be your number one...

And this disconcerted the ORCers even more.
"Spare us, spare us!" shouted the minor ORCer officials.

[EarthBound]

Later, the Rohirrim ran down to the elves and grabbed up thier MP3 players...they would no longer be needing them anyhoo.

While looting the elves the Rohirrim spotted a fat, hairy-fella with glasses and a boom box getting jiggy-with-it off in the distance.

In particular, Legalos could hear the figure, singing in the distance. Looking to the others he said, "I can hear a figure, singing in the distance."

Quickly, he snapped his head forward in a 'bird-like' fashion and managed to whip his hair in the gratuitious 'swish' expected by fan girls everywhere, in middle-earth and beyond.

"It's a foul voice, I think he's threatning to film the hobbit casting 'Home Alone' star Macaulay Culkin as Bilbo and Danny Devito as Thorin the Grumpy King under the Mountain and his 12 buddies (plus the Snow White Dwarves would make a guest appearance as Dain and his family)....

With dread upon their brows the Rohirrim returned to the gate with their MP3 prizes... to await the approaching doom...and eat crunchy cheese snacks...in a very serious manner...which of course made them all have "orange finger" syndrome afterwards...which really urked them...till they discovered Legalos's jacket unattended ... and used it like the dish-towel it should have been...

[Butterbeer]

"Hey!" shrieked Legless in a high pitched voice, suddenly swishing his long locks and moonwalking Michael Jackson style backwards towards his Coat

(he'd just been to have a quick word with the bearded bespectacled bouncing jiggy bloke he'd seen in the distance who'd given him some good advice about serious battlefield behaviour and ettiquette)

"hey! who messed up me jacket?" he shrilled and pirouetted around on the spot with a flourish ...

[Grey_Wolf]

But when the sissy Legolas saw the teeming hords of ORCers he was dismayed and decided not to continue his sortie out against them and turned and ran back towards the Gates.

Then Aragorn pulled the start-cord of Narsil, his golden powersaw, and it started with a terrific roar and he rushed out to meet the ORCers head on, accompanied by Eomer, armed with a sawed-off shotgun, a bandolier up and around his shoulder.

After them came Gimli, unnoticed, his axe held in readiness.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

Aragorn and Eomer fought off the crew nd began to make their way back to the wall, when two Uruk-Hai ORCers leaped up from among the dead and threw themselves at Eomers feet. At that point a small figure jumped next to Eomer.
"Barak Khazad. Khazad Ai-menû!"

[Butterbeer]

"WAIT!" SAID THE SMALL FIGURE (HAVING TEMPORAILY PUSHED THE DWARF OFF-SCREEN)
... cried the bespectacled bouncy bearded bugger...

"THINK OF THE CONTINUITY.. THINK OF THE ...

GASP!
*SFX: henry V battle of Angencourt*

multitude of various projectile weapons suddenly loosed ...

"Barak Khazad. Khazad Ai-menû!" said a suddenly angry and energised heroic voice ... Weilding an axe ferousily and with sudden abandon...