War For All Of Middle Earth™!

[Willow Oran]

Magdalena: Very well, we've stopped, what is it?

Tano: Nothing actually, we just wnated you two back in the plot before Ninja does any serious damage to our plans.

Glor: What's she done?

Goldie: Stupid Ninja stole the Squeaky and made other little squeakies and now she's giving them to people and the squeakies are taking the places of the rings.

Magdalena: Are they? That won't last for long, fear not the squeakies have power only as long as the rings are lost, I have the rings here therefore they are not lost and the squeakies have no power.

(At these words the fabric of reality hiccuped again, and when it was done hiccuping the nine penguins had dissapeared, slinking off to where ever it was the came from and the light from the squeakies had dulled releasing their bearers from the power of Ninja's Master Squeaky.)

Come, let's go see what we can do about Morgoth and his minions. No half pint fallen vala steals my servants away from me and gets away with it.

[goldiegollum]

GG: *takes on a deep, doom-impending tone of voice* But even though the other squeakies lose their power, the one squeaky does not lose it's power, for it's power is contained in the ever-powerful, ever enticing, dangerousley adictive *squeaka-squeaka* sound it makes, which can not be squelched.

Earniel: don't you think 'squealched' is a rather odd word to use?

GG: *returning with a loud zooooping sound to her normal voice* umm,.... yeah, i guess so, anyhow, Human is still very dangerous if she has the squeaky, and can use it to gain dominion over others. But since it is mine my own...miiiineeee my pre- shi no-*struggles to resist falling into gollum mode, yelps loudly, darts up a tree and down again, then continues* Ok, i'm fine now...as i was saying, since it was mine to begin with, it is in neutral state when it is with me and therefore practily powerless...well at least not dangerous.

Penguin: *Stares at GG in puzzlement* Mier?

Maggie: wait... why are you still here, don't you remember, the reality fabric hicuped again, and the penguins disapeared

Penguin: *cocks head to side, shows no sign of comprehinsion*

Glor: Perhaps only the nine penguins disapeared, maybe they were to confuzed to notice the hickup and jump back through it...

Tano: And now there are dazed penguins wandering aimlessly around middle earth.

GG: Yaaaaay! that's so happy!


OCC: No! you cannot make the confuzzled penguins go away!

[Human#3.141592653]

OOC: I am not stupid!!! Yur stupid, Willow!!! I'm mad, and I'm not goign to invite you to my birthday party!!!


Ninja: La la la! Wait wait wait, waiting for the Valar! La la la!

*Suddenly the fabric of reality hiccuped and the Nine Deaf Penguins of Ninja disappeared!*

Ninja: NNNNNNOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!! WHY???? *goes back and reads Maggie's post:*

Magdalena: Are they? That won't last for long, fear not the squeakies have power only as long as the rings are lost, I have the rings here therefore they are not lost and the squeakies have no power.

Ninja: Ha! Your logic is flawed! Here are the rules of the Penguins!

The Nine only appeared if certain requirements were met: That Human was in Ninja mode, that an existentialist existed in Middle earth, and that the original Ring of power was lost. The Nine could remain only so long as Human remained in Ninja mode.

Ninja: First:
Since they were lost at one point, it caused the penguins to appear. Yes, the rings still existed but because nobody knew where you or the ring was for, even for the briefest of moments, it still counts as lost. Doesn't matter if you knew where it was, just as the original ring was lost when Gullom knew perfectly well where it was, but most every one else did not.
Second:
The Penguins appear only if the requirements are met. They disappear only if Human goes out of Ninja mode. Since Ninja is still Ninja, the Penguins still exist.

*The fabric of reality hiccups once more and the penguins return*

Ninja: Yay!

*Morgoth bursts in the room*

Morgoth: WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT SENDING ME OFF INTO THE DEAD MARSHES I RUINED MY BEST DRESS!!!!

Ninja: Oh, heh heh heh, I see the diminishing of power still applies though....

*Ninja runs hotly pressed by an angry Morgoth in black sequins smelling vaguely of fish....*

[Willow Oran]

OOC: I know you aren't stupid dear, that was Goldie in character as gollumish thing who called you stupid.

Magdalena: (Senses the hiccup as the penguins reappear and somehow hear human's arguments.) Ha! Your logic is even more flawed. Since the rings are no longer lost the requiarments are no longer met and therefore the penguins can't return and since you failed to specify that they remained while you were ninja mode before they disappeared at that point in time they could be banished if the requiarments for their exsistence were no longer met.

(The Nine Deaf penguins redissappear.)

Human: Oh drat!

[Nazgûl Queen]

NQ: *to Ninja* Technically, she's right...

Ninja: You stay out of this!!!

NQ: Oh, sorry...

[Human#3.141592653]

OOC: I know you aren't stupid dear, that was Goldie in character as gollumish thing who called you stupid.

Well, it was a moot point to begin with, but now it's settled. I really am stupid, I just like making a fuss!

But on with the penguins! They still Exist! And here's why!

Since the rings are no longer lost the requiarments are no longer met and therefore the penguins can't return.

Yes, but the rings were lost at one point; when you disappeared. Even if you knew where they were every one else on the moot did not (With the possible exception of Katt.) That counts as lost, even if it was for a moment. Human is in Ninja mode, an existentialist is in middle earth, the rings were lost (even if they are found now) caused the penguins to appear.

That was then.

This is now: A TOTALLY DIFFERENT SET OF REQUIREMENTS IS NEEDED TO MAKE THEM STOP EXISTING. The rings now have nothing to do with the penguins lost or not.

and since you failed to specify that they remained while you were ninja mode before they disappeared at that point in time they could be banished if the requiarments for their exsistence were no longer met.

Then you weren't reading my posts very well. When the penguins appeared I posted the rules for them right after they took flight(It's also the post here Ninja offers a squeaky to NQ.) Read it again and you will find the rules at the end of that post.

I win!!!

[Human#3.141592653]

OOC: Oh, if you have another argument, post it in the discussion thread. That's what it's there for! I’m sure that we will make Earinal very happy.

*Hiccup*

Ninja: Ah! It's good to have me penguins back!

NQ: Since when are you Irish?

Ninja: Quiet you! ....wait, what are you doing here?

NQ: Well, I tired to get you the Valar, except uh...

Ninja: what?!

NQ: *Quietly*...Roya...

Ninja: *Questioning* Roya?

NQ: *reluctantly* Roya...

Ninja: *Disgurntled* Roya?

NQ: *wailing* Roya!

Ninja: *Incerdulous* Roya?!

NQ: *Sobbing* Roya.

Ninja: *Suspcious* Roya?

NQ: *Confirming*Roya.

Ninja: *Yelling* KATT!!!

Katt: *Answering* Ninja?

Mirahzi *Following* Katt?

Ninja: *Introducing* Mirahzi.

NQ: *Introducing* NQ.

Ninja: *Irratated* Katt?

Katt: *Inocently* Ninja?

Ninja: *Quietly* Roya.

Katt: *Questioning* Roya?

Ninja: *Angry* Roya!!

Katt: *laughing* Oh..Roya!

Ninja: *Threatening* Katt...

Katt: *Joyfully* Ninja!

[Nazgûl Queen]

OOC: *blinks and goes quiet* ...huh?

[Tanoliel]

Tano: Um. Maggie?
Maggie: Yes, what?
Tano: What's with all these hiccups? Do we need to get reality a glass of water, or something? Because something needs to be done, like stopping Ninja, and getting Katt back, and so on and so forth...



ooc: Heh. ROYA?!

[Willow Oran]

(Magdalena and company barge into the room where Human and the others are meeting.)

Magdalena: Human, for the last time, those penguins of your no longer exsist! Deal with it!

(She proceeds to make this statement true by blasting said penguins into oblivion with the power of the real rings. Everyone freezes waiting for the famalier jolt of a hiccup by nothing happens, the penguins and the hiccups are gone for good.)

Human: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Stupid rings! Stupid re-embodied Maggies! Stupid Stupid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

(With that she dissappears, escaping into some weird dimension of her own.)

Mirazhi: *blinking* Hey.... aren't you supposed to be dead?

Magdalena: No, I decided, I'm an elf.

Katt: Yes!!! Sorry Morgoth but I think it's time for me to switch sides again.

Tano: Speaking of Morgoth.... What are we going to do with him and grumpy over there?

(Points to the cornor where Morgoth and Sauron are standing attempting to look menacing. Tano continues: )

And what about Mirazhi?

Magdalena: Er... Mirazhi better stay with us. As for those two.... Does anyone remember what happened to Galadriel and Celeborn? I'm sure they have some old grudges against these two that they'd enjoy reminding them of....

[Human#3.141592653]

Ninja sits in that weird place of limbo where he goes when he doesn't post for a awhile....

Ninja: Stupid stupid stupid stupid....*Wails* She's not following the rules! And I haven't even done anything yet! My poor precious penguins....precious...Not Fair! Not fair! We played by her rules, and now the precious is all broken, isn't that good, precious? Isn't that enough? Curse us and crush us my precious! But she doesn't know about the side door, does she, precious, no, she doesn't know about the loop hole...and we still have it, don't we precious, it's mine, my own....it's enough that we have it, precious....

She can't play both sides. Not fair precious, no. Not unless we plays both sides too. If we gets a wee bits tricksy....hee hee hee!

*Ninja escapes from limbo and goes running over Hill and Dale, passing many a wandering penguin along the way. He runs for days and days before finally arriving it what looked like Manchester, England, but wasn't really...to a little bar for Nihilists and slam poets to drink coffee with a little bourbon at four in the morning a complain about how tiresome life really was. It wasn't the sort of place Ninja would usually go under any circumstances, but the person working the espresso machine just so happened to be none other than:*

Ninja: Melkor!

*Yes Indeed! (And I do know that Morgoth and Melkor are the same person, but so's Maggie and E. Magige, so just bare with me...)

Melkor: Yeah, what can I do ya for?

Ninja: I'm trying to take over middle earth.

Melkor: ha! Good luck with that one! I gave up years ago!

Ninja: I need your help.

Melkor: How?...Do you have nine invisible penguins the size of sparrows floating around your head?

Ninja: Yes. Yes I do. But anyway, There's this person, Maggie, and she's got an evil side, and a good side and more alter egos than I care to recount, (and believe you me, that they are numerous,) and there's no way that I can fight her. She's too powerful, there's nothing that I can do. She's just blows everything away!

Melkor: The penguins?

Ninja: Well, you see, they came into existence, but were then blown out if existence, but only they can't stop existing because I'm still in Ninja mode, but they don't really exist, but they can't stop existing...

Melkor: ...and so the circle around your head in a state of semi existence?

Ninja:...in a way, yes. I supose you could say that….

Melkor: I'm not going to help you fight Maggie.

Ninja: Nor would I ask you to. Direct confrontation is completely and utterly useless. Suicidal even.
So, I'm going to surrender.

Melkor: To her?

Ninja: To her.

Melkor: So what you doing here?

Ninja: Would you feed my fish while I'm gone? Not too much mind, just about half a spoon full every other day, M'kay?

*Back at the Lonely Mountain...Katt, NQ, Maggie, Mirahzi and sundry others were all sitting around a big table having a post- penguin-exploding drinks.*

Katt: Mmmmm, good tea!

*Ninja uses the door to enter in a perfectly normal fashion.*

Ninja: *Acknowledging* Maggie.

Maggie: *Rising* Ninja.

Ninja: Your power is beyond compare. There is no way that I can fight it. So I surrender. *kneels*

*pause*

Ninja: No seriously! I am!

Maggie: ha! And you think that I'm going to believe you?! I know that you are just trying to win my trust so that you can betray me in the end!

Ninja: To who would I betray you? Morgoth and Souron couldn't conquer a moldy cheese sandwich with both hands. Melkor's serving coffee in Manchester, and as a for E. Maggie...well. I don't think that it's beyond you to be able to take care of her in short order.

Maggie: And if you aid her?

Ninja: Aiding you is aiding her, a in weird sort of Twilight zoney way....I'm tired! Maybe none of it really matters but I'm tired of running through the hill on the Po-go still of Doom Shouting "SPOOOOONNNN!!!!!!!" At random moments
*Whines* I wanna be one of the good guys drinking tea!!!
*whines*

Maggie: Alright already, just stop making that noise! I hate it when they make that noise...*Walks over and grabs script and flips and few pages ahead and behind, then flips many many many pages ahead, and closes the book satisfied.* Well. It does say that you have every intention of aiding me in destroying E. Maggie....

Ninja: But...?

Maggie: I still have my doubts.

[goldiegollum]

While all this arguing and visiting Melkor who works the espresso machine is going on, GG has been climbing a tree outsied. The penguing who had been following her around waited at the bottom, staring, head cocked to one side, with it's usual dazed sort of stare.

Suddenly, GG notices that the penguin is not waiting there anymore. She jumps down from tree in time to see it waddeling off towards the room where everyone is meeting.

GG wonderes what could cause this penguin to leave her, since it seemed to have attached it's self to her, and came to an inevitable conclusion; Ninja.

Yes, the penguin had been drawn, as all penguins inevitably are, to it's lord, the former master of the penguin armies who currently has 9 half-existing invisible penguins the size of sparrows flying above his head.

GG: hey! come back, how come human gets all the penguins, and my squeaky too!

Penguin: *shrugs shoulders* Mier? *continues to waddle on towards Ninja*

GG: Wait... if Ninja is here, and she has my squeaky...*snaps into gollum mode* SQUEAKY!!!!!!!!!!!!!*runs madly towards Ninja*

Right when Ninja is about to convince Maggie to lett her be one of the good guys and drink tea, GG comes barging in, and jumps on her

GG: SQUEAKY!!! IT'S MINE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *again, they fall fighting and biting and kicking to the floor in an uncivilized dustcloud.*

Maggie: Not again *snaps fingers* that'll be enough, you two!

*the power in her comand forces them to freeze, in midfight, ninja pulling savagley at goldie's hair, glodie biting human's ancle.*

Nninja: *whines* She started it! *points accusing finger at goldie*

GG: HIHSCH HOSHIDSD! *unfoutunatley nobody can understand what she was trying to say as her mouth is full of ninja's ancle*

*at this moment the confuzzled penguin waddles into the room, sees ninja, walks over to her and bows*

Penguin: *in an 'at your service' sort of way* Mier.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Luckily Katt was there.

Katt: Stop with the squeeky!!!

*At that moment, Katt (who had secretly stolen all but the one squeeky in a series of events that if you heard would make you wince and say "ooh, ahwaao!" while katt watched and smiled evily) produced 10 squeekies of power.*

Katt: The nine penguins took their squeekies with them and Ninja still has his. *Takes squeeky out of Ninja's hair* Well, not anymore.

*Katt made a shoveing motion, and Goldie rolled over onto the floor. Katt then grabbed Ninja by the back of his colar and made him kneel in front of Maggie.*

Katt: *Holds out squeekies to Magdalena* Mistress, Ninja gives these to you as a sign of his unconditional surrender.

OOC: There is still time to change it if you don't like it. Personally I think Maggie should get addicted to the squeek.

OOC2: Would any of you happen to know exactly where my Sadistic Harem of Loving Doom is? Heh heh heeeeh.

[Nazgûl Queen]

NQ: *very quietly* Ummmm... could i have my squeaky back? Please??? *puppy-dog eyes*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Katt and Maggie posting

*Maggie took the squeekies and was about to do something with them when a water bottle flew through the window and bounced off of Maggie's forehead.*

Maggie: What the-?

*She picks up the water bottle and opens it pulling a message out of the bottle, she reads the message her face growing annoyed and grim as she reads*

Maggie: Bad news, Roya is holding the Valar hostage in a jam jar and has declared war on the free peoples of middle earth.

Everyone(including Elrond and Grady who have somehow wandered in and rejoined us) : Oh no... not again (or variations)

*Katt decided it was time to leave. As she left she smacked Mirahzi and Glordifle giving them a clear message to follow. She turned back outside, took out a paint can, and scrawled this message on the wall.*

Make LOVE not War!

*Katt returned to her Sadistic Harem of Loveable Doom with Mirahzi and Glordifle following*

OOC: 8 people in my Harem!!!

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: This is Maggie posting now, we're at school and we're too lazy to bother logging in and out so we're simply both using Katt's account at the moment.

Human: Well, at least now we don't have to worry about coming up with another villan to fight.

Maggie: Oh shut up. You surrendur is accepted as I shall need everyone's help against Roya. She is not subject to the rings or my will and defeating her will require much thought.

Glorfindel: We shall stand by you in this as before, what must we do?

Maggie: Stay out of danger if you can, she will capture all who she can and she will not hesitate to kill any of you.

Elrond: And I suppose you have something up your sleeve as usual?

Maggie: I think I do, I think I shall have to use my secret weapon.

Tano: What secret weapon?

Maggie: My most powerful secret weapon, the one that is so powerful and so secret that even I don't know what it is.

Grady (who knows Maggie and her weapons) : Oh dear...

Goldie (who is still curious) : Maggie, just what is the invisable fish?

Maggie (disgruntled) : It's my secret weapon, though how you figured that out I don't know, guess it isn't so secret anymore.

NQ: Seeing as we still have no idea what it is or what is does I would say that it is still very secret.

[goldiegollum]

GG: I didn't really figure it out... it just sounded cool, but can I see it? no wait it's invisible so nevermind. Ok, what i really have to say is-
*Shenotices nobody is listening, as they are all involved in various conversations and odd antics, including Ninja rolling on the floor and shouting odd phrases at a very confused Elrond*

GG: *Loudly* AAAARG!!!STOPANDLISTENTOMEEEEEE!!!!!!!

*all stop and listen exept for Ninja*

Ninja: *now sporking around elrond* AND THE RINOCEROUS JUST PICKED BE UP LIKE I WAS SOME KIND OF- .oh, yeah i'll shut up now.

GG: Ok now before we do anything else i want to get this issue with the squeaky sorted out because yous see...*loses composure and whines* I wannit back! *whines some more*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Yeah, give Goldie back the squeekie. She won't use it. Just keep Ninja from getting it.

OOC2: Don't forget about removing the excastencialist from Middle Earth. Unfortunatly, the Gap of the Exastentialist is about to do more damage.

*It was midnight at the Gap of the Exastentialist. The only visable light came from a small fire before which Katt kneeled. It was yellowish and sickly looking and reflected badly off the circle of blood enclosing Katt and the fire. Katt bandaged the wrist she cut to make the circle then took the bag of powder to throw on the fire. The flame shot up in a blue spectical creating a portal into another world.*

Katt: Most exelent and excuisit beauty! Your servant calls. *Touches head to ground*

*Out of the portal stepped a tall man, beautiful enought to be Aphroditie's twin. The portal vanished, and in the quickly receding fire light, you could tell this man was a vampire. For personal reasons, the vampire's name shall remain anonomous. He stood in front of Katt.*

Vampire: Arise. Why hast thou brought me to this baren place?

Katt: *rising* Your servant wishes you a full life and brings you here to ask a favour.

Vampire: *Scornfull but amused* What could you ask of me? You became my servant willingly.

Katt: And shall remain your servant for many years after. Even till eternity, but I would wish a different form. Make me a vampire. *Sees the dissaproving look on his face* You said the day would come, *shy* and I now confess I have need of the gift.

Vampire: *Amused but relenting* And why would thou have this "Precious Gift" now?

Katt: *standing strait and tall as if quoting* To lay waste to my enimies, to comfort my friends, and to conquor this world.

Vampire: These are foolish goals. But, I suppose you must learn at some point. *sighs*

*The vampire moved forward. Katt closed her eyes, eager to embrace her fate. The vampire casually jerked her head to one side, and found the perfect spot to pierce. Both could not help but feel the rush of pain and pleasure and one gained the other's life. Just before Katt would have been fully drained, the vampire pulled away, slit his own wrist, and gave it to Katt to drink. The transfer was quick, and soon Katt had recovered.*

Vampire: *stepping back* You have heard of and seen the transfer performed many times. I shall leave you now to deal with the rest on your own.

Katt: *kneeling and reaching for the bag* I shall send you back.

Vampire: *stops Katt* No no! That's all right. I don't really care for that mode of transportation. Too much soot. I'll get back on my own.

*And all at once he was gone. Katt went to snare a rabbit for supper before going back to her own harem to begin her army.*

OOC: I was bored. Oh well.

[Tanoliel]

OOC: Ooooooh, NO! They're all PRONGS! PRONGS, I SAY!
Right. What religion was this vampire before he became a vampire? Just...ya know...out of curiosity. Oh...and if his name is anything similiar to Vladimir, Francesco, or Simon, or if he comes from France or Rumania, I'm going to have to go stake someone with a grapefruit spoon.

Tano: Maggie?
Maggie: Yes, what?
Tano: I have an idea...a secret weapon idea. *whispers into Maggie's ear, as this is a very secret secret*

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: No. It's an Anne Rice vampire. From the USA. But he has got a kinda accent. I dunno.