Lyrd Of The Ryngs - The Homies

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 3.6. The King of the Golden Hall

They drove on through sunset, and slow dusk, and gathering night. When at last they halted and dismounted, even Aragorn was stiff and weary. Gandalf only allowed them a few hours' rest. Legolas and Gimli slept and Aragorn lay flat, stretched upon his back; but Gandalf stood, leaning on his staff, gazing into the darkness, east and west. All was silent, and there was no sign or sound of living thing. The night was barred with long clouds, fleeting on a chill wind, when they arose again. Under the cold moon they went on once more, as swift as by the light of day.

Hours passed and still they rode on. Gimli nodded and would have fallen from his seat, if Gandalf had not clutched and shaken him. Hasufel and Arod, the two Rohirrim bikes, needed to be refueled, and then they followed their tireless leader, a greyish white shadow before them hardly to he seen. The miles went by. The waxing moon sank into the cloudy West.

A bitter chill came into the air. Slowly in the East the dark faded to a cold grey. Red shafts of light leapt above the black walls of the Emyn Muil far away upon their left. Dawn came clear and bright; a wind swept across their path, rushing through the bent grasses. Suddenly Shadowfax stopped. Gandalf pointed ahead.
"Look!" he cried, and they lifted their tired eyes. Before them stood the mountains of the South: white-tipped and streaked with black. The grass-lands rolled against the hills that clustered at their feet, and flowed up into many valleys still dim and dark, untouched by the light of dawn, winding their way into the heart of the great mountains. Immediately before the travellers the widest of these glens opened like a long gulf among the hills. Far inward they glimpsed a tumbled mountain-mass with one tall peak; at the mouth of the vale there stood like sentinel a lonely height. About its feet there flowed, as a thread of silver, the stream that issued from the dale; upon its brow they caught, still far away, a glint in the rising sun, a glimmer of gold. "Speak, Legolas!" said Gandalf. "Tell us what you see there before us!"

Legolas gazed ahead, shading his eyes from the level shafts of the new-risen sun. "I see a white stream that comes down from the snows," he said. "Where it issues from the shadow of the vale a green hill rises upon the east. A dike and mighty wall and barbed wire encircle it. Within there rise the roofs of houses; and in the midst, set upon a green terrace, there stands aloft a great skyscraper of Men. And it seems to my eyes that it is thatched with gold. The light of it shines far over the land. Golden, too, are the posts of its doors. There men in bright mail stand; but all else within the courts are yet asleep."
"Edoras those courts are called," said Gandalf,"and Meduseld is that golden hall. There dwells Théoden son of Thengel, King of the Mark of Rohan. We are come with the rising of the day. Now the road lies plain to see before us. But we must ride more warily; for war is abroad, and the Rohirrim, the Bikers, do not sleep, even if it seem so from afar. Draw no weapon, speak no haughty word, I counsel you all, until we are come before Théoden's seat."

The morning was bright and clear about them, and birds were singing, when the travellers came to the stream. It ran down swiftly into the plain, and beyond the feet of the hills turned across their path in a wide bend, flowing away east to feed the Entwash far off in its reed-choked beds. The land was green: in the wet meads and along the grassy borders of the stream grew many willow-trees. Already in this southern land they were blushing red at their fingertips. Feeling the approach of spring. Over the stream there was a ford between low banks where the treads of many bikes had passed. The travellers passed over and came upon a wide rutted track leading towards the uplands.

At the foot of the walled hill the way ran under the shadow of many mounds, high and green. Upon their western sides the grass was white as with a drifted snow: small flowers sprang there like countless stars amid the turf.
"Look!" said Gandalf. "How fair are the bright eyes in the grass! Evermind they are called, simbelmynë in this land of Men, for they blossom in all the seasons of the year, and grow where dead men rest. Behold! we are come to the great barrows where the sires of Théoden sleep." "Seven mounds upon the left, and nine upon the right," said Aragorn. "Many long lives of men it is since the golden hall was built."
"Five hundred times have the red leaves fallen in Mirkwood in my home since then," said Legolas,"and but a little while does that seem to us."
"But to the Bikers of the Mark it seems so long ago," said Aragorn,"that the raising of this house is but a memory of song, and the years before are lost in the mist of time. Now they call this land their home, their own, and their speech is sundered from their northern kin." Then he began to chant softly in a slow tongue unknown to the Elf and Dwarf; yet they listened, for there was a strong music in it.
"That, I guess, is the language of the Rohirrim," said Legolas;"for it is like to this land itself; rich and rolling in part, and else hard and stern as the mountains. But I cannot guess what it means, save that it is laden with the sadness of Mortal Men."
"It runs thus in the Common Speech," said Aragorn,"as near as I can make it.

Where now the Bike and the Biker? Where is the horn that was blowing?
Where is the helmet and the Leathergear, and the bright hair flowing?
Where is the hand on the electric guitar, and the red fire glowing?
Where is the spring and the harvest and the tall corn growing?
They have passed like rain on the mountain, like a wind in the meadow;
The days have gone down in the West behind the hills into shadow.
Who shall gather the smoke of the dead wood burning,
Or behold the flowing years from the Sea returning?

Thus spoke a forgotten poet long ago in Rohan, recalling how tall and fair was Eorl the Young, who rode down out of the North; and there were wings upon the feet of his steed, Felaróf, father of Bikes. So men still sing in the evening."

With these words the travellers passed the silent mounds. Following the winding way up the green shoulders of the hills, they came at last to the wide wind-swept walls and the gates of Edoras.

[Grey_Wolf]

There sat many men in camouflaged combat fatigues who sprang at once to their feet and barred the way with M16 rifles. "Stay, strangers here unknown!" they cried in the tongue of the Riddermark, demanding the names and errand of the strangers. Wonder was in their eyes but little friendliness; and they looked darkly upon Gandalf.

"Well do I understand your speech," he answered in the same language;"yet few strangers do so. Why then do you not speak in the Common Tongue, as is the custom in the West, if you wish to be answered?"
"It is the will of Théoden King that none should enter his gates, save those who know our tongue and are our friends," replied one of the guards. "None are welcome here in days of war but our own folk, and those that come from Mundburg in the land of Gondor. Who are you that come heedless over the plain thus strangely clad, riding bikes like to our own bikes? Long have we kept guard here, and we have watched you from afar. Never have we seen other bikers so strange, nor any bike grander than is one of these that bear you. He is One of the Mearas, unless our eyes are cheated by some spell. Say, are you not a wizard, some spy from Saruman, or phantoms of his craft? Speak now and be swift!"
"We are no phantoms," said Aragorn,"nor do your eyes cheat you. For indeed these are your own bikes that we ride, as you knew well are you asked, I guess. But seldom does thief ride home to the stable. Here are Hasufel and Arod, that Éomer, the Third Marshal of the Mark, lent to us, only two days ago. We bring them back now, even as we promised him. Has not Éomer then returned and given warning of our coming?"

[Grey_Wolf]

A troubled look came into the guard's eyes. "Of Éomer I have naught to say," he answered. "If what you tell me is truth, then doubtless Théoden will have heard of it. Maybe your coming was not wholly unlooked-for. It is but two nights ago that Wormtongue came to us and said that by the will of Théoden no stranger should pass these gates."
"Wormtongue, the catburglar?" said Gandalf, looking sharply at the guard. "Say no more! My errand is not to Wormtongue, but to the General of the Mark himself. I am in haste. Will you not go or send to say that we are come?" His eyes glinted under his deep brows as he bent his gaze upon the man.
"Yes, I will go," he answered slowly. "But what names shall I report? And what shall I say of you? Old and weary you seem now, and yet you are fell and grim beneath, I deem'
"Well do you see and speak," said the wizard. "For I am Gandalf. I have returned. And behold! I too bring back a bike. Here is Shadowfax the Great, whom no other hand can tame. And here beside me is Aragorn son of Arathorn, the heir of Kings, and it is to Mundburg that he goes. Here also are Legolas the Elf and Gimli the Dwarf, our comrades. Go now and say to your master that we are at his gates and would have speech with him, if he will permit us to come into his hall." "Strange names you give indeed! But I will report them as you bid and learn my master's will," said the guard. "Wait here a little while, and f will bring you such answer as seems good to him. Do not hope too much! These are dark days." He went swiftly away, leaving the strangers in the watchful keeping of his comrades. After some time he returned. "Follow me!" he said. "Théoden gives you leave to enter; but any weapon that you bear; be it only a staff, you must leave on the threshold. The doorwardens will keep them."

The dark gates were swung open. The travellers entered, walking in file behind their guide. They found a broad path, paved with hewn stones, now winding upward, now climbing in short flights of well-laid steps. Many wellbuilt but abandoned villas and many dark doors they passed. Beside the way in a stone channel a stream of clear water flowed, sparkling and chattering. At length they came to the crown of the hill. There stood a high platform above a green terrace, at the foot of which a bright spring gushed from a stone carved in the likeness of bike; beneath was a wide basin from which the water. spilled and fed the falling stream. Up the green terrace went a stair of stone, high and broad, and on either side of the topmost step were stone-hewn sea, There sat other guards, with their M-16's laid upon their knees. Their golden hair was braided on their shoulders, the sun was blazoned upon their green body armour, they wore green/brown camouflaged combat fatigues and kevlar helmets, and when they rose taller they seemed than mortal men.
"There are the doors before you," said the guide. "I must return now to my duty at the gate. Farewell! And may the General of the Mark be gracious to you!"

He turned and went swiftly back down the road. The others climbed the long stair under the eyes of the tall watchmen. Silent they stood now above and spoke no word, until Gandalf stepped out upon the paved terrace at the stairs head. Then suddenly with clear voices they spoke a courteous greeting in their own tongue.

Hail, corners from afar!" they said, and they turned the hilts of their rifles towards the travellers in token of peace. Polished metal flashed in the sunlight. Then one of the guards stepped forward and spoke in the Common Speech.
"I am the Doorward of Théoden," he said. "Háma is my name. Here I must bid you lay aside your weapons before you enter."

Then Legolas gave into his hand his silver-hafted knife, his quiver and his bow. "Keep these well," he said,"for they come from the Golden Wood and the Lady of Lothlórien gave them to me."

Wonder came into the man's eyes, and he laid the weapons hastily by the wall, as if he feared to handle them. "No man will touch them I promise you," he said.

Aragorn stood a while hesitating. "It is not my will," he said,"to put aside my powersaw or to deliver Andúril to the hand of any other man."
"It is the will of Théoden," said Háma.
"It is not clear to me that the will of Théoden son of Thengel even though he be general of the Mark, should prevail over the will of Aragorn son of Arathorn, Elendil's heir of Gondor."
"This is the house of Théoden, not of Aragorn, even were he King of Gondor in the seat of Denethor," said Háma, stepping swiftly before the doors and barring the way. He had now turned the business end of his rifle towards the strangers.
"This is idle talk," said Gandalf. "Needless is Théoden's demand, but it is useless to refuse. A king will have his way in his own hall, be it folly or wisdom."
"Truly," said Aragorn. "And I would do as the master of the house bade me, were this only a woodman's cot, if I bore now any powersaw but Andúril."
"Whatever its name may be," said Háma,"here you shall lay it, if you would not fight alone against all the men in Edoras."
"Not alone!" said Gimli, fingering the blade of his axe, and looking darkly up at the guard, as if he were a young tree that Gimli had a mind to fell. "Not alone!"
"Come, come!" said Gandalf. "We are all friends here. Or should be; for the laughter of Mordor will be our only reward, if we quarrel. My errand is pressing. Here at least is my powersaw, goodman Háma. Keep it well. Glamdring it is called, for the Elves made it long ago. Now let me pass. Come, Aragorn!"

Slowly Aragorn unbuckled his belt and himself set powersaw upright against the wall. "Here I set it," he said;"but I command you not to touch it, nor to permit any other to lay hand on it. In this elvish heath dwells the Blade that was Broken and has been made again. Telchar first wrought it in the deeps of time. Death shall come to any man that draws Elendil's sword save Elendil's heir."

The guard stepped back and looked with amazement on Aragorn. "It seems that you are come on the wings of song out of the forgotten days he said. It shall be, lord, as you command.
"Well," said Gimli,"if it has Andúril to keep it company, my axe may stay here, too, without shame'; and he laid it on the floor. "Now then, if all is as you wish, let us go and speak with your master."

The guard still hesitated. "Your staff," he said to Gandalf. "Forgive me, but that too must be left at the doors."
"Foolishness!" said Gandalf. "Prudence is one thing, but discourtesy is another. I am old. If I may not lean on my stick as I go, then I will sit out here, until it pleases Théoden to hobble out himself to speak with me."

Aragorn laughed. "Every man has something too dear to trust to another. But would you part an old man from his support? Come, will you not let us enter?"
"The staff in the hand of a wizard may be more than a prop for age' said Háma. He looked hard at the ash-staff on which Gandalf leaned. "Yet in doubt a man of worth will trust to his own wisdom. I believe you are friends and folk worthy of honour, who have no evil purpose. You may go in."

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

As the company entered in, it was hard for their eyes to adgust from the morning light outside, to the inner hallways, lit only by small torches with failing batteries, but, as they did, they passed many carven wooden pillars, with gilted images of bikes and bikers, and painted murals and photographs of a tall man on a swift motorcycle travelling over green plains.

"these pictures show the story of Eorl the Tall, as he came to the aid of Cirion the steward in the field of Celebrant" said Gandalf, pointing as they passed

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

They entered then entered the Garage of Theoden, General of the Rohan Bikers. Theoden sat on his throne, bent, balding and with a very runny nose. Next to him was Grima, who was called Wormtounge. He was dressed in black and white stripes, with a big bag marked 'LOOT'.
"Hail General Theoden. The welcome and wealth of Garage has lessened of late. Hearken to me now, and be free of this runny nose. Forget the counsels of Wormtounge. Did you not think it suspicious that his bag is marked 'loot'," cried Gandalf. Grima ran towards him but a cattle prod emerged form Gandalfs staff and he poked Grima.

[Grey_Wolf]

Book 3.7: Helm's Deep

Theoden rose and felt much the better although his bones was stiff from a long sitting. A women rushed forward, dressed in a yellow catsuit with a samurai sword hanging at her side, to take his arm to support him.

"Thanks, but no, Eowyn." he said."I must manage this on my own." He straightened up."Where is my Ceremonial Parade Uniform and my Ceremonial Sword? Where has Grima stashed them?"

Eowyn walked off towards the General's room and came back after a while carrying his Dress Greens, Parade, which was bedecked with the old campaign medals and markers, and the General's Ceremonial Sword. She helped him on with his uniform and handed him his Sword and personal firearm.

Then all of them began walking towards the Gates and well there the General spoke:

"Open the gates, the General cometh!"

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

As they opened the Gates Wormtounge stood before Theoden.
"I have only wished to serve you master," wimpered Wormtounge.
"Then serve me, come to war against Isengard or be banished," replied Theoden. Wormtounge contemplated this for a moment. Then he looked and spat at Theoden's feet before running towards the Edoras Bike Shop.
"Make sure none hurt him. Give him a bike a half a tank of petrol, but charge him for a full tank."

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

as bikers filled their helmets with water, to cleanse the steps that grima catburglar had feiled, a cry was let out by Hama the Doorwarf "Hail! Theoden General!"

[Grey_Wolf]

"Perhaps now you should release Eomer." said Gandalf."He was ever in your service."

"Yes. That is true. And since Hama has proven untrustworthy as a doorwarden he will be degraded to messenger."

Hama was sent to fetch Eomer and Theoden looked out over the landscape."It's not so dark out here."

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

'Perhaps you will join me in refreshment, such as time allows, of course' said Theoden
'Of course,' replied Gandalf, 'But swift must we now act! Who knows how far deep run Grima Catburglars treacheries?'

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Come now. Rest my guest," said Theoden.
"Nay," replied Aragorn. "We did not bring our weapons to rest against your garage wall. We will ride into battle with the Rohirrim, axe, sword and bow."
Theoden's hand moved down to where his sword should be but marked that it was missing.
"Perhaps you would feel your old strength better if you held your sword again," said Gandalf.

[Nurvingiel]

Grima watched all this in fear. "Théoden, do not listen to the Gandalf Stormcrow! He's just going to give you foul medecines and make you smell like onion."
"That may be so but I feel better than I have in years!" said Théoden, stretching and cracking his neck. Grima shuddered. He hated that sound. "And he did this without any funky-smelling ointments. I am much in his debt."
Gandalf quietly pocketed some Arthritis-Alleviating-Anenome-Aloe he had been about to offer.
"But that's just what he wants... for you to owe him something. I want only what's best for you," said Grima.
"In that case, get me my sword."
"Your... sword?"
"That's right. And you better not have let it rust," said Théoden, growing increasingly annoyed with Grima.
Grima realized he was on thin ice, and went to fetch it.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

"Take this my lord," said a tall figure. "It has always been at your service." The figure was Eomer.

Grima soon returned giving Herugrim, the Kings sword to Theoden. Theoden drew it and examined it carefully before kicking Wormtounge and lifting the sword above his head. At that point Aragorn jumped in.
"No m'lord. It is what Peter Jackson would have wanted. Don't do it."

[Last Child of Ungoliant]

'Can I at least say the line?' said theoden
'Ok' aragorn replied, rolling his eyes
'You would have had me crawling on all fours like a beast!'

[Grey_Wolf]

After that Grima was sent off on an offroad bike which had seen its best days. He roared off to Orthanc.

Meanwhile, Eomer was allowed to shower and change into a fresh green-and-black leather biker gear. After that Theoden cordially invited them all to a short meal.

[Telcontar_Dunedain]

They sat down eating microwaved meals which had been bought two for the price of one at the local supermarket, but where the fifth came from they had no idea.
"I can't thank you enough Gandalf my friend. What counsel do you give me n this dark hour?" said Theoden stil sniffing from the last threads of that runny nose.

[Grey_Wolf]

"My advice is that you send all your old ones, women and children to the mountains with every available S U V, family car and motorbike for safe keeping before Saruman's army of goons can catch them napping and then since Helm's Deep will have to take the brunt of his attack I suggest that we go there with all dispactch." said Gandalf."Gather all your troops and APS's behind the stout walls."

"As always your advice is sound. I will tell Eowyn that she's to rule in my absence and take care of my people." Theoden said.

"But, My General, I want to be with you, to fight by your side." objected Eowyn standing up drawing her samurai, looking striking in her yellow catsuit.

[Grey_Wolf]

"No, Eowyn, my dear, you must stay here and take care of the people." said Theoden."Now, gentlemen, the time has come to gear up and set off towards Helm's Deep."

They rose from the table and all but Gandalf, who already was geared up in his smashing white leather biker's gear, was given brand-new camouflaged combat fatigues and body armour.

As they exited the main hall of the Edoras Skyscraper and came out into the town square several of the Rohirrim had already gotten themselves ready and all armoured personnel carriers, Humvees and bikes were ticking over ready to go.

As they roared off down the winding road to the Gates Eowyn stood watching them, all hope of ever being allowed to fight temporarily lost.

[Grey_Wolf]

Down by the Gates several hundreds more of Rohirrim bikers were waiting the departure to Helm's deep and once they had joined them, the force formed up with General Theoden and Gandalf at the head and then they drove off.

[EarthBound]

Eowyn, it was said, looked troubled and melancholy to her people following the departure of Aragorn. For hours afterward she was seen sitting upon the steps to the great hall of her ancestors pulling the petals off small white flowers muttering "He loves...he loves me not...he loves me...he loves me not...". Many believed she was practicing magic; in fact she was...a most ancient kind.