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Old 02-18-2003, 01:06 PM   #321
goldiegollum
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occ: Maggie, what's this about being the wielder of the invisible fish?? and human is a boy...?

Varda plucks GG from her hair and holds her by her long (now rather tangled and dirty) glodish colored hair an arm length away(GG is fairly small compared to the vala, so her feet don't touch the ground) . Goldie's arms and legs flail around in the air for a while, eventually subsiding to a pathetic wimpering (it hurts to be held by your hair).

Varda: what are you, strange creature?

GG: Ach, nooo! it burns! It burns us, then big wicked peoples picks us up by our poor tender hairses! don't ask us who we is, it doesn't care, we is nothing, nothing!!*more pathetic wimpering*

Varda: Snap out of it! *slaps glodie across face* now, would you please answer me in non-gollum mode. Who are you?

GG: *snapping out of it* oh, hi...er...could you put me down please? *Varda suspicioulsy puts her down* Umm... I like to think i'm a mix between elf and hobbit, i mean i might really be a human, so maybe not really, but... i like to think so. *ends sentance lamley with impish/sheepish smile*

Varda: i mean, who are you? such as what side are you on...?

GG: Oh, um.... I am puck/gollum/smeagol/frances otherwise known as Goldiegollum, Goldie for short. As for sides, well, mostly i'm not on any side, really...I'm friends with Human *suspicious looks from others*, Maggie *embarressed look form maggie who can't believe she is friends with this mess*, Tano *no look at all from tano, who is too buysy birdwatching to notice*, and Tom Bombadill *puzzled/bemused looks from all*.
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"Fish every day! THree times a day! Fresh from the sea!"

But WHY...

I am the holder of the squeaky.
*squeaka-squeaka-squeaka*
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Old 02-19-2003, 03:37 AM   #322
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OOC: I think that human was originally suposed to be a boy in the beginning, but then I forgot, and now she's a he. But it hardly matters now as he's Ninja. I thought that we already had a similar converstation in the TLA thread...?

OOC2:
Quote:
don't ask us who we is, it doesn't care, we is nothing, nothing!!*more pathetic wimpering*
Is that Toa or nihilism ???

OOC3: Katt, you want to take over writing the torture scene? You want me to do it? (NO PUN INTENDED!!!)
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Old 02-19-2003, 12:14 PM   #323
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OCC: dunno. i haven't read the TLA thread, but that's fine.

quote:
human was originally suposed to be a boy in the beginning, but then I forgot, and now she's a he. But it hardly matters now as he's Ninja.

makes sense to me. or something.

OCC2: what's Toa and nihilism?

OCC3: i still want to know what's going on with that invisible fish

so...

Human begins to get bored with all the talk. He lifts the squeaky to his ear to amuse himself. Maggie, realizing that this will trigger Goldie into gollum mode again, and cause much chaos, gives him a warning glance. Unfortunatley, Ninja's don't understand warning glances. Before anyone could do anything...

*squeaka-squeaka-squeaka*

GG: *twitches* squeaky? SQUEAKY?!! *turns toward Human, sees squeaky* SQUEEAAAAKYYYYY!

Goldie jumps on humanand they wrestle around the ground in an uncivilized dustcloud. The Vala shake their heads.
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"Fish every day! THree times a day! Fresh from the sea!"

But WHY...

I am the holder of the squeaky.
*squeaka-squeaka-squeaka*
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Old 02-19-2003, 04:30 PM   #324
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Eärniel: Ah! Finally a good fight! *sits down with a bar of chocolate and enjoys the show*
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Old 02-19-2003, 05:40 PM   #325
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*Meanwhile, back at Angband*

NQ: I'm bored...

Scarlet: Why is that, mistress?

NQ: I've got nothing to do!!! We have control of angband, it has been restored and everything, our army are happy and helthy, but there's no work for me to do!!!

Scarlet: Why dont you take up a hobby? Do a sport, collect stamps, grow a garden...

NQ: I don't want a bloody hobby!! I want something interesting to do!!! I'm a semi-evil queen, i need something evil to do.

Scarlet: But if you put on Morya and go back, Maggie's One Ring will take control of you. BUT you cant take a form without wearing your ring...

NQ: Yes, thats the whole problem.

Scarlet: Why dont you watch tv?

NQ: *sighs, mutters and grumbles, all at the same time* FOINE then...

*she turns on the tv to see a news reporter showing live footage from the front, 24 hours a day.*

NQ: Hmmmmm... the valar are here? How interesting... *gets some popcorn and sits back to watch the fight*
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Old 02-19-2003, 07:44 PM   #326
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OOC: Ok, It's my turn to start doing evilness. Maggie, please don't kill me.... Yet.

*While all were watching the fight, someone with a smoke bomb came creeping up*

BANG!

*A flash of light and all were enveloped in smoke. In the ensuing commotion, Goldie and Ninja ended up under a group of falling vala who all suddenly dissapeared. Goldie, unfortunatly, was knocked unconcious.*

*When the smoke cleared, Roya was standing in the middle of everyone trying hurryedly to stuff water bottles into a burlap sack. When she realized she was being watched, her first thought was "Aw ****."*

*Suddenly Ninja stood up and saw Roya.*

Ninja: *Oblivious to what Roya was doing* Roya! I haven't seen you in a long time!

Roya: *After a moment* Human?

Ninja: Yeah. Oh sorry, I'm a ninja now. So how are you? What are you doing?

Roya: *Getting nervous at everyone's stares* Um, fine, yeah. I work for Evil Maggie, um, I gotta go.

Ninja: What's the rush? *An elf walks up to try to apprehend Roya* Excuse me. *pushes elf away*

Roya: Um, buisness and stuff, uh, make my excuses, uh, bye! *vanishes*

Ninja: Nice to see her again. *Turns around and is caught in the glares from everyone.* What?

Galadriel: You let her escape.

G. Maggie: With the valar.

Ninja: Uh, um, really must be going. Morgoth calls you know. Bye. *Zips off*

Goldie: *Waking up* Lost! Losts it is! *Sobs*

All except Goldie: This is just great. Now what are we gonna do?

OOC: That was fun. I promise I will do the torture sceen really soon. Today in fact. I just need a spot of time to prepare myself.

Quote:
Acting, a-thank you! *bows*
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How to Survive the Sillmarillion

I thought that Alcohol was just for those with nothing else to do.
I thought that drinking just to get drunk was a waste of precious booze.
But now I know that there's a time and there's a place where I can choose
To walk the fine line between self control and self abuse.


"Lacerations make complications, but welts go away in a day."
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Old 02-19-2003, 10:50 PM   #327
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OOC: Ok, I had this great idea! It's where--

You'll see!


*Back in Morgoth's torture chamber, Morgoth could be seen knotting the end of a thread that finished sewing on Katt's personal Total Wrist Bonds (TWB's)*

Morgoth: I like putting care into what I do. That's why I personally make my prisoners bonds and custom fit them.

Katt: All you always this generous?

Morgoth: *putting sewing basket away* I like to think so. Apparently some elves got it into their head that I only help people to extort them. Where could they have gotten that from? *Hangs Katt up by her TWB's*

Katt: No ider.

Mirahzi: *entering* It took me three hours and 47 minutes, but I finally finished reading the script.

Katt: Hi Mirahzi!

Mirahzi: *glares* Katt.

Morgoth: *cheerfully* You two know each other?

Katt: *even more cheerfully* Oh yes. We went to school together.

Mirahzi: And I hated every minute of it. I didn't know you were here.

Katt: I thought you said you read the script.

Mirahzi: Yeah well, *flustered and indignant* I didn't know it was you Katt.

Katt: Come on! Who else spells their name like me? Who else trades sides in an instant? Who else is so...

Morgoth: *hyper cheerful* Insane?

Mirahzi: *still looking daggers* Evil?

Katt: hyperpsycoticgrooveolisicousinsanevampirebatsie?

Mirahzi: *gawks*

Morgoth: *gawks*

Mirahzi: *gawks*

Morgoth: *gawks*

Mirahzi: Ok, enough of this. *Grabs pitchfork* I'll take my old job back, if only for her!

Morgoth: Ok fine. Poke her for a bit while I go get the real torture. Muah ha ha! *leaves*

*Mirahzi starts to advance on Katt with the pitchfork, and Katt is starting to get just a bit anxious.*

Katt: Um, Mirahzi, Morgoth did say poke. Hmn? Not kill.

*At the word kill a thought raced through Mirahzi's mind, hit the propper impulses to totaly disable his cognative reasoning center, and sped out of his brain to avoid the rush of violent thoughts. They didn't make it.*

Katt: Ok, sweetie, darling, sweetiedarling, put down the pitchfork and get something else. How about , um, a pillow!

*In Mirahzi's head*

Brain: Ooh! This is easy! Who told me to become a pasivist anyway?

Cognative Reasoning Center (CRC): Wait stop!

Brain: What?!? I thought I shut you off.

CRC: You can't do this!

Brain: Why not?

CRC: Because Morgoth told you not to!

Brain: But he didn't actually say that.

CRC: Well, no he didn't.

Brain: So we can kill the prisioner like usual.

CRC: That seems to make sense... NO! He said he would be back to torture the prisioner!

Brain: Oh bleah! Morgoth's always "I want that person alive!" "Don't kill him!" "Let me torture him!" This one is MINE!

CRC: Yes, but death is too good for her.

Brain: What? She put me through hell!

CRC: And you should put her through hell! Death is to easy a release. The pain is instantanious, and then she's gone! Dead!

Brain: That seems to make sense... No. It will make me feel better now and that's what counts.

CRC: But wait!

Brain: No. I'm gonna shut you off now.

CRC: Stop! You are wroonnnngnkjn...............................

Brain: There. Now body, lets kill her. Oh BUGGER! Who is this!


*At that moment Ninja came jumping into Mirahzi's vision. This caused him to drop the pitchfork in surprise, which caused Katt to breathe a sigh of relefe, which made Ninja actually notice Katt.*

Ninja: *oblivious to the fact Katt is hanging from a peg by her wrists* Katt! Long time no cheese omlette! How are you?

Katt: *Cheerful because oblivious to her own situation* Oh joyus. Why are you here?

Ninja: Oh, just gotta talk to Morgoth about a little problem. See ya! *To Mirahzi* You know, you should get that eratic breathing and shaking looked to. *Spork's out of room*

*Mirahzi has been quivering in shock in a heap on the floor. His CRC came back on and was scolding him harshly.*

Katt: *Suddenly Realizing* Hey! Wait! Get me out of here!

*A little ways down the hall, Ninja caught up to Morgoth who was skipping along merrily and half singing, half humming.*

Morgoth: Oh, it's great to have my body back, Hmn hmn hmmmm! Oh, I'm not in hell no more, Hmn hmn hmn hmn hmmm. Oh, I got my fishnets back, Hmn hmn hmm--

Ninja: Morgoth!

Morgoth: Hmn hmn hmmm, yes?

Ninja: There's been a bit of a problem.

Morgoth: Oh really? Nothing you can't deal with I hope.

Ninja: Actually, I can't do it.

Morgoth: Oh really? Sounds serious.

Ninja: All the valar got shrunken and put into water bottles.

Morgoth: Oh really? Sounds wonderful.

Ninja: It's not.

Morgoth: Why?

Ninja: Evil Maggie has got them now.

Morgoth: Oh fuk.

OOC: How did you like it? There is another torture sceen to come though. 4843/5000 max charactors in this post.
__________________
How to Survive the Sillmarillion

I thought that Alcohol was just for those with nothing else to do.
I thought that drinking just to get drunk was a waste of precious booze.
But now I know that there's a time and there's a place where I can choose
To walk the fine line between self control and self abuse.


"Lacerations make complications, but welts go away in a day."
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Old 02-20-2003, 02:53 AM   #328
Willow Oran
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It was at this point in time where everything began to go wrong. The next sequence of events in reality happened very, very fast; but we will slow it down so that you may see it clearly.

Galadriel: What are we going to do? Evil Maggie has just kidnapped and imprisoned all the Valar! What do you think we can do?

As she was saying this Eonwe, who had passed out from the smoke and who roya had missed, woke up in time to hear the words, "-Maggie has just kidnapped and imprisoned the Valar!" Not knowing about Evil Maggie but seeing that the person introduced as "Maggie" was right there he came to the only logical conclusion he could; that she had just committed a crime against his people and that if he removed her he would undo her crime. So it was that as Galadriel finished her question Maggie was hit with Eonwe's spear and killed instantly. Immediately after this happened the world blurred. Un-beknownst to all killing Maggie also killed all her alteregos and undid anything that she had directly caused to happen. In an instant all her spells, decoy dimensions, armies, and everything that she had put in place dissapeared. This did not however cause the Valar to become un-bottled as Roya had done that and not Maggie.

(The "welcome party" is suddenly back in Imladris along with Maggie's body)

Glor: (very stunned) She- who... how did this happen?

Eonwe: (also stunned and wondering if he might have made a mistake) I, she had imprisoned my Lords...

Elrond: You idiot... she was one of the only things keeping the other invaders, who by the way now have Morgoth on their side, in check. With her dead they're free to take over, we have not the strength nesecary to hold them off.

Eonwe: (frowning) What about the Three Rings?

Glor: (glaring at Eonwe, very angry) She had the three. And they appear to have gone with her.

Earniel: (coming in from where she had been watching Elena) What happened? (sees body) Oh... that would explain why Elena dissapeared when the decoy dimensions around the valley did. By the way, her being gone seems to have released Sauron from his puppy shape as well.

Eonwe: She's an elf right? We'll re-embody her right away then.

Tano: We weren't actually sure what she was, remember? For all we know she might have been human. She might not be able to come back now...

Elrond: Which leaves us up against Morgoth, with even less defense than the last time...

OOC: Mwahahahahaaa!!!!!!!!!! Yes, Maggie is really dead. Whether she will remain dead or not remains to be seen....
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Avoid these like the PLAGUE.
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Tough Guide To FantasyLand

...it's not much of a show if somebody doesn't suffer, and preferably at length. Suffering is beautiful in any case, and so is anguish; but as for loathing, and bitterness... I don't think they belong on the stage at all.

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Old 02-20-2003, 02:58 AM   #329
Human#3.141592653
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OOC: *Falls out of chair giggling* Oh...that was so wonderful.... *giggles* just the mental image of Mirahzi with a pitch fork...vala in water bottles...genius. Pure genius. But…what’s a personal Total Wrist Bond?

OOC2: By the way, because people will ask, “sporking” is a type of walking where you kick your legs out as far out in front of you as you can while traveling as fast as you can. It’s good for the humors of the spleen.

IC:

Morgoth and Ninja were walking down The Mighty Big Hall, deep within the Lonely Mountain, Discussing Matters of Great Importance....

Morgoth: Have you ever noticed in old texts, especially in the 1700's in America, they used to capitalize everything?

Ninja: *squeaka-squeaka-squeaka* *spork-spork-spork* Not at all! *squeaka-squeaka-squeaka**spork-spork-spork*

Morgoth oh...well...anyway, this is a very serious turn of events.

Ninja:*squeaka-squeaka-squeaka* Don't I know it! The Vala weren't very important to our Master Plan,*spork-spork-spork* but in the hands of Evil Maggie, they could be very dangerous. *squeaka-squeaka* *spork*

Morgoth: You know...that's incredibly distracting.

Ninja: What? *spork-spork*

Morgoth: Would you just...stop...for a second? No, just stop, Ok? Just stop.

Ninja: Ok.

Morgoth: Now, Nazgul Queen. She could be very easily persuaded our way, I think, if we offer her ultimate power, the chance to wreak havoc and chaos and chocolate!

Ninja: ....

Morgoth: You're thinking about it, aren't you?

Ninja: *indignant* Am not!!! ........

Morgoth: Ok, look. Just go and get it out of your system! And after, go talk to Nazgul Queen. I think that she is still on our side. Don’t scare her! But also keep in mind that we don’t need her, but it would be nice. She can be knida scary some times...
Ninja: .......

Morgoth: *Putting head in hands* Go.

Ninja: * Joyously sporks out of room*

Morgoth: *sighs*

Ninja: *Sporks back into room* Hey! Whose in charge here?!

*pause*

Ninja: Yeah, ok, I’m going now…

Meanwhile, back at Angband…

Scarlet: Well, the fights over. Ninja has left, and the various other people have wandered off. And now, after watching fifteen minutes of Goldie whimpering over the lost squeaky, we are now watching Goldie pick at the gunk under her toenails.

NQ: Well, if you can think of anything better to do, I’d like to hear it!

*Pause*

*Ninja slips quietly from the shadows in a neat, ninja like way, draped in a cloak of the deepest black. She silently slips up behind Scarlet and NQ*

Ninja: ‘Tis I! *throws back cloak* Hamlet the Dane!

*Pause* *On the screen, Goldie continues to pick at her feet* *pick-pick-pick*

Scarlet: Although...it is rather hypnotic...

*pick-pick-pick*
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Last edited by Human#3.141592653 : 02-20-2003 at 03:04 AM.
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Old 02-20-2003, 04:00 AM   #330
Human#3.141592653
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OOC: Dangit! I’m always posting at the same time as some one else! This is corrections and response to Maggie’s post.

*Pause* *pick-pick-pick*

Ninja: NO! I did not come here to watch the disgusting and yet strangely lulling picking of Goldie’s feet! I came here to ask if…you know…you were still into the whole…taking over middle earth thing…

NQ: Well, yeah! I, mean…I never switched sides or anything, and although I have want I want, I don’t relish the thought of Evil Maggie or any of the real onwers just coming in a taking it all. But it’s not like I have a corporeal body or anything…

Ninja: Ah! That’s where I come in! Behold the squeaky! The Master Squeaky!

NQ: Oh no, let me guess…one squeaky to rule them all, and in the darkness, bind them?

Ninja: Yup.

NQ: And you made three, seven, and nine others to be ruled by the Master squeaky?

Ninja: Yup. You’ll be getting Phil-lip, morqua a narwa. It’s the equivalent of Vil-ya, and made outside if the mastery of the one squeaky, so it will empower you, but it won’t bind to me like the others would. And should you accept it, it will be your appointed task to get the vala out of the water bottles. Morgoth and I will be dealign with them after that point.

*Ninja holds out his hand, and in it is a small dragon fly hair clip. It is ebony colored, and veined with red.*

NQ: *Impressed* Ooooooh….

Ninja: Do you accept?

Suddenly there is a large hiccup in the fabric of reality. It started to rain penguins. They hit the earth with the soft squeaks that dog toys make, and they bounced once or twice before settling. They slowly picked them selves up look at each other, less sure of what was going on than most mooters.

But one penguin got up and took in the scenery for a moment. It was just south of Lorien, and could see the great deep green mass of trees. While it’s brethren waddled about aimless and confused, this penguin looked up, and began to flap it’s wings. It lifted off the ground at the same moment another, north of the Shire got it’s bearings and began to fly. Then another, that appeared in the city of Gondor, and another and another. Soon, nine penguin could be seen in the skies, each flying from their respective starting point to the Lonely Mountain. The Nine Deaf Penguins of Ninja had been released.

The Nine only appeared if certain requirements were met: That Human was in Ninja mode, that an existentialist existed in Middle earth, and that the original Ring of power was lost. The Nine could remain only so long as Human remained in Ninja mode.
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Old 02-20-2003, 04:19 AM   #331
Nazgûl Queen
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NQ: Oooh... it's so pretty...

Ninja: It is, isn't it. Made of all the purest substances...

Scarlet: But remember what happened LAST time you accepted something pretty?

NQ: *looks at Morya on her hand* It's so pretty...

Scarlet: HEY! NQ!!!

NQ: Preciouss... what?

Scarlet: Remember what happened when you GOT Morya? The whole losing body, losing family, forced to kill all the people you loved...

Ninja: Stop living in the past, Scarlet! That's done, and NQ is irreversibly evil.

NQ: True...

Scarlet: He SAYS the One Squeaky has no control over you, but how do you know it is true? Do you WANT to be enslaved again?

NQ: You're right...

Ninja: BUT it isnt under our control, and it has far superior powers to Morya...

NQ: Oooh... powers...

Ninja: Plus, we're offerring you a chance to let your evil side free!!!

Scarlet: Noooo! NQ, think of your army! Think of all you've done! Are you willing to throw it all away???

NQ: Pretty... *takes Phil-lip and clips it to her pitch black hair where it glows red. Suddenly she is in a corporeal form again and grinning evilly.*

Scarlet: Not again...

Ninja: Excellent. You know your job.

NQ: Come on, Scarlet. Maggie is dead, so lets go find those Valar!!!
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Mistress of the Night

The Nazgûl Queen she was, the Ringwraith, the enemy's most terrible servant; darkness went with her and she cried with the voices of death.

Can be found loitering at Fantasy Essentials or her livejournal...
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Old 02-20-2003, 05:34 PM   #332
Willow Oran
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OOC: This post is both Maggie and Katt.

*Back in Morgoth's dungeon, Mirahzi had gathered his wits. He put them in a little straw basket and went skipping down the hall singing "Into the Woods".*

*But now, back to the incredible, awsome story of will power, stregnth, and total cowardice. In other words, Katt.*

Katt: Not in other words, those are the perfect words!

*Anyway, Morgoth came back into the room carrying a bag with Tiffiny's written on it.*

*Surprisingly enough, Katt got extremely scared!*

Katt: Www-what's in the b-b-b-ag?

Morgoth: *excessively cheerful* Oh, just a lovely little thing I picked up downtown yesterday! But first I think I'll poke you for a bit!

*Morgoth nanced over to Katt and poked her with one long, perfectly manicured, bright red fingernail.*

Morgoth: Poke! *Giggle* Poke pokeeee! *Giggle*

*At that perfectly wonderful moment Sauron came in. It should be noted at this point that Sauron is still his grumpy, evil , ugly, bent on world destruction self even if Morgoth is currently acting like a Mary Sue on prozac. *

Morgoth: Oh, hello sweetie darling! Would you like a biscuit?

Sauron: Who are you and what have you done with Morgoth?

Morgoth: Oh Annie, are you still in that grumpy, evil , ugly, bent on world destruction phase? Grow up! It's the new age! Put on some sequins!

*Inside Katt's Brain*

Sensible Kitty: I'm going to betray my mistress for these two?

Nonsense Kitty: Morgoth is right. He does need sequins.

SK: Don't tell me you are actually thinking of joining Morgoth?

NK: Oh come on. He has excelent taste. Look at that nail polish! That bright red goes with his eyes.

SK: Maggie had better taste. She wasn't so flamboyent.

NK: She was afraid to show how absolutly gorgeous she could be!

SK: She would never have left off a torture sesion for a conversation about sequins. Morgoth is far too flighty for our services.

NK: But we need flair! We need fun! We need the unexpected! *quietly* We need power.

SK: She was unexpected, within reason, Morgoth will be so unexpected that he'll kill you just for the fun of it one day. She'd never do that. she was loyal to the people who served her.

NK: If we were his servant it would be his right to kill us. Being loyal to the people who serve you? That is a sign of weakness. We need absolute power to serve. Only the corrupt Morgoth can ever have absolute power. Absolute power corrupts absolutly. To serve it is--


Morgoth: Excuse me! It is not polite to have a conversation with one's self in the company of others!

SK: It's stupid!!!! Maggie had absolute power over the good guys from their consent! Do you have any idea how much persuasion that takes? You're making a big mistake!!!!!!!

NK: Look, he's trying to persuade us to join him. Let's see how good a job he does before we start mistaking ourselves.

SK: Sounds fair.

NK: Jeesh who's side are you on anyway?

SK: Yours! I am Maggie! I posessed you to try and stop you from betraying me, and yourself.

NK: Well you just ruined it. Bye! I am never listining to the sensable part of me again!


Morgoth: Ahem, now that I have your attention, *to Sauron* Look, just clear off! I have a new assistant now. One with taste. Go on! Clear off!

*Sauron vanishes.*

Morgoth: Now that I have your attention, I would like to-- Aw forget it. Join me now.

Katt: Why?

Morgoth: Because I'm better than Maggie.

Katt: Why?

Morgoth: Because I have style.

Katt: Why?

Morgoth: Because, Shut up! Here. *Takes something out of bag* This is your prize for joining me.

*It was a fur coat. It shone in the light from the torches. It was dyed blood red and faded to white as it moved up from the bottom. As soon as Katt saw it her eyes started to water.*

Morgoth: Would you like to feel it?

Katt: No.

Morgoth: What?

Katt: I meant yes, it just came out no.

*Morgoth touched the fur to Katt's face.*

Katt: Ooh! We want's it!

Morgoth: Join me.

Katt: But, *Getting up a good whine* maggieeeeeeeee...

Morgoth: *again really cheerful* Oh, you needn't worry about her. She's dead.

Katt: *Shocked* You?

Morgoth: No of course not. One of the maiar got her.

Katt: *Totally blanking out* Ok. I'll join you.

Morgoth: *jumping* Goodie!
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Avoid these like the PLAGUE.
-Diana Wynne Jones
Tough Guide To FantasyLand

...it's not much of a show if somebody doesn't suffer, and preferably at length. Suffering is beautiful in any case, and so is anguish; but as for loathing, and bitterness... I don't think they belong on the stage at all.

- Isabella, I Gelosi
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Old 02-20-2003, 06:05 PM   #333
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OOC: FUR!? Real fur!? Shame on you!

*At Rivendell the good guys are still all gathered around Maggie's bier. They all feel slightly awkward now that Eonwë accidentally killed Good Maggie. Glorfindel is bawling and making a total fool of himself, Elrond can't think of anything better to do that to pat his back. Eonwë is getting drunk to forget his mistake, it isn't helping but only making him feel even worse. It's rather distrubing to see a maia crying like a baby. *

Glorfindel: Maggie! *sobs* It's so unfair!

Elrond: *pats Glorfindel's back* Well, yes. Probably, but there isn't really anything we can do about it, now is there. But I'm sure that Maggie would have told you that life still goes on. If she was still alive that is.

*Glorfindel and Eonwë start wailing again to the despair of Elrond and the others*

Tano: Surely there must be something we can do?

Eärniel: Like what then? I'm out of options.

GG: How about we animate her again?

Tano: Like what, zombify her?

GG: Well then we would have all these zombie alter ego's.....

Tano: Who'll eat out our brains...

GG: I hadn't thought of that. I can't think straight without the squeaky! *starts sobbing too*

*Eärniel and Tano look at the whole bunch of crying and sobbing people and then look at each other.*

Eärniel: We're doomed.

Tano: Yep.
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Old 02-20-2003, 06:06 PM   #334
Willow Oran
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(As Katt consented to join Morgoth the murdered, betrayed and now very depressed spirit of Maggie left Katts brain to retreat to that palce of safety that resides in everyone's conciousness, much to her surprise there was already someone there.)

Maggie: What are you doing here?

Eru: Waiting for you, had a bad day hmm?

Maggie: Yeah, it's been pretty crummy lately. First I was sick, then there was this war, then Eonwe killed me for something that I had sort of done but not really, and then Katt betrayed me because Morgoth offered her a fur coat...

Eru: And now everything that you put in place has come undone and your enemies have in essence, won.

Maggie: Won?! They haven't won yet, I can't just let that happen, you know it!

Eru: You're dead, in case you haven't noticed. There's nothing more you can do.

Maggie: I have to go back.

Eru: You're human, you can't.

Maggie: I'm an elf, I can.

Eru: (raises eyebrow) You seem so sure.

Maggie: I am sure. I have a choice. I choose to go back.

Eru: Are you positive? You won't be able to change your mind this time.

Maggie: (smiles) That remains to be seen sir.

Eru: Indeed. Very well, if you truly wish to go back...

(The scenery, or what there was of it, fades out and Maggie awakes to find herself on a beach.)

OOC: Katt's turn

*A random person with a clipboard suddenly popped up in Imladris*

Clipboard Guy: Ok people, we have ten scenes to shoot today. First scenes, Maggie's reembodyment. I need *check's clipboard and points to Glorfindel* you. Get over to the beach.

Glorfindel: Right *leaves*

Clipboard Guy: Right, ok people, get ready for scene 73. *goes over to random elf* Who designed these costumes?

Random Elf: Elrond did.

Clipboard Guy: No, I think Elrond puked and that puke designed these costumes.

Random Elf: That's not very nice.

Clipboard Guy: I have an idea, why don't you sue me in the world court? Ok people--

*The clipboard guy was suddenly hit over the head with a frying pan weilded by Elrond*

Elrond: What does "sue" mean and how can I do it?

OOC: Maggie's turn again.

(On the beach.)

Maggie, or someone who at least resembles Maggie: Stupid god... had to drop me in reach of the waves...

(She is standing on the beach soaking wet but very much alive. However there is something different looking about her, for one thing she is most definetly an elf now, ptherwise she looks the same, just... more there.)

Glor: (Coming up behind her) I thought you might be here. Who have you come back as.

Magdalena: Me. Come, we have to go take care of Morgoth before he takes over completely-

(she is stopped by a kiss)

Glor: There's still time, it's nice here, we can wait.

Magdalena: (smiles) If you insist.

Glor: I do insist.

(After that, they didn't bother talking.)
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"5. Plain Rings with RUNES on the inside.
Avoid these like the PLAGUE.
-Diana Wynne Jones
Tough Guide To FantasyLand

...it's not much of a show if somebody doesn't suffer, and preferably at length. Suffering is beautiful in any case, and so is anguish; but as for loathing, and bitterness... I don't think they belong on the stage at all.

- Isabella, I Gelosi
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Old 02-20-2003, 06:35 PM   #335
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Just then a wolf was walking along the beach and saw Maggie and Glorfindel. He started running around them in circles.

Maggie: Go away you stupid wolf or I'll make you!

Suddenly the wolf turned into an elf.

Grady: Is that the way to treat your brother?

Maggie: Yes what are you doing here.

Grady: I was on my way to Rivendell and a turtle sold me a ticket.

Maggie: Stupid turtles.

Grady: Yah the ticket was free.

Maggie: Well now that I know who you are I think that I'll be a little meaner than if you were just a wolf!

Grady: Uh Oh I'll be going now.

He turned into a wolf and ran off.

Back in Rivendell

Earniel: We're doomed.

Elrond: Not as doomed as that guy with the clipboard, continues to hit the clipboard guy.

The a wolf came and started running around him in circles.

Elrond: Usually I'm nice to wolves but not this one.

Tries to hit it with frying pan.

Then the wolf changed into Grady.

Grady: AHHHH you're after my tail!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Elrond: No I'm after your life.

Continues to try and hit Grady with frying pan.

Earniel: Oh great Maggie is dead, we're all doomed, and Elrond is trying to hit someone with a frying pan.

Grady: Actually, Maggie got reembodied, and if Elrond would stop trying to hit me with a frying pan I could go annoy Morgoth.

Earniel: Really?

Grady: Yes

Earniel: Really?

Grady: Yes

Earniel: Are you sure?

Grady: YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Earniel: Ok Elrond could you stop trying to hit him with a frying pan?

Elrond: Umm no

Grady: Ok you'll come annoy Morgoth with me.

He turned into a wolf and ran off toward the Lonley Mountain with Elrond running behind him trying to hit him with a frying pan.
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Old 02-20-2003, 07:27 PM   #336
Willow Oran
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OOC: Hi! It's Katt again! Um, this is a lot of plot to deal with in one day. Oh well. SUCK IT UP!

*Back in Morgoth's lair, Katt was looking smashing in her 70's frilly shirt, bell bottom jeans, black kneehigh vinel boots, and blood red fur coat. She admired herself in the mirror and put on some large red sunglasses with rhinestones around the edge*

Katt: Ha ha haum. I rock.

*Suddenly Mirazhi walked into the room.*

Katt: *startled* Mirazhi!

Mirazhi: *scoff* Katt.

Katt: *humble* I have something to say. I'm sorry for all the times I attacked you when we were in school together. But it was for your own good.

Mirazhi: *angry* For my own good? Your actions scared me for life!

Katt: Yes, but without my actions you could never have gotten to where you are today! You were a coward! I stregnthened you. I gave you the skills you needed to survive in this world. You should be thanking me.

Mirazhi: Thanking you for what? This life is horrid! I torture and kill people for a living! I should have killed you. I can, and I will.

Katt: But you didn't. You held back. Now I see what it is that stopped you.

Mirazhi: Yeah, Ninja stopped me before I could kill you.

Katt: *soft and sweetly* No. You could have run at me with that pitchfork a long time before Ninja came in. You held back because you knew without me you wouldn't have survived and you felt a debt twards me.

Mirazhi: The only debt I owe you is your death.

Katt: No. You are just denying. But I want to see if I can make something more of that emotion besides debt.

Mirazhi: *confused* I think I need to talk to my psyciatrist.

Katt: I am your psyciatrist now. I am all you need.

Mirazhi: *Falling under Katt's spell* You are all I need.

Katt: Exactly *Kisses Mirazhi*

Mirazhi: *Breaks the spell* Wait, you are married.

Katt: We have a non-monaugomous relationship.

Mirazhi: Oh, ok. *Kisses Katt cuz he don't need a spell no more*

Morgoth: *entering* I hate to interupt, but arn't you supposed to be doing my bidding?

Katt: *flustered* Uh, yes, sorry.

Morgoth: Aw, how cute. Now run along and do my bidding. There will be time when the war is over.

*Exuent all*

OOC: Yay! How is Rache going to react to this "unexpected" turn? Even more frightening, how is Mirazhi going to react when he finds out what we've been using his charactor for?
__________________
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Avoid these like the PLAGUE.
-Diana Wynne Jones
Tough Guide To FantasyLand

...it's not much of a show if somebody doesn't suffer, and preferably at length. Suffering is beautiful in any case, and so is anguish; but as for loathing, and bitterness... I don't think they belong on the stage at all.

- Isabella, I Gelosi
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Old 02-20-2003, 08:34 PM   #337
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OCC: how did i get to rivendell? Oh well...

in thier greif, while they were morning maggie's 'death', their minds decided to play evil tricks on them and make them believe Goldigollum was there. Why? i dunno. but she was really still on the shore, picking the gunk from her toenails and such.

OCC2: there, that solves it.

GG: *pick-pick-pick* *pause* *pick-pick-pick*...*pick-pick-pick*

It was at this moment that it rained penguins.

GG: *pick-pick-pick*

(half an hour later )

GG: *pause* *pick-pick-pick*

One of the lost and confuzzled penguins meanders vagueley over to where Goldie was.

GG: *pause* *pick-pick-pick*

the Penguin, enthralled by the picking, comes over to get a better view.

*pick-pick-pick* *pause* *pick-pick-pick*

(10 minutes later)

GG: *pick-pick-pick*

Penguin: Mier.

GG: *Pick-pick-?* huh? *she looks up into the questioning eyes of the dazed/confuzzled penguin.

Penguin: Meir? *stares up with big inoscent eyes*

GG: oh, hi, ummmm....

Penguin: *cocks head to side and continues to stare*

GG: *pick......pick* *pause* oh, well, you can come with me if you want, i have to find some people and some stuff...or something

Penguin: *blinks* Mier.

GG gets up and begins to walk along the shore, in the direction leading to where maggie and Glorfindel are. the large-eyed penguin waddles obediently in her wake.

OCC: ELIZA!! I was laughing so hard at the picking...i had to incorporate it into my post... or something...i like those smiley face things
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But WHY...

I am the holder of the squeaky.
*squeaka-squeaka-squeaka*

Last edited by goldiegollum : 02-20-2003 at 08:37 PM.
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Old 02-20-2003, 09:14 PM   #338
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(OOC: It’s Hypothetical Fur. It might have been fur, had it actually existed. But as the case was, Morgoth was incredibly cheap, and it turned out to be Hypothetical Faux Fur.

Katt: Dang it! I betrayed my mistress for this piece of crap?!)

OOC2: Note, it was supposed to be Phillip, not Phil-lip. Typo, and my bad, sorry!

On with the plot!

IC:
Grady ran up the side of the lonely mountain to the side door that Bilbo and the other dwarves had used so many years before. By a staggering coincidence, it was Durin’s Day, so the door was functional. They entered, Elrond savagely beating poor hapless Grady.

Morgoth, Katt and Mirahzi were standing around finalizing what exactly Morgoth’s bidding was, when, in the distance there was a faint sound….

*pong-pong-pong-pong*

Morgoth: That’s it! Between the sporking and squeaking and ponging and poking and picking, I can’t get a moments peace!!!

*Ninja flies in through the ceiling startling Morgoth, Mirahzi and Katt*

Ninja: “I am the bold thunder!”

Katt: Oh would ya stop with the dramatic entrances for a minute? I’ve joined your side. Here’s a cookie.

Ninja: Score! A cookie! *munch munch munch* But anyway, I have to give you a squeaky! *whips out dragon fly hair clip. It is blue veined with white* This is Dave, the equivalent of Nenya, the Ring of Water. I give it to you.

Katt: *taking the squeaky* Ooooohhhhhhh…….

Morgoth: Hey why don’t I get a squeaky?!

Ninja: You do. Here it is! *Gives Morgoth and squeaky that is smaller than Dave and the Master Squeaky* This is Bob. And one for you! *hands Mirahzi a similar squeaky* And that is Bert.

Morgoth: *excited* Ooooh…so we get the three Elvish squeakies to assist us in bent middle earth to our wills???

Ninja: Kind of. Katt gets an Elvish squeaky. You get two of the seven Dwarven squeakies, which binds you to me! The Master of the Squeaky! Wa ha ha ha ha ha!!!!

Morgoth: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Ninja: Wa ha ha ha ha! So evil! *Puts Master Squeaky in her hair* Now, Morgoth, my servant, go to the dead marshes, and await further instructions.

Morgoth: Yes, master….*Trundles out*

Katt: You aren’t going to do anything to Mirahzi, are you? *She steps protectively close to him*

Ninja: No, I wouldn’t dream of it. Dang it, Katt, you are worse than a frickin’ rabbit! *Katt giggles girlishly* And I am not joining your sick sadistic Harem!! *stomps out*
Katt: *hurmps* Like I would invite him anyway!

Mirahzi: *sweeping Katt up into his arms* Forget about him! Let’s get makin’ with the love…. *Exeunt*

*Enter Grady and Elrond, confuzzled and scratching their heads*

Grady: Did you…understand any of that?

Elrond: Not really.

*Ninja goes out onto the battlements and beholds the arrival of the Nine Deaf penguins of Ninja.*

Ninja: YAY! Now all we have to do is wait for NQ to bring us the Valar, and all shall be well.

*Waits*
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Old 02-20-2003, 11:22 PM   #339
Tanoliel
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*twitches*
Wow. Um. I feel incredibly sorry for Mirahzi. I mean, the Kind part of me does. The rest of me is laughing too hard to think straight....Katt, how many people are currently IN your Sadistic Harem of Loving Doom?

IC:
Tano: Um...*looks around* Where did everyone GO?
Earniel: Well, Elrond chased some wolf with a frying pan, and Glorfindel disappeared to some beach. Eonwe is still drinking.
Tano: A-ha. *walks over to Eonwe and grabs the bottle of...whatever it is* Shame, shame!
Eonwe: Huh?
Tano: Shame on your for drinking this stuff. What IS it, by the by?
Eonwe: Wine...I think...er...
Tano: You elves don't know how to get drunk properly! Water is the way to go.
Earniel: Water? Um, Tano--
Tano: Yes, water. *blinks* Or does that only work for me? Nevermind. I'll teach you how to get properly drunk later. For now, we are going to go find everyone. Especially the now alive Maggie. I don't care what she's doing with Glorfy, we need to get going again. Forth the three...er...people.
*Tano marches off, still carrying the bottle of wine. Eonwe and Earniel look at each other, shrug, and follow.*

ooc: Does anyone know a good slang word for drunk? I keep thinking of the word schnozzled, but I don't think that's it...and anyway, "getting schnozzled" sounds just a little bit...wrong...
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Old 02-21-2003, 01:04 PM   #340
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Meanwhile, Goldiegollum and the penguin have almost reached the newly re-embodied maggie and Glorfindel without even knowing it.

Maggie hears them before she sees them. First, she hears some faint singing, which increaces in loudness and annoyingness as it draws near. However, she and Glorfindel are to 'buysy' to pay attention until it is quite near and they can hear the words clearly,

GG: *singing to a tune she made up*-They also keep a horned cow as proud as any queen, but music turns her head like ale and makes her wave her tufted tail and dance upon the green!
And oh the rows of silver dishes and the store of silver spoons,
for sunday there's a special pair, and these they polish up with care on saturday afternoons (and so on and so forth)

Glorfindel: what's that?

Maggie: Oh, that would be Goldie,

Glorfindel: whasn't that the one who had that squeaky and ....

Maggie: yes, that would be her.

*they resume*

GG: *coming into view* Hey, look it's maggie *breaks into a run towards maggie, continuing to sing manicly*

Penguin: *increaces pace of waddle to keep up with Goldie*

Glorfindel: can we shut it up?

About now the Tano & co arrive on the scene, and Maggie and Glorfindel find themselvs surrounded by Glodie, Tano, Earniel Eonwe, and a dazed looking penguin with large staring eyes.

Penguin: Meir?

Maggie: i'm afraid we'll have to come back into the plotline now and leave off...
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But WHY...

I am the holder of the squeaky.
*squeaka-squeaka-squeaka*
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