War For All Of Middle Earth™!

[Willow Oran]

(In Evil Maggie's hideout, Her Office)

Glorfindel: (turns to Maggie and crosses his arms) Very well, you wanted me here you got me. Now what's this all about?

E. Maggie: What? I didn't give orders for them to bring you here.

Glor: Really? Your minions seemed to think differently.

E. Maggie: Really. I don't know where they got the idea that they were to bring you here. I'm quite sure I told them to leave you out of the conflict. I haven't forgotten our marriage agreement if that's what you're thinking.

Glor: I admit it had ocurred to me. But my question still goes un-answered. What is this about?

E. Maggie: I just... I was bored in there. I'm the evil side I need to be out doing evil, surely you understand that?

Glor: (sighs) Yes, I understand, but I'd still rather you didn't feel that way. I mean, look at it from my point of view. I'm already in trouble for marrying someone who is, apparently, human-

E. Maggie: That's entirely debateable and you know it. Even I'm not sure if I'm human or not.

Glor: True, but now you've split and you're doing unspeakable evils and making trouble for my people while at the same time you're trying to stop the problem and I married to both of you which brings my alligence to the elves into question. This whole thing is incredibly selfish of you.

E. Maggie: Yes, selfish of me. My opposite is not to blame for this. I am, because I the evil one. You can't blame her for any of this.

(they sit in silence for a bit until from outside the door...)

Earniel: Jynx! Bad kitty! Put him down!

Glor: What the-

(he opens the door and Jynx rushes in carrying something looking sort of like an albino mouse but not quite in his mouth. He jumps up on the desk and drops into in front of Maggie, who upon seeing it close up realizes that it is actually a very banged up and traumatized Celeborn.)

E. Maggie: (looks from Glorfindel to Earniel to Jynx and finally back to Celeborn) That's it, Glorfindel dear you know the way out. Take these two back to Imladris, It'll be better for everyone if you two are there and I think Celeborn is too traumatized for even me to consider keeping a prisoner any longer. Now shoo! Before I change my mind and feed you all to Jynx!

(The three of them do not wait for her to do this and hightail it out of there.)

E. Maggie: (sighs and shakes her head) I better go make sure Katt and her helper didn't screw anything else up.

(as she goes out the door she trips over human who had finally decided that the cat was gone and it was safe to come out of the corner she had been hiding in.)

Human: Oof!

E. Maggie: KAAATT!!!!

[Masderanoe]

Grady looks at his alter-egos furiously.

Grady: Grr I knew this would happen!

He swings his staff and all the alter-egos are gone, except Elbin, and he looks a little stronger than before.

Grady: Elbin I want you to go to your sister and convince her to go back to the dimension you came from.

Elbin: Ok

He snaps his fingers and appears right outside Rivendell.

Grady: Now it's my turn, I'm going on a little errand it won't take long.

With that he turned around and dissapeared.

[Human#3.141592653]

Glodie, I have some bad news…I am the stealer of the squeaky!
*sneak sneak* *squeaka-squeaka-squeaka* *titters*


After tripping Maggie, the thoroughly confused and to to sure what was going on did what he did best. Yell and run around in circles.

Human: I shall save us! *Human slowly pulls a small, sparkly object form her pocket. It is a sliver and pink dragon fly hair clip…the squeaky!* Wa ha ha ha ha! *Human holds the squeaky high above her head and with a loud boom, once more becomes a Ninja!*

Jynx flees, knocking over random vases and lamps along the way. In the momentary distraction, Ninja picks up and cowering weeping Celeborn and escapes through a crack in the wall. They run for several feet, before taking refuge in a potted plant. (NO! Not that kind of plant!)

Ninja: *panting* So…Celeborn is it?

Celeborn: *also very confused, bot none the less glad to be away form the cat* Yes. I can not thank you enough for saving me! I know that you are trying to take over the world and all that, but I owe you a life debt.

Ninja: Actually, I’m not sure what the heck is going on any more. I don’t even know where I am at the moment. But I’m no longer trying to take over the world. I’m just trying to stop Evil Maggie from doing some “Unspeakable evil.” That no one will tell me about!

Celeborn: Well...you did say that is was unspeakable.

Ninja: Now don't you start with the sophistry!

Celeborn: Well...anything you want, just ask it of me.

Ninja: Well….there were a few things that I wanted to know about Morgoth…

Later in Rache’s room…

Rache is crying frustrated tears and mumbling to her self.

Rache: But I don’t want her to get married! I want things to be just like they were, it was just her and me, and all of our aunts, Maggie, and Tano, and Roya, and Uncle Human…He’s my dad…but I don’t even know him! *sobs*

*Some where out side her window…a melodious voice begins to croon*

Voice: Come little children,
I’ll take thee away.
Into my garden
Of Enchantment.
Come little children,
The time’s come to play,
Here in my garden
Of Magic….

*enchanted, Rache follows a tiny black clad figure into the night…*

The next morning, Katt awakes to find a notes on her pillow:

“We have the preciousssss, yessss, it hassss been return to ussss, and we have taken the tricksssy little one, yessss, tricked the trickssssy we one we did, made a deal we did. Ssssssecret deal, by shadow and ssssstar light we did, yessssss. Do you want the precious? Yes? Then come to usssss! Leave the husband and Mistresssss behind if you want her. Don’t tell them, and you might get her back….ssssss…..
…….
…….
…….
…….
…….
…….
Ssssssssss…….”

[Masderanoe]

Spikelegs: Battle happy battle things go boom yay! When Grady comes back we're going to have a battle YAAAAAAAAAAAAY!

Just then Grady appears in front of them holding a gold ring in his hand.

Grady: I have the one ring now mua hahaha.

Tingleclaw: Ooooh shiny.

Grady: Prepare our army we are going to destroy evil maggie.

The army started marching to E. Maggies hide out with Tingleclaw and Spikelegs in the front. Grady was watching his army march out from the great tower that had been built in Mirkwood. He saw the orcs and spiders go over a hill beyond the trees of Mirkwood and everything from the tower to that hill was now crawling with orcs and spiders. He climbed down the stairs and onto a great black beast which looked like a cross between a dragon and a bear. Then he followed the rest of the army through the gates of Mirkwood.

[Willow Oran]

E. Maggie: (Watches Grady through the Mirror, she is Grinning.) Stupid brothers, He does know that he'll have to do way better than that to defeat me, doesn't he?

(Goes out to meet the army)

Hello there brother mine. You do realize that the ring you have is a replica set out for thieves don't you? Oh you didn't? Too bad. Your armies are really starting to annoy me so I think I'll just get rid of them now.

(She lifts up the real One Ring, which she still has, and the earth beneath the army starts to crack. The crack grows wider and wider until it has swallowed up Grady's entire army. Then as suddenly as it began it snaps shuts and Grady is left standing alone.)

E. Maggie: (Grins wider) Now, why don't you come in and we'll settle this in a more civilized manner.

[Masderanoe]

E. Maggie: Now what's all this with giant armies and stealing rings you know that.

Grady: Well I'm not really Grady. In fact I've never been the real Grady. I'm more of a weaker version of Grady. You see we split and the evil parts of grady came with me. The evil sides are the weaker ones. A few of the evil sides stayed with Grady, but all of the good ones stayed with him. He's been ruling an elvin empire north of middle earth. He told me to attack you so that you wouldn't find him on his way to Valinor.

E. Maggie: Oh really?

Fake Grady: Yes and by the way the Valar are coming for you.

[Willow Oran]

E. Maggie: That's nice.

Grady: That's nice? The gods are coming after you and all you have to say about is That's nice!?!!!!

E. Maggie: You have an astounding talent for stating the obvious oh weaker part of my brother. You see. I don't care if they come for me. They can't do anything to me.

Grady: Oh? And why not?

E. Maggie: Because, I'm part of Middle Earth by my marriage to Glorfindel, and because I haven't actually done anything wrong. All I've really done is make everybody very annoyed, the sort of things that people will look back on and laugh at later.

Grady: But you have the One Ring.

E. Maggie: So? I only used it for self defense against you, another evil person bent on world domination. Something which I am not bent on. I'm just having a bit of fun. And besides, they won't want to hurt Good Maggie and if they kill me she'll die as well.

Grady: (very frustrated) Then what's the point of all this?????

E. Maggie: (Grins) There is no point.

[Tanoliel]

Just then, a rip in the space-time continuum opened up.
Tano, who was sitting in a tree with Goldiegollum, poking her head through windows, heard something floating through the air.
"There is no point," said a very evil voice.
Tano fell out of the tree, narrowly missing falling through said rip in the space-time continuum before she hit the ground with a loud thump.
GG: Hey....what happened?
Tano: There's an existentialist in Middle Earth....we're all doomed!


ooc: Har....sorry. Too much fun to pass up.

[Human#3.141592653]

*Looks guiltly*

...sorry.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: This is getting way too out of hand

OOC2: But anyway...

*Katt prepared to leave to meet Human.*

*By the way, after Human had got information from Celeborn she returned him to Imladris.*

*As Katt snuck out of bed, Glordifle woke up.*

Glordifle: *yawn* Where are you going?

Katt: To my most certian doom.

Glordifle: That's nice. Um, since we're married, do I get all your stuff?

Katt: Yes. Including Rache.

Glordifle: Sheit.

Katt: Actually, I'm sending her to live with her aunts.

Glordifle: That's a relife. *Falls back asleep*

Katt: Arg! *Storms off muttering* Men these days...

*Katt went into the back storeroom to look for something. She got out a pen and paper and wrote:*

Dear Maggie-

I am dreadfully sorry, but I have to leave you, for Rache's sake. Human has
kidnapped her and I have to get her back. Roya can help you with stage two.
The only trick to getting along with her is not to order her. Just ask and ye
shall recive. Nothing in Middle Earth, besides a friend in danger, could tear me
away from your side. Think of me what you will, but I have to do this.

Your Devoted Servent,
Katt

*Katt tore the piece of paper off the pad and then noticed that under it there was a note from Human. It read:*

Katt-
Good. You have written your farewells. This is a sign of trust. I may now give
you further instructions. Meet me in the split that was made in Middle Earth
by the appearence of an exsalstencialist. There, by the light of the Flickering Walrus, you shall recive your daughter. hee hee hee...
Human

*Katt was surprized that Human knew what she was doing, but then she thought that she was stupid to be surprized at Human. Katt ripped off Humans note and stuck it in her pocket. She put her note folded up in Maggie's slot and listened to the letter magically get beamed to Maggie's office. Katt then walked over to a shelf and scaned the water bottles till she found the one she wanted.*

Katt: I am sorry for the inconvieniance done to you Galadriel, but I must keep you here a little longer.

Galadriel: You shall be DREADFULLY sorry when you let me out.

Katt: I don't doubt that, but I am not fearing YOUR wrath.

*Katt tucked the bottle inside her robes and went to seek the Split of the Exastentialist.*

OOC: 2360 charactors in this post.

[goldiegollum]

Tano: there's an existentialist in Middle Earth...we're all doomed
GG: oh...*wonders what an existentialist is* er...ok

suddenly, GG notices that something is terribly wrong. When she checks the back of her hair, her worst fears are confermed. The squeaky is gone.

GG: Ach, NoooOOOOOOOO!
Tano: I know, we're all doomed.
GG: My squeaky is goneee!! lost. LOST! ahhhhhhh!!!!
Tano: not again.
GG: She must have stole it...she always wants it, must find It...it's with human, she stole it from us !!!! SqueEEEEEEKYYYYYYYYYYYY! *she goes into gollum mode, and runs off towards human (her senses have become hypersensatively atuned to the whereabouts of the squeaky)*

Then good maggie walks by Tano

G. Maggie: Have you seen Glorfindel?
Tano. No, but Goldie just ran off looking for the squeaky again, and more importantly i just discovered through a rip in the space-time continum that... there is an existentialist in Middle Earth...we're all domed.
G. Maggie: Ah, I see.
Tano: that's good 'cuz i don't.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

*It is at about this time that Glorfindle, Eärniel, and the tiny Celeborn come strolling into Rivendel.*

Tano: While this is a shock, especially about Celeborn, and I am very curious about it, I am following Goldie. Sorry, but she needs me.

*Tano then pulls out the tracking device she attached to Goldie, looks at it, rolls her eyes and heads off.*

G. Maggie: What happened?

Celeborn: That b**** Katt! She sent Roya after us and shrunk us down then stuffed us in water bottles!

Random Elves: *More shocked by the language than the fact* Oh my God!

G. Maggie: Who is us?

Celeborn: The Lady Galadriel and I. Lady Galadriel is still there. That's not all. I got saved from a cat by a ninja who asked a lot of questions about Morgoth.

Everyone who knows Human and his Ninja Mode: Oh Bugger All.

Eärniel: Did I miss something?

OOC: It's weird writing Human as a guy.

[Tanoliel]

Tano, following the tracking device, finally catches up with Goldie and grabs the back of her collar.
Tano: Whoa, whoa....wait for me.
GG: SQUEAAAAAKYYYYYY!


ooc: Human's a guy? Wait. Eliza? Did you get a sex change, or is there something you didn't tell me?

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: She's playing human as a guy. Fukin' weird.

OOC2: Speaking of which, I got a candy heart that said "FAX ME" on it, but it was mutated so it looked like it said "FUK ME". Weird.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Ok, it's time for another confrentation.

*The Split of the Excastentialist was inside a dark cave like thing. There was indeed a flickering walrus floating near the celing. Katt pulled out the water bottle with Galadriel in it. Soon Galadriel was out, back to her normal size, and preparing to show Katt her wrath.*

Galadriel: How dare you imprision me!

Katt: I am sorry Lady Galadriel. However, there are things here more dangerous than you.

Galadriel: I can feel it. The evil one approaches.

*Even as Galadriel spoke, Human came walking out of the shadows.*

Katt: Where is she?

Human: Nearby. *Gestures to the celing* I see you brought company. Oh no, no more mirrors! *Goes off muttering* Stupid mirrors, stupid riddles, stupid evil maggie sending messengers in stupid water bottles. Stupid STUPID!

Katt: Oy wait! Where's Rache!

Galadriel: I have definetly missed something.

GoldieGollum: Squeeeekyieeeeeeeeee!!

Tano: Look out!

*Suddenly out of the darkness came Goldie screaching with Tano dragging behind on a leash.*

Goldie: Squeeakie!! *jumps on Human* Aaieeeeeeeee!

*In the ensuing fight, Human was knocked out, Goldie got the squeaky back, Katt found Rache passed out in a corner, and Galadriel and Tano got caught up reading the script.*

Tano: Oh dear, I'm so sorry your husband got mauled by Maggie's cat.

Galadriel: What?!? We spend three ages avoiding every dark lord and army in existance and he gets mauled by a blasted feline?!?

*Galadriel has a nervous breakdown.*


OOC: Feking school! Will finish later

[Human#3.141592653]

But Human was only faking getting knocked out in order to rise again like the undead corpse while making disturbing gurgling noises! (Because it amused her to do so.)

Human: *Rising and gurgling* MORGOTH! *Flings hands up into the air* COME TO MY AID!!! *Morgoth appears* Now I need you to take care of Katt and put Galadriel back in the water bottle.

Morgoth: Alright, fine. But what will you be doing?

Human glances brutally across the room at Goldie and Tano.

Tano: *Very frightened and innocent looking* Meeble?

Glodie stares wide eyed at human. Slowly, she opens and closes the pink and silver dragon fly hair clip, producing the unmistakable *squeaka.* Human flies into a frenzy and Tano and Goldie rush out of the cavern hotly pressed by Human. Giggling, slobbering proclamations of “MINE!! WE WANTS IT!” and *squeaka-squeaka-squeaka* can be heard slow dimensioning down the halls.

Galadriel: Morgoth! Though we have always been enemies, I would have thought that you would have joined our side, to preserve Middle Earth as it is, with out all these alter egos, evil twins and armies of strange and unusual creatures! What brought you onto the side of madness?

Morgoth: Now don’t you fuss at me! You know that I’ve always had a fondness for pink sparkly fishnets…and he just so happened to have some and…

Galadriel: Oh Morgoth…you sold out for fishnets?!

Morgoth: *Shifts weight to one hip and snaps fingers* Well, at least I wasn’t trapped in a water bottle, m’kay hon? *Morgoth snaps his fingers once more, and Galadriel vanishes, the only three left are Katt and him and Rache*

Rache: Can I go home now?

Morgoth: Yes, but your mother comes with me!

[Human#3.141592653]

Back in Morgoth's lair, deep with in Human’s base of operations in the Lonely mountain, Morgoth was setting up the old torture chamber...

Morgoth: It's so good to be back in here!

Voice from the back of the room: Getting into your old ticker toys again?

Morgoth: Mirahzi!

*Mirahzi comes striding into the room in a robe of purple and pink, stocking hat flopped to one side*

Mirahzi: Really Morgoth, you’ve hit an all time low, hooking up with Human and that bunch…But I’m far hansom dashing and intelligent for that. I’m outta here!

And so Mirahzi strode out onto a war ravaged Middle earth, and the only way that he could save himself from the certain doom that faced him was to post it not happening in the tread in the first place…

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

*Actually he was still in the dungion. He just wanted to make an interesting appearence by storming out.*

Mirahzi: *comming back in* So Morgoth, you're back. That is quite a surprize.

Morgoth: *Smiling* I am sure glad that you are still here. Come on, help me set this place right. You can take your old job back.

Mirahzi: Oh no, I've become a pasivist. Where have you been all this time.

Morgoth: Hell.

Mirahzi: Oh. It must be nice to go on vacation and get some time to yourself.

Morgoth: *Ignoring stupid comment* Hmn. *Opens locked drawer* Ah! Yes!

Mirahzi: *Puzzled* Why are you getting the good stuff out? This must be someone really important.

Morgoth: She is Katt, Chief Servant to Evil Maggie, and friend to many of my enemies. If she joins me, Middle Earth will fall.

Mirahzi: I didn't understand a word of that.

Morgoth: *pulls out the large and ever growing script* Here, get caught up on what is happening in Middle Earth. *Hands Mirahzi the script*

Mirahzi: Oof! Right. Oh, and who do I apply for a new job to?

Morgoth: Human. He will be here shortly, after he finishes chacing Goldie.

Mirahzi: *Muttering* More stupid charactors that I know nothing about. *Realizing something* Oy, where's Sauron?

Morgoth: Um, *embarrassed* Long story.

Mirahzi: Let me guess, read the script.

Morgoth: Right.

Mirahzi: *sigh* Okay. *leaves*

Morgoth: *Shouting like a mother after Mirahzi* And I would apreceate some help torturing Katt when you are finished! *turns back to table*

OOC: I think I had a dream like this.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: The war is now 132 pages in Microsoft word. Veranda, 9 pt (mostly)

[Willow Oran]

(Galadriel is on the far west shore of Middle Earth meeting the Valar who have been unfortunately drawn into this whole buisness by my annoying brother Grady. Their ship is large and majestic and as it draws nearer to shore you can see many large, majestic figures on it. These are the valar, they step off the ship and stand before a rather annoyed Galadriel.)

Manwe: We have come.

(It looks as though they are about to go into a huge long formal speech giving contest thing when suddenly there comes a long, loud wail from the side of a small hill, the wailing continues as Tano, Human, and Good Maggie come into view with a very distraught Goldiegollum on a rope.)

Goldie: The precious!!!!!!!!!! We wants the precious! We needs the precious but they tooks it from us they did. The nasty... things tooks it and put us on this nasssty ropes and it burnss us!!!!!!!!!!!!

(At this Galadriel rolls her eyes and looks resigned while the Valar look shocked and bemused at this new and very odd development.)

Ninja: Well, I can't let you have it back. It is the source of all my power!!!

Aule: Are they talking about the...the ring??

Galadriel: No.

Ninja: *Holds up the squeaky high above her head* Sqqquuuueaaaaaaakkkkkkyyyyy....*squeaka-squeaka-squeaka*

Manwe: Is this what the second born have come to?

Tano:Well, that depends on your definition of second born... If you mean humans then yes, Ninja is Human, Me, I'm a Hobbit and I think Goldie was a hobbit so we're probably second born. As for Maggie, we think she might possibly be human but if she is she's in trouble cause she's married to an elf but it might be okay cause we really aren't sure if she is human, she might be an elf instead although her parents were humans so that's doubtful
but -

Manwe: That doesn't matter, which one of you is trying to take over the world.

Tano: Well it does matter, she's the one trying to take over the world, but she technically hasn't done anything. Well, she hasn't. But the other one hasn't either. So if she doesn't do anything, but she does try to take over the wolrd, you still can't do anything. Unless she does. Which she won't. But she's trying. But she hasn't done anything. And neither has she.

G. Maggie: Tano, shut up before you confuse them further. Here let me explain. What Tano was trying to say is that my evil alter ego is trying take over the world and I am trying to stop her from doing so. However, it's alright because she's a pacifist even though she's evil so she hasn't actually done any permanet damage to anyone. In fact all she's really done is annoy people a whole lot, so there isn't really anything you could charge her with. And you can't charge me because I'm the good one.

(there is a stunned silence from the valar, meanwhile Galadriel just sighs and plops down head in hands.)

Mandos: Riiight... so what was that she was saying about your race?

G. Maggie: Oh that, she was trying to explain that I'm possibly human but I'm also possibly an elf and we aren't really sure because we all come from Middle Earth's future where all the races are mixed together and we really hope that we're right about me possibly being an elf because I married Glorfindel.

Tano: And on top of that, there are all these alter egos running around. And On top of that, there are all these characters of various racial backgrounds, and sometimes they have a big fiesta inside her brains, so we're not really sure what she is.

*Mandos looks irratated.*

Goldie: *Spies suspicious looking dragon fly hair clip Varda's long flowing hair.* *whispers* preciousssssss......

*Goldie leaps upon the vala* YYYAAAAAAAARRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!