What would you do? heh heh heh . . .

[Feraway Hawkbriar]

Muchos gracias senior Wayfarer. For you I have cookies *showers wayfarer with oreos* ^_^

[Wayfarer]

Thank you very much!

But see... I did cut rogue elf off. Edits are nice, eh guys?

[Rána Eressëa]

(The Company, including their new addition of Christina Ricci, escape from the tunnel and all dust themselves off as Feraway Hawkbriar looks on.)

Feraway: Well?
The Company: Well what?
Feraway: Well, what about the gracious and squealing praise?! I just saved your lives!
Gerbil: Me too!
Galadriel: So did Wayfarer . . . but you don't see him complaining.
Aldesign: [sighs] Someone is always saving the day, and someone always wants praise -- why isn't the self-knowledge that you actually did something ever enough to feel good about yourself?
Liv: Oh, Aldesign, I love it when you talk so . . . so . . . so smart and intelligent! Kiss me!
Aldesign: Excuse me-- [grabs Liv and romantically kisses her]
Rogue Elf: Heeeeyyy . . . where's Elijah?

(Everyone grows quiet and slowly looks around. Evilijah is missing!)

FrodoFriend: Nah dip, Sherlock, where's your squad car?

(You shut up and let me tell the story the way I want to!)

FrodoFriend: Oooh . . . I'm shaking in my boots.
Rogue Elf: But you're not wearing any boots . . .
FrodoFriend: [glares evilly at Rogue Elf]

(Everyone gasps! and backs away from FrodoFriend.)

Feraway: Something doesn't seem quite right here . . .
FrodoFriend: [laughs EVILLY]

(Everyone SCREAMS!)

Sam: [blinks] I didn't here anything . . .

(Dear Mother of Eru . . . )

Jerseydevil: [points at FrodoFriend] It's Dr. Evilijah!!!

(*sarcastically* Oh, wow. I never saw that coming. Dear me.)

Gerbil: Huh? What? This is beginning to get really messed up--
Christina: This already was messed up!
Churl: Truer words has never been spoken, our new companion!
Aldesign: You know . . . if that's Dr. Evilijah . . . why does he look like FrodoFriend?
Jerseydevil: [gasps!] I have it! It is the prophecy! Has no one heard of the Evil that lurked in forest of the woodlands know as Mirkwood?! It is he!!! Elijah Wood!!! The EVIL FROM THE WOOD!!!

(Everyone GASPS!)

Fake FrodoFriend: Yep. That's me: good ol' Evil Sauron from Dol Guldur. Now, is anyone going to ask me why I look like FrodoFriend or not?
Rogue Elf: Why do you look like FrodoFriend?
Fake FrodoFriend: [laughs EVILLY] I have kidnapped her and taken her form in order to trick and deceive you! Now I shall follow you as FrodoFriend and you will not realize till I run off that I am SAURON!!! EVIL FROM THE WOOD!!! [laughs EVILLY some more]
Rogue Elf: [blinks] Okay. Let's go.
Frodo #3: I wonder where we're going . . . [takes Rogue Elf's hand in his]
Sam: To look for Dr. Evilijah. Duh.
Frodo #2: And maybe buy some of that Honey Nut Roasted Crunch cereal . . . [takes Sam's hand in his]

(Fake FrodoFriend stares at everyone dumbfounded.)

Fake FrodoFriend: But I am SAURON!!! EVIL FROM THE WOOD!!!
Frodo #1: Yeah, sure. Whatever you say, my precious one . . .

(Frodo #1 is about to take Fake FrodoFriend's hand in his when Fake FrodoFriend smacks him and stalks off. Aldesign takes Liv's hand, Hugo *twitches* and takes Galadriel's hand, Gerbil takes Christina's hand, and all that remain are Frodo #1, Feraway, Martha, Churl, & Tesseract.)

Churl: [looks at his last 4 choices; seems to already know his desicion] Tesseract, my lad, it would be an honor to take you by the hand as a guide through the dark.
Tesseract: AI! AI! Not back into that!
Churl: [glares sternly at Tesseract]
Tesseract: [blinks] Oh. Oh, right.

(Churl takes Tesseract's hand in his. Frodo #1, Feraway, and Martha stare at each other.)

Feraway: Come on, you two, let's all three hold hands.

(Martha, Frodo #1, & Feraway all grab each other's hands and they go back into the dark tunnel . . . )

[Rána Eressëa]

*lifts eyebrows* . . . This hasn't gone over being PG-13. Anyways, I was watching rated R movies when I was eight, so to me, this story is like "PG".

And, yes, Feraway, Wayfarer did cut me off, so I rewrote it and took him out because it didn't sound right. It's fixed now, though, so no biggie. Just next time if someone says, "I'm working on it" . . . just let 'em finish it.

By the way, exactly how old are you, Sam? I thought you were at least 13 or 14.

*sighs*

There's a fine line between Genius and Insanity, my dear Sam, and you are confusing them terribly I think it's just your "naivete", so to speak, considering how old you might be -- you still have much to learn about the world. It's not all peaches and cream, let me tell ya, and believe me -- I would know.

[FrodoFriend]

AAAAHHH! Why isn't my Frodo#1 coming to save me???? We'll soon fix that!!

Anyway... Here's another Balrog scene for you, frodofriend. Audio only, but I hope you enjoyed it.

Yes, that's quite satisfactory. Almost as good as the original one.

Ahem . . . NOBODY WRITE!!

[Rána Eressëa]

He is, as a matter of fact, we all are. We're going back into the Mall to capture Evilijah and save you! But see we won't "know" Fake FrodoFriend is Evilijah until he runs away and deserts us. Then we run after him. Butta-bing, butta-boom.

[FrodoFriend]

(Ahem! First of all, Frodo#1 is not holding anyone's hands, least of all Martha's!)

Frodo#1 lets go of Feraway and Martha's hands.

(Second of all, he's coming to save me right now!)

Frodo#1 runs off after Evilijah of the Wood. He follows the now-revealed-in-all-his-evil-glory Dark Lord through many twisting and turning underground passages. Evilijah, with the charactersitic blind-, dumb-, and deafness of evil people, doesn't notice. Finally, Frodo#1 slips behind Evilijah into what appears to be his bedrooom. Evilijah sighs evilly and throws himself on his tie-dye, four-post, curtained waterbed. There is a mirror on the top of the bed and various lava lamps and disco balls are hanging around the room. Romantic elevator music is playing.

EW: *sighs evilly* It's not easy being meeeaann . . . *looks up at the ceiling. Among the disco balls, FrodoFriend is hanging upside down, wrapped partly in a giant spiderweb, dressed in an evil-looking silver catsuit. EW grins and turns on his electronic masseuse*
Frodo#1: *hidden behind huge fluffy armchair, gasps* It's . . . it's . . . by Playboy?
FF: Let me go! I want my Frodo! I haven't made out with him in a whole half hour!
EW: Mwahahaha . . . and you never shall!
FF: I can't believe I actually liked you!
EW: Ha ha ha!! Well, I am incredibly handsome, after all. *admires himself in mirror* Remember the little picture you drew on your Magnadoodle?
FF: No.
EW: Go on, deny it!!
FF: No, really, I don't. All the blood rushing into my head is making it extremely hard to think. Would you mind letting me down?
EW: No, your bright red face is making me laugh. *laughs* And now all I have to do is wait . . . for you see, my dear little FrodoFriend, you are the bait! *his eyes widen* Wow! I'm a poet and didn't know it!
FF: Your plan will fail, evil man! My friends will kill you, so run while you can!
EW: *throws shoe at FF* SHUT UP! You're rhyming is worse than incompetent miming!
FF: Huh? *looks stupefied*
Frodo#1: Nooo!! You will never treat her so! I may be small and eat more than one brunch, but that doesn't mean I can't throw a punch! *jumps up and tries to attack EW but steps into a trap and ends up hanging next to FF*
FF: Frodo! My Frodo!
Frodo#1: Dearest FrodoFriend!
EW: Yes, yes, rejoice now! Soon I will have you all, and I will add you to my collection!
FF: What?
EW: Yes, that's right! I shall dress the Messageboardship in flare pants and sequined tops and you shall dance . . . dance!! And you, FrodoFriend and your annoying but cute little pals, Rogue Elf and Samwise, shall be my personal SLAAAVVEEESSS!!!
FF: Never!
EW: Oh, come on. Sure, you're on duty all the time, but it's good pay and you're provided with an excellent dental plan.
FF: I said "Never!"
EW: Fine, have it your way! *throws other shoe at FF. It hits her on the head* You shall be my personal SLAAAVVEEESSS!! And as for your your little Frodos, your clones of me . . . well, I will give them to my pets . . . a few little acquaintances of mine whom I like to call . . . Britney, Jessica, and Mandy!
Frodo#1: NOOOOOOOO!!!
FF: NOOOOOOOO!!!


Meanwhile, the Messageboardship has finally noticed the obvious.

RE: Hey . . . Evilijah has run away and deserted us!
JD: My God! He must be . . . the EVIL OF THE WOOD!
Sam: Evil from the wood!
JD: My mistake. He must be . . . the EVIL FROM THE WOOD!
All: *gasp*
AL: How could I have been so blind? *slaps his forehead*
Liv: *sighs* I love it when you're modest! *kisses AL*
TS: AI! AI! The Messageboardship is breaking up! We have lost Wayfarer to that Balrog, and now FrodoFriend and Frodo#1 are gone as well!
CH: I think this calls for some . . . Dwaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrviiishh ale!
AL: No it doesn't.
Frodo#3: Rogue! Great danger may come upon us . . . but I will protect you, and we will never be separated!
RE: *sighs* You are soooo dreamy . . . *leans over to kiss Frodo#3*
JD: HEY! Stop that!
AL: Yeah, we have to go kill FrodoFriend and save Evilijah.
Sam: Don't you mean kill Evilijah and save FrodoFriend?
AL: Uh . . . sure. Of course, that's, um, exactly what I meant to say . . . *laughs nervously*
Liv: I wish I could laugh nervously just like you! *sighs*
AL: Oh, your heartfelt sighing is just dandy, really.
CH: Well, what are we waiting for? LET'S GOOOOO!!!
TS: Back to the tunnel!

The Messageboardship runs into the wall.

TS: AI! You fools! I said the tunnel!

The Messageboardship runs into the tunnel.

CH: How are we going to find Evilijah's secret lair?
Sam: That might help. *points to a sign that says TO EVILIJAH OF THE WOOD'S SECRET LAIR, WHERE HE KEEPS ALL HIS CAPTIVES AND IS EASILY AMBUSHABLE. FOLLOW NEON FLASHING ARROWS TO DOOR LABELED "EVILIJAH'S LAIR"*
TS: To the lair!

The Messageboardship runs into a county fair.

TS: I said the lair!

The Messageboardship follows the neon flashing arrows leading to lair. They stop outside the door.

JD: This is it!
AL: *raises Nostril, his sword* I shall lead the charge! Forward, men, women, hobbits, and halfwits!
CH: What about dwarves?
TS: And elves?
AL: *lowers sword* Well, you see, I was reading this thread on Entmoot the other day, and people were saying that Dwarves, Elves, and Men are all actually the same species, since they can interbreed. It's quite fascinating, actually. You see, we all belong to the phylum mammalia, and the group primate, and . . .
CH: So you just lumped us all into the 'Men' category? Dude, that's discrimination, man!
TS: Yeah, bro! We want our rights! You don't want no trouble with us homies heah!
AL: Please, good sirs, I meant no disrespect.
TS: Well, maybe you should think before you start spouting racist statements!
CH: Yeah! What do you think this is, the '50s? This is the age of equality, man!
RE: *furtively sneaks closer to Frodo#3*
JD: LET'S GET ON WITH IT ALREADY! *graps RE by the ear*
AL: *raises sword again* All right . . . CHARGE!

The Messageboardship charges through the door and are immediately caught in traps similar to the one that got Frodo#1. Soon they are all hanging from the ceiling.

EW: MWAHAHAHAHA!! You fools! I knew you'd fall for it!! MWAHAHAHA!! *laughs evilly some more, but I'm tired of writing "mwahahaha"*
JD: You villain!
EW: And now . . . Rogue Elf, Samwise, and FrodoFriend shall become my SLAAAVVEEESSS!! *looks at FrodoFriend and Frodo#1, who are making out while hanging upside down* Hey! *takes pole and pokes them* That's the fifth time today!
Feraway: Let us go! Your evil plans will never succeed!
EW: *smiles slyly and evilly* It looks as if they already have . . . *snaps fingers*

From a hidden door, Brittany, Jessica, and Mandy appear. Evilijah presses a button and the three Frodos fall to the floor.

EW: Pick whichever one you want, my pets!
Brittany: Oh, look, they're so, like, cute and whatever!
Mandy: I bet they're, like, totally sweet like candy too!
Jessica: I totally love them, like, already!
RE, FF & Sam: NOOOOOO!! FRODO!!
Mandy: Looks like someone got told!
Brit & Jess: Oooooh! *giggle* You're sooo, like smart and all, Mandy!
Mandy: Thanks, chicas! You're both, like, SO totally my BFs!
EW: *smirking* Heh heh heh . . . have fun, girls! *turns to FF, RE & Sam* And you will now serve me!!!

FrodoFriend, Rogue Elf, and Sam drop to the floor (they are all wearing the evil-looking silver catsuits now).

EW: And just remember . . . if you ever think of disobeying, trying to escape, running, walking, sighing dreamily, wondering why everyone is yelling at you, or making out . . . all I have to do is give the word, and your Frodos will be gone . . . forever!!! MWAHAHAHAHAHAA!


THE STRAITS LOOK DIRE . . . WILL THE MESSAGEBOARDSHIP ESCAPE?

[Feraway Hawkbriar]

EW: I must go and plot evil things and laugh evily some more I shall return shortly to see the torment you are all in. Take good care of them ladies have fun.

brittany, mandy and Jessica: Yes Elijah. *giggles*

Feraway sighed and swung a little bit...being hung upside down was rather annoying.

Feraway:...oookaaay...I'm gonna hate doing this.... Chicas heeey hey chicas

She was appealingly speaking to the pop-star wimmen.

Brittany, Mandy and Jessica look up.

Feraway: hiiiii, hey there, y'know I was just wondering, I'v got this terrible problem with my nails, I just cant seem to find a good color for them. Yall being beauty geniuses and all, the trendsetters of the millenuim , I was wondering if yall had any like tips are anything..huh?

Marth stewart: I THOUGH I-
Ferway: SHusup ya old bat!
Martha Stewart: HAY!
Churl: *In a wisper* what are you up to?

Feraway: QUIET YOU! *sly wink*

Brittany: well I know this great little trick to make these totally cute kitty pattern, I had it last week but I changed for some of those little stick on gems


Feraway: hey I could like sooo learn from you! Can I like, be evil too and aid in your cause to make everyone super glittery teenibopers? We can like do a slumber party of it! and it would be like all fun and stuff. Like and we can pretty up the boys!

Guys of the fellowship: huh?!

Brittany, Jessica, Mandy: Slumber parties are fuuuun! *giggling*

The rest of of upsidedown fellowship just stares at Feraway, she had a sly, knowing look on her face.

The teeniboppers scrambled about gathering pillows, makeup and fluffy things for the slumber part and makeing preparations to bring Feraway down

Feraway: *in a wisper* chill...I'll have yall down...though you're not going to like how.

[FrodoFriend]

Eep.

[Feraway Hawkbriar]

ITS NOTHING SEXUAL! O_O.I swear it.

[FrodoFriend]

That all depends on who writes next.

[Feraway Hawkbriar]

I would just like to note, for the books, that I am only Tricking, TRICKING I SAY, the teenibopers...nono on the evil thing just painful painful tricky tricky( I cant STAND makeup..but sacrafices must be made). and...I am NOT really a ditz. Soo whoever writes next, keep that in mind, mkay?..mkay! ^_^

[Agburanar]

Is this the longest thread ever or what? Great fun!

[Gerbil]

Am I the only the one who thinks this whole thread is hovering notoriously close to the 'soft-porn' line?
It's so clear what you girls want to write about.
You should all be ashamed of yourselves.

PS Please do a slumber party

[Laurelyn]

Still funny. Still outrageously, hilariously funny.

[Feraway Hawkbriar]

Silly Gerbil, porn is for...um....no..wait thats not going to be sounding right...nevermind..


CHARECTER SKETCH PICCIE...THINGS... ARE UP ON MY SITE!
they're in the Fantasy Art section.

http://www.artsquish.homestead.com/index1.html

[jerseydevil]

Feraway -

Like I said in a PM to you - you're an awesome artist. The pics are great - thanks.

BY the way - I hope you really do get a chance to turn this into a comic - it would so cool. But I know it would take a lot of work too. I'm also going to put a link from my personal website to yours.

[Gerbil]

Great pics - I'm a particular fan of your loose style - since much of my day is spent looking at over-designed and fiddly websites

BUT! A real problem now:

Which of them do I fancy the most?

*ponders*

All of them!

PS I mean the girls, of course, although that spoon is mighty tempting.

[Laurelyn]

Wow, Feraway. Your drawings are beautiful.

[Rána Eressëa]

Ah! It looks exactly like me, Feraway! Beautiful! And I didn't even have to give you a picture. Amazing