War For All Of Middle Earth™!

[Willow Oran]

Maggie: You should have known better Zavron. Now, you must suffer The Room.

(she snaps her fingers and he dissapears with a terrified scream and a flash of urple.)

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

(Meanwhile at Minas Tirith E. Maggie has completed her task and is now yelling at Grady while Katt busies herself bottling their new prisoners.)

E. Maggie: Do not trifle with me youngling. You may be my brother but that will not stop me from locking you and all your armies in the room again.

Grady: But- Come on.... I'm just trying to help....

E.Maggie: GO. HOME! Before I do something to you that I do not wish to do. Do not force me to cause our parents grief.

(She holds up the One Ring menacingly)

Grady: You wouldn't!

E. Maggie: Would you like to bet your life on that little brother?

Grady: No.

E. Maggie: Then do not interfere with my plans again.

(Grady leaves. Once back in Mirkwood he paces in anger.)

Grady: How dare she! I hate it when she gets like that. Well, I'll show her, I'll do something to upset Her plans once and for all. She's only so sure of herself because she has no competition. Well, I'll change that! All these portals that she's made in Middle Earth, she told me before that they had been weakening the walls between Middle Earth and the Void where the native Evil villans are now held. She may be a match for the elves and men and other invaders but surely she will not be so confident once she has both Morgoth and Sauron after her!

(He grins evilly, it is not so frightening as his sister's grin but it still not reassuring. He exits the room and after a moment we hear a bang and a whoosh of air. Grady comes back into the room but now he is zombie like and his eyes are glazed over. Behind him are two very large shadows.)

[Earniel]

Eärniel: *looks at the spot where zavron was a few seconds ago* What was that?

Tano: Comic relief I guess.

Eärniel: I liked the part about the frogs. I like frogs....

GG: You do?

Eärniel: Yeah, they're look so cute with those big bulging eyes and...

Elrond: I think that will be enough. Now can we PLEASE concentrate about the problems at hand?

GG: What? Like garden renovation?

Elrond: Yes! Um... No! I mean evil Maggie! And how is this little child going to help us stop her?

[Masderanoe]

Morgoth: Ahh it's good to be back.

Sauron: Mua hahaha

Morgoth: This is excellent we have an army greater than any we have had before. Now it is time to turn to business. I will go Angband and rebuild it. You go to Morder and rebuild it. Then we will launch war on Middle Earth. We can hold these lands through our drone here. Soon we will rule Middle Earth.

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Morgoth arrives in Angband to find it occupied by Mini-Nazgul.

Morgoth: AHH this place is supposed to be MINE what are you people doing here!!!!!!

The mini-nazgul don't know what to say and they just stand there staring.

[Nazgûl Queen]

Scarlet: *looks the new stranger up and down* Oh, piss of Morgoth.

Morgoth: WHAT?! YOU CANT SAY THAT TO ME!!!!!!

Scarlet: Actually, i can. You see, we dont serve you anymore. We serve Morauko, Queen of the nazgul.

Morgoth: I see...

Scarlet: And, she also owns this place, and put Anti-Dark spells on it with the help of the Valar.

Morgoth: Oh dear...

Scarlet: So, TECHNICALLY, you cant be here.

*Morgoth vanishes in a puff of logic*

Scarlet: Now that we've got rid of him, i wonder whats keeping NQ?

*she flies over towards where maggie is, and sees NQ under the control of the ring. Then, she sees Sauron, and has a sneaky idea. She flies down to where he is, and lands in front of him.*

Scarlet: Hey, you!

Sauron: What?

Scarlet: Do you want your one ring back?

*Sauron hisses and glares evilly*

Scarlet: Well, maggie has it over in Imladri...

*before she can finish, Sauron is off towards Imladris, and Scarlet goes to get NQ. She grabs her with her talons and carries her home to Angband.*

[zavron]

zav: What the hell!! I can defend myself! I also have the power of Flicky Fingers! *flicks fingers* Mwuhahahahahahaha *flicks fingers. 10'000 Elves dissapear in a cloud of Blue Smoke that smells like burnt plastic*

Maggie: Oh no!! not...not the....

Zav: Yessss!!!! The Blue Smoke the smells like Burnt Plastic! I have the power to use it. It is ultimate and now no-other power can rival me!! I challenge you to a Flicky Duell! You May have your Purple Flash, but I have the Blue Smoke that smells like Burnt Plastic!!!!! Mwuhahahahahaahahahahahaahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah ahah!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Flicks Finger and the room dissapears then suddenly a big Duell hall appears*

Maggie: I accept your duell!

[Celandine]

(Sadly for Zavron he is merely a figment of our imaginations so he is still STUCK INSIDE THE ROOM.)

OOC: Ignoring my post will not get you out.

(In Imladris... a very out of breath elf rushes into the council looking very panicked.)

Elf: Sauron.... loose.... heading this way.... wants his... ring back!

(Stops there gasping for breath.)

Maggie: Ah... right. Elena dear there is a big nasty demon outside who wants to kill me and cause a lot of chaos. Now, I know you really don't like chaos so perhaps it would be best for everyone if you just went out there and took care of him.

Elena: (thinks about it for a moment) O-kay!

(She skips outside to meet Sauron holding the invisable fish, there follows a large number a crashing, banging, and thumping noises ending with that ever persistant final tinkle of glass. Once the noise has stopped the others venture outside expecting the worst only to find Elena sitting in her bit of the garden playing dress up with what would appear to be a very large, disgruntled wolf cub.)

Everyone: (stares in disbelief.)

Elrond: Is that... Who I think it is?

Maggie: Uh.... yup.

Everyone: (stares some more.)

[Celandine]

(Sadly for Zavron he is merely a figment of our imaginations so he is still STUCK INSIDE THE ROOM.)

OOC: Ignoring my post will not get you out.

(In Imladris... a very out of breath elf rushes into the council looking very panicked.)

Elf: Sauron.... loose.... heading this way.... wants his... ring back!

(Stops there gasping for breath.)

Maggie: Ah... right. Elena dear there is a big nasty demon outside who wants to kill me and cause a lot of chaos. Now, I know you really don't like chaos so perhaps it would be best for everyone if you just went out there and took care of him.

Elena: (thinks about it for a moment) O-kay!

(She skips outside to meet Sauron holding the invisable fish, there follows a large number a crashing, banging, and thumping noises ending with that ever persistant final tinkle of glass. Once the noise has stopped the others venture outside expecting the worst only to find Elena sitting in her bit of the garden playing dress up with what would appear to be a very large, disgruntled wolf cub.)

Everyone: (stares in disbelief.)

Elrond: Is that... Who I think it is?

Maggie: Uh.... yup.

Everyone: (stares some more.)

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Arrgh!!! I hate it when that happens! Not only did I accidentally post twice, it was on my sister's account. Blast it! Blast it all to the room!!!!!!!!

[Earniel]

OOC: So you have a sister too? I was already wondering why Celandine suddenly jumped in. As for the double posting: there's a very handy delete button in edit.

IC:

Eärniel: What just happened?

Elrond: Do we really want to know that?

Eärniel: Good point.

*They walk over to Elena.*

Elena: Do you like my new doll?

Elrond: Errr......

*To the horror of the rest Eärniel starts absentmindedly patting the big wolf cub. Elena on the other hand just keeps smiling brightly.*

Eärniel: *never fast on the intake* So, where did Sauron go?

Maggie: Well......

[Human#3.141592653]

Meanwhile, Katt and Roya are busy filling water bottles with hapless victim after victim...when it dawns on Katt...

Katt: Neh? A wait a minute....

Roya: What?

Katt: We are nearly finished with our task.

Roya: And go thing too, I'm tired of halling my ass all over middle earth collecting elves!

Katt: Right! And I brough along just enough water bottles to collect all the elves and no more.

Roya: Get to the blasted point, woman!

Katt: So why do we have all these empty bottles laying around, if we are nearly done?

Roya: Wait! Do you hear that?

*glug glug glug glug*

Both run over to the tuck adn throw wide the doors to discover Human chuggin' back the last full water bottle.

Katt: *Sputters* But...how?! I thought that you were...were....

Human: Gone for good? No...you really shouldn't have turned that guy into a lizard. The Karma goods pulled me back once more for one final round with all of you. Oh, and by the way, you aren't nearly done task. You are finished. All the elves have been collected and drunk. Have a good day!

*Vashes*

Katt: Oh, this is just great. She's got a whole race in there now!

Roya: *sniggers* All the elves are drunk....

Katt: This is no time for that! Maggie will kill us!

Later, in Zarvon's bath tub....

Human: Rubber ducky your the one! I'm so glad that I stole this thing! I can see why he likes it so much....

[Masderanoe]

Once Sauron became a wolf there was a loud bang over Grady's head.

Grady: OW OW OW OW Why did there have to be a loud bang why not a nice little ding.

Willy: Because you wrote it like that.

Grady: Oh, well wait a second why am I not a zombie anymore.

Willy: Because Sauron and Morgoth were defeated.

Grady: Oh that was fast.

Grady: Well all that time of being a zombie gave my mind a little time to think. I think that now I know how to defeat Maggie.

Willy: How she has so many alter-egos and they're really hard to beat.

Grady: There's only one way to destroy alter-egos, and that's with other alter-egos.

He slammed his staff on that ground and there appeared about 10 alter-egos.

Grady: These are good Grady, merciful Grady, Mean Grady, Evil Grady, Bloody grady, Cruel Grady, Nasty Grady, Unpitiful Grady, altogether evil Grady without a pinch of merci or anything that even resembles good, and Elena's little brother Elbin

Tingleclaw: I see your good and evil sides are balanced very well.

Grady: Be quite.

Tingleclaw: Fine

Grady: Ok here's whats going to happen, he hands Bloody grady A really big jar almost as big as him, Bloody Grady go find G. Maggie and put her in this. It will bring her to some place far away from Middle Earth. Cruel Grady do the same to E. Maggie it will transfer her to the same place as G. Maggie. And Elbin I want you to go find Elena and convince her to go back to the dimension that you two came from. Merciful Grady, and Good Grady stay here and start improving everything. As for the rest of you i want you to take 200 orcs each and start pillaging everything you see west of the misty mountains.

Tingleclaw: Great ideas, only part that I'm wondering about is why you didn't split up into a hundred parts.

Grady: It's because I'm special.

[Human#3.141592653]

Human eats Grady's alter egos.

Human: swishes them around with the elves...

Human explodes.

*BOOM!*

Where Human was once standing are the 12 Fey: much like the way in which Sauron mixed the Avri into Orcs, so has Human created out of Grady's alter-egos green skinned, pinked haired Fey creatures which she will use to destroy Evil Maggie!

They are called Grady-Fey the Pure, Grady-Fey the Merciful, Grady-Fey the Mean to small puppies, Evil Grady-Fey, Grady-Fey the Nancing and not so Pure as Grady-Fey the Pure, Grady-Fey The Brave, GradyFey The Fearful, Grady-Fey The Genius, altogether evil Grady-Fey without a pinch of merci or anything that even resembles good, and Elena's little brother Elbin (who now has pointed ears.) And two new conceptions:

Zeke and Pete. More on those two later.
(Who needs alter egos of their own? I can just barrow other's!)
Sorry, but it's really late at night. I'm going to go the bed now.

[Willow Oran]

(Fortunately, E. Maggie had already taken the important bottled elves to her evil hideout so her plans were not disrupted by Human's... unfortunate drinking habits.)

Evil Maggie: (turns away from her spying mirror) Oh Grady... You poor foolish bumbling brother of mine. What am I to do with you?

(thinks for a moment)

Well, nothing right now, I must deal with these new creations of Human's...

(fingers the one ring and grins, you know, The Grin.)


This should be fun, I've always wanted to find out what would happen if I shrunk something with the ring, I was going to try it on Celeborn but... these creations will work just as well. But after they've been shrunk, what then...

(grins wider and eviller than ever before as she gets an idea.)

Oh Jynx sweetie! Here kitty, kitty, kitty! Maggie has a treat for you!

[Masderanoe]

Elbin who has pointy ears: I don't wanna be small and one of these weird things anymore!

There was a roll of thunder and a big boom a second later Human was in a cage a hundred or so elves were standing around Human and the alter-egos were back in Mirkwood.

Grady: What happend?

Elbin: We got turned into weird things.

M. Grady: Really weird things.

Grady: Oh darn we'll just have to join G. Maggie!

Tingleclaw: What if she doesn't want us to join her.

Grady: If she doesn't then we'll take all of our 2,000,000 soldiers to Imladris and see how she feels about us joining her then!

[Human#3.141592653]

HUman: from inside the cage* Oh drat!! I had plans for those alter egos...guess I will just have to go into ninja mode again...

*Shivers suddenly as though a fell wind was on teh air...*

Human: Oh no! Maggie's grinning....The Grin! She must be up to something...

Human suddenly shirks to about three inches tall. After a brief moment of sudden bewilderdment and general confuzzlement, Human discovers that being three inches tall allows for him to escapethe cage with minimal effort.

Human: Wa ha ha...whoa! My voice!

Suddenly Jinx appears roaring and drooling and hungry from the flesh of Human! (hee hee...pun.)

Human: You think that you will eat me do you?

Human and Jinx battle vailantly and lay to waste the lands around them. Finally, after many hours of struggle, human breaks out his secret weapon!

Human: I can sing the Tra la la lally song just like Alvin and the chipmonks!*Sings* Oh, what are you doing, and where are you going; your ponies need shoeing, the river is flowing!

[Earniel]

OOC: Jinx?! What are you doing in this RPG? Bad cat!

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: And here comes Katt to fix everything.

*In Maggie's private sitting room, Maggie sat in a chair in front of the fire with Katt gently brushing her hair. She looked tiered.*

Maggie: You know Katt? There are so many crazy things going on, minature people, alter egoes, that sometimes I like to take a break. That's why I'm glad I have you. Now. Have you done my bidding.

Katt: Almost, my lady. Roya is getting the last one, Him, as we speak.

Maggie: Tut tut. You should have been finished long ago. I will need your skills very shortly.

Katt: I apologize, my lady. He shall be here within the hour. If you will excuse me, I have some personal buisness to attend to.

Maggie: *smiles knowingly* very well.

*Katt leaves and Maggie gets up to go deal with human's "difficulties.*

*Meanwhile, in a back storeroom, a cat chacing a crazy little thing knockes down a water bottle. Out of the water bottle, comes, what lookes to like to the cat, a little albino mouse. The cat stops.*

Mouse(Celeborn): Excuse me kitten, but I was wondering if you could assist me in getting back to my right size.

*The cat, knowing it couldn't render assistance to anyone, decided to chace the little albino mouse while Human hid in a corner.*

Narrator: Will Celeborn get away? Will Maggie get rid of Human's "difficulties"? What is Katt's "personal buisness"? Tune in to Katt's next post in about two minutes!

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

*As Katt walked down the hall, she ran into Roya dragging Glorfindle behind.*

Roya: Here he is. You don’t know how hard it is to steal him out from under Good Maggie’s nose.

Katt: Oh don’t I?

Roya: *rolls eyes* Oh come on. This is why you called me! Cuz you couldn’t do it!

Katt: Right. I’ll take him from here. Go set up the water bottles again. We will have more use for them. Oh, an d where is… um…
Roya: He’s in you room. *rolls eyes* I dunno what you want with him anyway.

Katt: Thank you, that’s enough. *Takes Glorfindle and walks back to Maggie’s office. Unties Glorfindle and takes off his gag.* I am sorry if she hurt you. That is her specialty.

Glorfindle: Why do you care, and where are you taking me?

Katt: I am taking you to my Mistress and yours. She would be terribly angry with me if you were hurt. *knocks on Maggie’s door.* Mistress, he is here.

*Glorfindle goes to meet Maggie and Katt returns to her room.*

*As Katt opened the door to her room she was aware that the person inside was going to jump her. She quickly turned on the lights, closed and locked the door, and jumped to the other side of the room all in one motion.*

Glordifle: Ha! I knew it was you that had me kidnapped!

Katt: Oh come on! It was the only way I could get you back!

Glordifle: Well, now that I’m here, what are you gonna do? Torture me? Kill me? What?

Katt: *Shyly* Actually, I had something else in mind. Lets get married.

Glordifle: *jumps up* What?!? Why?

Katt: Mostly for security, They wouldn’t dare separate a married couple. But also for Rache.

Glordifle: Who?

Katt: Your daughter. But wait, here are my terms. You will find them most satisfactory. Just because we will be married, doesn’t mean we have to have a monogomus relationship.

Glordifle: Katt, I think I almost love you.

*They kissed and we shall leave it at that. But, how will Rache react?*

[Earniel]

*But Roya didn't get out of Rivendel entirely unnoticed. Eärniel who got tired of playing with Elena and Sauron the wolf cub, decided to have some adventure of her own. (In reality she just was miffed because the cub had bitten her.) So since she saw Roya dragging somebody behind her, the sea elf decided to follow her. Unfortunately Eärniel lost sight of Roya in the winding corridors. She now hides in one of the storage rooms...*

Eärniel: *to herself* Somehow, I'm starting to think this wasn't such a grand idea. Now I'm lost in evil maggie's hide out and I have no idea where's the nearest bar of chocolate and... hang on, what's this?

*Jinx has chased Celeborn, the little albino mouse and a little black and white mouse that vagely resembles Human all the way through the storage room and in a corner. Occasionally he nudges them with a paw until they scream in mortal terror.*

Eärniel: Jinx? What are you doing here?

Jinx: *looks remorseful*

Eärniel: What have you got there? Mice? Oh, good cat! Now kill them!

Celeborn and Human: AAAAAAH! Noooooooooooo!

Eärniel: Screaming mice? Whatever next?

Celeborn: We're not mice! Help!

[goldiegollum]

all the while, goldiegollum and Tano had been holding a contest to see who could poke their head through the most windows first by climbing the trees and collumns in rivendell.

GG: 12!

Tano: I've got 15!

GG: *pokes head into four small windows, random startled elf screams* 16! HHEEEE hee!

Tano: no! * jumps over to 2 windows* 17!

Down below, Good maggie is beginning to suspect something as she can't find Glorfindel anyehere.