"Temporary" Venting Thread V

[GrayMouser]

Originally Posted by Gwaimir Windgem

See my previous posts about out-moded gender roles. Our culture's two-dimensional ideas of Masculinity and Femininity spring out of outmoded gender roles. If one happens to fit them, well-and-good; if one does not, well-and-good. The important thing is to be an individual, and unless your life goal is "get married and have 2.5 children," standard notions of masculinity and femininity can only apply in a limited sense.

For myself, I know that I am Not Masculine. I am also Not Feminine. I am me.

"The important thing is to be an individual, and even if your life goal is "get married and have 2.5 children," standard notions of masculinity and femininity can only apply in a limited sense."

Fixed that for ya.

[Tessar]

Originally Posted by BeardofPants

Tess, dear Tess, why are you trying to be something you're not? *smacks Tessar upside the head*

Primarily it's because my mother thinks I have a mental disease, my dad pretends he doesn't know, and one of my sisters told me that I was going to go to hell. Recently a friend, one of the best friends I've ever had, offered to stop spending time with me because he was afraid that I had a crush on him and he didn't want to be "a temptation." Whether that was real concern or he was just creeped out by the idea doesn't matter. I have friends who make a point of not being around gay people because they don't want to support "that lifestyle" in any way.

I can't handle the idea that all of these people... my family and friends... who are perfectly fantastic, great people... all hate or are afraid of or are completely creeped out by something about me that, despite all of my best efforts in the past, I seem to have absolutely no ability to control.

So that's why I really want to change how I appear: The less I look the part, the less people will think it of me. I really don't believe at this point (although I guess I still hope sometimes) that I can change who I am on the inside, but I think with enough work I can change what I look like on the outside. I'm only upset because I thought I was doing a better job, but it looks like it's something I just have to keep working on.

[BeardofPants]

It's not an easy situation you find yourself in, but you don't have to do it alone. There are lots of people who've been in EXACTLY the same position that you find yourself in. In any case, I hope you can find middle ground between your happiness & your family's.

[katya]

Aww Tessar, it's too bad you don't hang out with my group of friends instead. No one would bat an eyelash. You know, one time a friend of mine wrote in my yearbook "Don't change for anyone but yourself." I know it's important to have a good relationship with your family, but I think it's solid advice.

[Mari]

What Katya said, though I realize that's hard to imagine when your loved ones are in in the equation.
Hug?

[Earniel]

Originally Posted by Tessar

So that's why I really want to change how I appear: The less I look the part, the less people will think it of me. I really don't believe at this point (although I guess I still hope sometimes) that I can change who I am on the inside, but I think with enough work I can change what I look like on the outside. I'm only upset because I thought I was doing a better job, but it looks like it's something I just have to keep working on.

The fact that you're willing to to try and change the way you appear to put friends and family at ease shows how much you care for them. Though with luck, they come at meet you half-way. Finding the right middle-ground is important in relationships of all kinds.

[Jonathan]

It's tough Tess. You'll manage though

Last week my city a Pride Festival. I do believe such recurring events, over time, may be a big help in making regular people more comfortable with gay, lesbian, bisexual and transgender issues.
The more kosher such matters get, the less people will be afraid to "tempt" their friends, refrain from being around gay people out of principle, or tell their friends they're going to wind up in hell.

[Gwaimir Windgem]

Originally Posted by Tessar

Primarily it's because my mother thinks I have a mental disease, my dad pretends he doesn't know, and one of my sisters told me that I was going to go to hell. Recently a friend, one of the best friends I've ever had, offered to stop spending time with me because he was afraid that I had a crush on him and he didn't want to be "a temptation." Whether that was real concern or he was just creeped out by the idea doesn't matter. I have friends who make a point of not being around gay people because they don't want to support "that lifestyle" in any way.

I can't handle the idea that all of these people... my family and friends... who are perfectly fantastic, great people... all hate or are afraid of or are completely creeped out by something about me that, despite all of my best efforts in the past, I seem to have absolutely no ability to control.

So that's why I really want to change how I appear: The less I look the part, the less people will think it of me. I really don't believe at this point (although I guess I still hope sometimes) that I can change who I am on the inside, but I think with enough work I can change what I look like on the outside. I'm only upset because I thought I was doing a better job, but it looks like it's something I just have to keep working on.

Oh, Tess, I am sorry to hear that. That sounds really rough. I'm luckier; my mother is a little bit in denial, and I suspect that one of my friends who has distanced himself from me over the past year may have done so because of my sexuality, but besides that, it's not been too bad. It sounds like it's much more problematic in your situation, though. Like Earniel says, you've been showing your commitment to friends and family. Hopefully, they can learn to give you a little lee way.

[Tessar]

Ah, thanks guys. I do appreciate it. I will indeed find a way to make everything balance out eventually, it's just a struggle figuring out how to find that point.

[Tessar]

Someone rear-ended me today. Second accident I've been in, and it's because both times the other driver wasn't paying attention. The first guy (the one who totaled my car) was looking at his map so he ran his red and hit me, and I think this lady was on her phone or texting or something and she saw the traffic had stopped ahead, so she tried to switch lanes without slowing down.... aaaaand hit me.

It just annoys me that I can do everything I want to try to be a safe driver, but people keep hitting ME. >.< WHHHHHHHHHY?

At least this time was nothing like the first time. The first accident was horrible and totaled the car. This time it looks like the entire bumper needs to be replaced, and possibly the trunk, but otherwise I don't think there's a lot of damage. Praying that's the case.

[Nerdanel]

that sucks.. sorry to hear that you got hit, again! X/

great to hear you're ok, though.

[Mari]

Does that up the costs of your insurance? Here getting in an accident does, even if you're not at fault.
Glad you're okay now and that your car is still functioning *huggles* What's the point in telling you to drive safely if someone else doesn't?

[Earniel]

Sounds like a pretty good bump if the entire bumper needs to be replaced!

I guess driving well and safely isn't enough these days. You have to watch for and anticipate crazy manoeuvres from other drivers as well because there's always one who will do something stupid.

[Gwaimir Windgem]

That sucks. There are always plenty of terrible drivers out there to watch for, but it sounds like you're getting more than your fair share.

[Mari]

Originally Posted by Eärniel

I guess driving well and safely isn't enough these days. You have to watch for and anticipate crazy manoeuvres from other drivers as well because there's always one who will do something stupid.

You are actually being tested for that during driver's exam. I tend to not do so well on this. *sigh*

[Tessar]

Originally Posted by Eärniel

I guess driving well and safely isn't enough these days. You have to watch for and anticipate crazy manoeuvres from other drivers as well because there's always one who will do something stupid.

Unfortunately I don't think there was much I could have done in either case. The first time I didn't see it coming because the guy was coming from around a couple of massive concrete pillars, so I didn't see him.

This time I was already at a complete stop, and had been for five or ten seconds. I think I was actually checking my side mirrors when the lady bumped me.

[GrayMouser]

One of the great things about driving in Taiwan is there are no excuses. You can't say "I didn't expect him to put on the left turn signal, swerve into the right hand lane, then pull a U-turn across a double-yellow line in the face of oncoming traffic who had to slam on the brakes" because that's a normal part of everyday driving.

To make a left turn here (same side of road as America/Europe) you edge into the oncoming traffic which keeps swerving to get around you till you finally get someone who flinches...evey corner is a game of chicken. If you don't, the guy behind you waiting to turn left will simply cut outside you to do the same thing.

The first five years i wore myself out screaming and cursing...now I accept with a relaxed alertness that people around me on the road will do insanely stupid things without warning at any moment. It's a kind of Zen master/Yoda style of consciousness....

[Rían]

Originally Posted by Tessar

This time I was already at a complete stop, and had been for five or ten seconds. I think I was actually checking my side mirrors when the lady bumped me.

Sounds like my son's first accident last month - he was at a dead stop at a light, and the lady behind him hit him pretty hard - hard enough so that he hit the car in front of him, and they hit the car in front of them, and they hit the car in front of them. She says she wasn't texting, but sheesh! that's pretty hard to believe! The sun wasn't in her eyes, either - in Phoenix, I could believe something like that would happen if you're heading into the sun, but she was heading north.

Luckily with this accident, and with the semi that smashed our truck and trailer and quad a year ago, the other party was 100% at fault, and our insurance did not penalize us at all.

GrayMouser - do people queue up for things over there, or is it just a mob type of thing? I, for one, love the concept of queueing up - it just seems like the right thing to do, and you know right where you're at, and you can even read a book in line, or chat with a friend, and not be looking out how to push your way to the front. But obviously not everyone likes that style!

I'd have trouble with that kind of driving, too - it just makes so much more sense to me for people to obey road rules like in the US. Do you think that's the difference between countries that are younger and grew up with faster-type transportation and those that are older and had mostly walking and animals, where you didn't really need road rules?

[Gwaimir Windgem]

Originally Posted by RÃ*an

Do you think that's the difference between countries that are younger and grew up with faster-type transportation and those that are older and had mostly walking and animals, where you didn't really need road rules?

Portugal's pretty old, as is Russia, and everyone drives insanely there. In parts of Russia, you have to look both ways before you cross the sidewalk.

[BeardofPants]

GM, it's probably a safer style of driving because you're forced to be more aware of your surroundings. The amount of times I've almost been run over because the driver has "zoned".