"Temporary" Venting Thread V

[Mari]

Originally Posted by Midge

It took me a little while to figure out what you didn't want to show. Baggy stuff covers up a LOT.

There is underwear for that you know.

[Rían]

Originally Posted by Midge

We'll probably start with Craigslist.

We just got an awesome bakers' rack for $25 on Craigslist - we were looking for something to hold the towels by the pool, and my husband thought of a bakers' rack, and we found one that went great with the pool furniture and was only $25! Started at $40, then 30, then by the time we contacted them it was 25!

[Tessar]

I really want to have kids. :-/ I've known I wanted to be a dad for years and years, and I even used to freak my parents out when I was younger by talking about how some day I'd like to adopt.

Buuuut unfortunately my situation's a bit weird. For multiple reasons.

It seems crazy. I feel like some of the girls I know who say things like, "Oh I just wanna get married and have kids!" and that's their entire ambition in life. To have kids. I mean that's not my only goal... dang, far from my only goal, I have a zillion big ones I'm hoping to achieve... but I really, really, really want to have kids and try to be a great dad.

I don't even know why. I mean I love kids but I know lots of people who love kids but don't want to have any.

I'm only venting about it because it's been hugely on my mind for the last few months, and unfortunately it's not something I can discuss with my family because it would make for some majorly awkward conversations.

[Gwaimir Windgem]

I'm sure you already know this, but adoption is an option; not right now, perhaps, but once you've got a decent career, creating a child-friendly home and adopting will be possible. Just give it a little time.

[Tessar]

Well there are multiple obstacles. From what I understand when a single male attempts to adopt a child there is a major fear of pedophilia and so they really, really, really don't like to let single men adopt. Also there are emotional and time management difficulties to being a single parent not just for the parent, but for the child.

For me there are obstacles to not being a single parent... as a Catholic it's not like I can go find a life partner of some sort, and considering that I have serious doubts about the ability for therapy to turn someone straight.... meh? I guess I'm going to try that eventually, but I have doubts. It would be super awesome if I could get into therapy and a few years later be straight... don't get me wrong, I'd be totally on board for that, but as we've discussed in the past I have major doubts about that being possible.


I guess I'm not so much struggling with the desire to be a father, I'm struggling with the 'how to become a father' on several levels.

[Gwaimir Windgem]

I would imagine that it is harder for a single male to adopt than a single female, but I'm sure it would be possible, with the right agency. This article focuses on surrogacy, but suggests similar increases in single male adoption lately. Of course, it's possible that it might not end up not being a possibility; the drain for both parent and child you mentioned would be a major consideration, and I'm sure it would require a lot of work to create a life where single parenting is an option. Regardless, it would definitely be a ways down the road. Don't write off the possibility yet, though.

[Mari]

Another option, if you're up for it, is becoming a foster parent. You can be a full-time or part-time or even a special occasions foster parent and it's open for single people as well. In the Netherlands it requires taking a course and handing in forms stating you've never done anything illegal and stuff, but it is IMO a good option.
One I'm considering for myself actually, though obviously you'll need to be able to prove that your finances are in a healthy state and that your living space is suitable for it.

[Earniel]

However becoming a fosterparent isn't without its own difficulties. From what I've heard, it can be terribly demanding and draining. The chances are that the kids that will be put into your care may have faced already hardship and difficulties and may require special care and attention. And you'll never have the same rights as ordinary parents, while you will also have to be prepared to hand the kids over again at any time. You will likely never see them grow up through their whole childhood.

[Mari]

That's the whole point of being a foster parent, though in the Netherlands there is long term and short term care and you can say which age group you'd be most comfortable with.
By the by, fosterparents have the same rights as 'ordinary' parents when it comes to taking off from work to care for your child etc. But yeah, if the child needs to go to the hospital, the parents need to give permission.
It is difficult to be a foster parent and you certainly need to be up for it (during the course you will also find out whether it's something for you or not), but I think it might also be very rewarding. And they always need new foster parents.
An interesting thing is that they don't match parents with an available child, but a child with available parents. The kids go first.

[GrayMouser]

Since you're Catholic, that rules out surrogacy; since you're Catholic, that rules out marriage; since you're Catholic, that rules out a stable relationship; and, from a quick check around the web, your Church not only opposes single-parent adoption, it absolutely opposes adoptions by gay people.

So it looks like you are simply out of options as long as you wish to stay in line with the beliefs of the Catholic Church.

[Gwaimir Windgem]

I would need references about opposition by the Catholic Church to adoption by singles, as well as to adoption by gay people, as opposed to gay couples. I'm sure you can find plenty of individual Catholics on the internet who do, but that's hardly saying anything, since there are many individual Catholics (especially online) who stand opposed to Catholic teaching at both ends of the political spectrum.

So, any official Church teaching you can turn up on the matter would be great interest.

[GrayMouser]

I stand corrected.

While I don't know where to get official Catholic policy on this, from various items it appears that the Church's stand (in Britain at least) is that adoption should be available to married heterosexuals and singles, including gay singles. Since they oppose both gay and unmarried heterosexual couples adopting, I guess the operating assumption is that all those singles are living chastely....

[Earniel]

Originally Posted by Mari

It is difficult to be a foster parent and you certainly need to be up for it (during the course you will also find out whether it's something for you or not), but I think it might also be very rewarding. And they always need new foster parents.

Indeed, it's not for everyone. I for one don't think I'm cut out for it. It takes a stronger person than me.

[Jonathan]

You don't know unless you've tried... though I'm not suggesting you should



Phew! Work today was insane. Literally. It isn't everyday that you get to unintentionally sow discord between two co-workers...
Senior Dr A and Nurse B had a heated argument about whether a certain patient should have been admitted at all. Mind you, yours truly admitted the patient in the first place

(But for the record, IMO the patient was completely bonkers and definitely should be admitted somewhere).

[Tessar]

Originally Posted by Jonathan

You don't know unless you've tried... though I'm not suggesting you should



Phew! Work today was insane. Literally. It isn't everyday that you get to unintentionally sow discord between two co-workers...
Senior Dr A and Nurse B had a heated argument about whether a certain patient should have been admitted at all. Mind you, yours truly admitted the patient in the first place

(But for the record, IMO the patient was completely bonkers and definitely should be admitted somewhere).

I've watched a lot of episodes of Grey's Anatomy. I know exactly what you're talking about.



But in all seriousness, sorry for the stressful situation. O_o That's rough.

[Jonathan]

Haha, oh dear - my life is a medical drama! Like psychiatry's equivalent to what Grey's Anatomy is to surgery

[Mari]

I thought Grey's Anatomy was about a psychiatric ward in the first place

[Tessar]

Despite my attempts to appear at least slightly more masculine, I am "positively adorable." I videotaped my voice lesson today on my laptop and have been watching it in amused horror.

Welp. Back to work on that, I guess. I don't even know where to begin, now. I thought I was doing better... which I guess I am doing better. At least I don't look awkward any more. Cuz, you know, adorably fruity is better than awkward. This is fun.

[BeardofPants]

Tess, dear Tess, why are you trying to be something you're not? *smacks Tessar upside the head*

[Gwaimir Windgem]

Originally Posted by BeardofPants

Tess, dear Tess, why are you trying to be something you're not? *smacks Tessar upside the head*

See my previous posts about out-moded gender roles. Our culture's two-dimensional ideas of Masculinity and Femininity spring out of outmoded gender roles. If one happens to fit them, well-and-good; if one does not, well-and-good. The important thing is to be an individual, and unless your life goal is "get married and have 2.5 children," standard notions of masculinity and femininity can only apply in a limited sense.

For myself, I know that I am Not Masculine. I am also Not Feminine. I am me.