War For All Of Middle Earth™!

[Earniel]

Eärniel: *tears down the new wallpaper again* Sigh, crybabies. There I've done it away. Is it better now? *pats balrog on the back* It's all back to normal. You see?

Balrog: *sniffs and blows his nose* Sniff, thanks...

Eärniel: Now, now, a big balrog like you shouldn't be lying on the group weeping. Think what it'll do to your reputation. And those tears are putting your nice scary flames out. So stand up and be a balrog for Eru's sake not a sniveling baby!

Balrog: *jumps up and stands to attention* Yes m'me!

Eärniel: *looks at Balrog* You're pretty used to following orders aren't you? If I say 'march out of the window' would you do it?

Balrog: No.

Eärniel: *shrugs* Meh, it was worth a shot. Now, we need to talk.

Poiple: We do?

Eärniel: Yes we do. I want to stop the invasion of Middle-earth. Scarlet and the crybalrog here want that gothic leader of them back. And you three want to see Scaley's mum happy. So why don't we combine our missions?

Scaley: We're listening.

Eärniel: Good. *starts to unfold plans*

[zavron]

ooc: OY!! That's unfair!! You can't blow my army away!!! Tough luck! I destroyed Rivendell!! and Turned elrond into a chicken!! No Giant fan can stop me!!! SO SHUT YER MOUTHS!!!!

ic: I led my Giant whisps of smoke back to the camp. There they all went back into a small box which I kept.

[zavron]

Get's back in Bath.

zav: Ahhh...Time to play with My rubber ducky.* starts to play with rubber ducky in bath* This is the U.s.s Monkey here...Arghhh a Giant duck!! Oh no, Quack,quack!! kaploowey!!!

*Human jumps through ceiling again*

zav: What is it with you appearing when I'm having baths!!!Turn around again!

*Human turns around, zavron quickly starts loading a Crossbow again*

Human: I know what you're doing back there!

zav: Awww*Puts crossbow down* Oh well...It was worth a Try!

Human: All evil Lords, Emporers, fiends, whatever, should report Immediately to HeadQuarters.

zav: really! I didn't know we had headquarters!

zav: hey would you like to see my latest Improvement to my army!

Human: Yeah, sure, Why not!

* produces a Bell-pull from now where and pulls it, Millions of heavily Mutated armoured Frogs Jump in to the room*

Human: Frog! That's a new one!

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Maggie would have done this if she were here.

*Alas for Zavron, the only thing he turned into a chicken was one of Maggies fake Rivendels.*

Maggie: Oh dear, I seem to be running out of those. No matter. *Makes it dissapear and goes back to whatever it was she was doing.*

*In some forest a little while ago.*

Katt: I'm bored.

Tano: Have another marshmellow.

Katt: *Vomits*

Tano: Whoops. Are you ok?

Katt: *recovering* Yeah.

Tano: You still look green.

Katt: I'm all right.

Tano: *not beliving* Ok.

Katt: What was I saying?

Tano: You were bored.

Katt: Ok. Let's free Human.

Tano: Why?

Katt: Because it's a nice thing to do.

Tano: Are you sure?

Katt: *annoyed* No, but let's do it anyway.

Tano: fine.

*Katt snapped her fingers and suddenly for persons were crammed into the little urple and neon green striped room listining to "And trill-il-il-il-olly, our names are not Molly, Ha ha, ha ha, ha ha, ha haaaaa--"*

NQ: Um hi.

Katt: Hi

Human: *hums*

Tano: *viciously to Human* Oh shut up! Katt, get us out of here!

Katt: I'm trying, only Human seems to be knawing on my finger.

*Tano tries to hit Human, fails, creates a chain reaction that ends with all four of them in a heap. Human is still humming.*

Katt: There, got it. *Snaps fingers*

*All four of them were in a heap in the forest now.*

Tano: Urg... Gerroff me!

Human: *Leaps up* Ack! I was trapped! The spell was too strong. *To Katt* Thank you for rescuing me, but NQ and I have buisness to attend to. *Grabs NQ around the waist* To Isanguard!

NQ: Wait! Noo--

*Human and NQ dissapeared into the forest.*

Katt: I'm bored.

Tano: *whacks Katt*

OOC: More to come!

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

Katt: Right. Lets go to Isanguard.

Tano: Why?

Katt: It's nice there. Let's build a farm. Keep some sheep. God I love sheep.

Tano: Uh, sure. Sheep.

Katt: *Dreamily* Sheeeeeeeeeeeeep.......

Tano: *Whacks Katt upside the head*

Katt: Ow!

Tano: We can't go to Isanguard! Human's HeadQuarters are there!

Katt: Maybe we should join her side again.

Tano: But you just said the only way to win is to join Maggie!!!

Katt: O_o?

Tano: Nevermind. Besides, Maggie would kill you if you did.

Katt: *sigh* Again? She is already probably after me for setting Human free. *lightbulb* Maybe we could go as anti-war emmiceries from the still free people of Middle Earth.

Tano: Well that's not true.

Katt: Sure it is. We organized the peace rally right? We could start half the mob moving twards Isanguard and the other half tward Imladris. Then we show up at both places about an hour ahead of time to try and talk sence into them. If they refuse to even try to make peace, our mob will soon be there and we cannot be responcible for their actions.

Tano: KATT! You're a genius! This is...so spectacular! Why didn't I think of it before?!

Katt: Because I"M the genius remeber?

Tano: Right. *blinks* We've had this conversation haven't we?

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Oh dear lord... I take a nice romantic vacation with Glorfindel and look what happens. Well I'm back now.

(meanwhile Maggie and Glorfindel have finally made it back to the real Imladris where they are now meeting with the still free peoples of Middle Earth, unfortunately the free peoples are still hostile to outsiders...)

Aragorn: You again! What are you up to this time! Speak quickly or I may decide to forget my questions and have you executed this time.

Maggie: That would be a very bad thing to do. If you want to re claim Middle Earth for your people you will keep me alive. Without me there will be no one to keep the others in check. They would find and destroy your cities if it weren't for my illusions.

Elrond: Peace Aragorn, I know you girl, which one are you? You have decived us before, we will not let that happen again.

Maggie: Who am I? I am myself, whole and undivided once more, as I was in the beginning. I am neither evil, nor good, but no longer am I nuetral. You know this, you are a part of me. I have come to help you this time for the others are getting more aggresive. Here is your ring back. I no longer need it, but you soon will. You must assemble your armies and prepare for battle. There are only a few who are threats to us. Iwill deal with the others now.

Elrond: Your offer of help is accepted. Do what you must, but do not expect pity if you betray us.

Maggie: I will not.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Woah! No one did anything since I did? Wow. Cool Maggie. Are we gonna end this soon?

Katt: Hey, look what I found!

Tano: What is it?

Katt: Oh, it's the one ring. I must have had it all the time.

Tano: Oh, ok. Now what? Maggie has allied with the free peoples of Middle Earth. All we have left is some random Orks and a cave troll. What are we gonna do?

Katt: Shut up, I'm thinking.

Rache: Why don't we just join up with Maggie like you said mum?

Katt & Tano:*Nearly Jump out of their skin* How did you get here?!?

Rache: Magic.

Katt & Tano: *Relax* Oh.

Tano: That's right Katt. You did say the only way to win was to go join Maggie.

Katt: *meekly* Did I?

Rache: Yes.

Katt: *Even more meekley* But she'll be mad at me.

Tano: Well of course. She probably won't be so mad at you for running away, but more mad for setting Human free.

Katt: *scared* Oh.

Rache: Come on, the worst she could do is lock you in the Room.

Katt: meep

Tano: Oh stop your blubbering and lets go!

Katt: ok

*Katt raised her hand to snap her fingers and--*

Tano: *To narrator* Wait! *Grabs Katt* I just figured it out! You have the one ring, and she has Vilya! You can control her!

Rache: Uh, she doesn't have Vilya anymore. Have you been reading the script?

Tano: Oh. *Smiles* Never mind. Let's go.

Katt: THere's a script?!?

Rache: Come on. *Snaps fingers*

Katt: THERE'S A SCR-- *Is cut off as she dissapears*

[Earniel]

*Meanwhile Eärniel is negociating with NQ's army as Entesse comes in with news.*

Entesse: Maggie's on the move again! She has allied herself with the free people of Middle Earth!

Eärniel: She WHAT? But... but... she's their enemy! Has every one lost their mind?

Scaley: Maggie apparantly has a lot of persuasion power.

Eärniel: But that's so unfair. I thought I was supposed to free Middle Earth from the invaders. That turncoat!

*Several dragons and balrogs in the army starts sniggering.*

Dragon#456: Her? Freeing Middle Earth?

Mininazgul#42: Oh stop it, you're cracking me up!

*the army looks at Eärniel and bursts out laughing. Eärniel sighs, crosses her arms and decides to wait until they are finished. But then she has enough of it.*

Eärniel:*throws up her arms* All right! That's enough! I've had it! No more freeing the world for me! It's not like I'm even paid for this! Find yourself somebody else to laugh at. I'm going to Rivendell and I'm going to talk some sense into Elrond for siding with Maggie, then I'm going to tell Nazgul Queen what a lousy army she has; then I'm going to sail and kick Cirdan's but for dumping this on me and then I'm going to forget that there even is a Middle Earth and then..... then.... I'm going to eat some serious amount of chocolate! So there!

Scaley: Wait, what about us?

Eärniel: You do whatever you want, which isn't so different from what you've been doing so far. I'll be sure to give Nazgul Queen your regards. *walks off*

Poiple: Do we let her go?

Entesse: Naaaah, we'll follow her. She's lost without us.

Scarlet: Good, and then we can free our Mistress and get rid of Maggie in one go.

*the army prepares to go to war to Imladris and follows Eärniel on a distance.*

OOC: About time we make an end to this, I'm seriously low on inspiration for the last few posts.

[Human#3.141592653]

And that's my cue!

(Randomness always makes for good...things...with sticks...and a chicken...oh never mind!)

And suddenly and with no warning what so ever, Tano, Katt and Rache find themselves in complete and utter darkness.

Now, as we all know, if human beings stop talking even for the most tiny of seconds, their brains start working, which is a terrible thing to have happen to a human. To prevent random thoughts of dizzying depth and wisdom, humans have a natural reaction to state the extremely obvious. Such examples are, "Oh, it's a nice day out side!" Or "My you are very tall," or "The English are a bit silly, aren't they?"

Thus, upon finding themselves in complete darkness, Tano piped up and said:
"My goodness, what a deep darkness we find our selves in!"

Human: "Oh yes. I'm very proud of it."

Tano: Human!

Human: Tano!

Katt: Human!

Human: Katt!

Katt: Tano!

Tano: Katt!

Human: Human!

Tano: Where the devill have you been?!

Human: Well after going ninja mode, I got very tired and went to sleep. Then I woke up and realized that being an evil genius, I must have evil genius plans! Like ones that have big lasers in them or capturing a voluptuous princess or something like that. So I sat down and closed my mouth and had very Deep Thoughts! And I came up with a plan!

Katt: A plan?

Human: A Plan! (There's a B plan too, and a C plan, but we'll come to those, all in good time!) First off, I needed to disable the magical persons and beasts currently on middle earth, so I set a very big force field all round middle earth, completely cutting it off from the outside world, and damping magic on the inside!
Then I put middle earth in a box! And then I put that box in a bigger box! And now I'm going to mail that box to myself, and when it arrives one my door step in the morning, I'm going to smash it with a hammer!

Rache: Or you could save on postage and just poison your enemies. By the way, how can you be in the box and smash it at the same time?

Human: Because I'm a frickin' ninja! And I can do those things! *Realizes that she is justifying her self to some one shorter than her* Silence! I will not tolerate this insolence!

Katt: Don't talk to my child that way!

Human: *pauses, thinking very hard* But...neh... not enough time to have...ugh...you didn't....she's so...but...but...*sputters*

Tano: Wu?

Human: AGH! My head just caved in! *Falls over*

Tano: Hmm. Well, What do we do now?

Rache: Well, I suppose we have to stop Human from smashing middle earth. And we've only got a day in which to do it in!

Human: Well, don't expect me to help! My head's caved in!

Meanwhile, in Zarvon's bathroom...
A figure, dressed completely in black, steals Zarvon's bath tub and places it in her collection, which also include shurkien, swords, the Chicken-that-was-almost-Rivendale, and buckets and buckets of chicken and biscuits...

[Human#3.141592653]

....




And because nobodied posted, the events planned by Human (almost) became to be true, and Middle Earth was (almost) smashed into little bits by a hammer.

I win! (almost)

Woo! Woo! I ('m going to) win! I ('m going to) win! Na na na na! *Spfppt!*


THE (almost) END!!!!!!!

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

*Tano, Katt, and Rache stood staring at the Human/Ninja who's hair was flying in all directions, who's drool was flowing down the neck, and who was breathing heavily*

Tano: You really need to calm down.

Rache: Yeah, man. Take a chill pill.

Katt: You have pleanty of time to think of something to do, so why don't we just settle down and wait for more evil people to show up. Besides, look what I brought! *Holds up bag*

Tano: Oh NO!

Rache: All RIGHT!

Human: Huh?

*From somewhere down in the depths of Isaunguard, "Magic Carpet Ride" started playing..........*

[Human#3.141592653]

Human: "What the heck?! You should all be smoooooshed!"

(By the way, I posted on the Inn....)

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

OOC: Yeah I know you posted. "It all got smooshed by a hammer." Bogus. Post something good.

OOC2: Will you calm down? We shall wait for other people. Call Maggie and tell her to post.

OOC3: For those of you that missed it, Katt pulled out a bag of pot. "Magic Carpet Ride" should have given you a clue.

*Pretty soon they had got Human all high so she had calmed down. They are now eagerly, but not frustratedly, awating the next post that will determine their fate.*




Edit:OOC4: 400th post! Whoo woo!

[Human#3.141592653]

Ok, I edited my post.

Happy?

Human: Can't I just smash middle earth now?

Katt: no that would not be fair to the other mooters.

Human: *Whines*

Katt: Oh yeah?! I can out wine you! *Whines*

Human: ok. I'll shut up.

[Willow Oran]

OOC: Argh, sorry I haven't posted recently, I was cross country sking in eastern washington, (And laughing my head off at the stuff in Return of the Shadow when I wasn't sking.)

(Maggie, Elornd, Galadriel, Aragorn and most of the other leaders of Middle Earth are in a room in Rivindell planning strategies when Earniel bursts in.)

Earniel: How dare you people! Siding with the enemy! I never would have expected it! Have you lost all your senses?!?!!!!!!!

Maggie: No, they haven't. Calm down, they didn't join with anyone but eachother. I joined with them, not the other way around.

Earniel: (stops mid rant) Wha- Oh. Okay then. Have you taken leave of your senses?

Elrond: Quite possibly. Take a seat. You may as well help us restore Middle Earth to it's former state of being.

[Earniel]

Eärniel: *turns to Poiple* I don't follow anymore. Is Maggie suddenly good? Was this supposed to happen?

Poiple: Would you have felt better if you commanded Nazgul Queen's army and torched and trampled every one here alive?

Eärniel: Well, yeah. Errr... no.... Um.... Maybe?

Entesse: *sighs deeply* Just take the bloody seat, Eärniel!

Eärniel: Fne. *sits down* I don't see why you had to yell for that.

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

Tano: Hey look! There's a meeting in Rivendell.

Human & Katt: How do you know that?

Tano: The script, remember? *waves script*

Katt: Oh yeah.

Human: *Lunges for script and Tano pulls it away* No! I must find out what will happen!

Tano: No Human!

Human: You don't understand. *Rolling on floor* I need it, or else I'll explode like so many rice filled penguins. (OOC: An actual quote.)

Tano: No! Bad Human! No biscut!

Katt: Oh don't start that again!

*Sounds of quibbiling could be heard in Rivendell if anyone cared to listen which they didn't.*

Rache: Will you all please calm down!

*The quibbiling stopped. All that could be heard were crickets.*

Rache: You to crickets. And shut the narrator up while you are at it.

*silence*

Rache: I don't know about you, but I am going to the Rivendell meeting. The war is ending. Our age is passing. Soon we must leave this land.

Katt: You have grown much young one.

Human: O_o? Whaa...

Tano: Look, *to Rache* if it's not your line, don't say it. *To Katt* And please, try not to quote other movies.

Katt: Well, we are going. Anyone else?

Tano: Yeah, I'll come. And Human is coming too.

Human: *Flustering* But, but-- *In a pitiful voice* I'm evil.

Tano: Yeah yeah yeah. Come on.

*Katt and Tano grabbed the still flustered Human under the arms and followed Rache out.*

[Willow Oran]

(And so everyone was gathered, more or less peacfully, in Rivindell.)

Elrond: Lord and Ladies, invaders and lunatics we are garthered here to discuss the most humiliating insanities which have taken place in Middle Earth over the past couple of months.

Maggie: As you know we have been attempting to take over Middle Earth. We have brought our armies, our quirks, and ourselves and inflicted them all upon Middle Earth and her people and I fear we must now face the consequences.

Celeborn(He speaks!) : Indeed. You most of all young lady. In the course of the past month or two you people have disrupted our peace with kidnappings, invasions of strange creatures, random time travel-

Earniel: About that time travel, Maggie told me about it but she never said precisely where she sent you and your lady to...

Galadriel: If you must know we got sent back to the beginning of the first age, at the time and place of the first kin-slaying to be precise.

Celeborn: We were most upset about having to experience it again.

Tano: How did you get away?

Galadriel: We, um... borrowed one of Grandfather's ships and were just sailing out when Nenya rang and we were pulled back to Gondor.

(all contemplate this for a moment)

Human: Hey! That explains the two versions of their history! They're both correct!

Maggie(smug) : Thanks to me.

Elrond: If we may continue. We have also been threatened, hit with frying pans...

Glorfindel: Forced to strip and run across the gap of rohan naked.

(All residents of Middle Earth look at him strangly and edge away.)

Random Elf: Not to mention frozen in time and made into biscuits!

Thranduil: And injured by exploding penguins.

Elrond: All in all, you people have made us very, very, angry.

Aragorn: We would like to kill you all but sadly, we can't. But you will all be imprisoned in The Room, which will be locked courtesy of the ringbearers.

Gandalf: With the key being giving to Mandos for safe keeping.

All Sentenced: *O_o* Uh oh....

Earniel: What about those of us who weren't trying to take over? I was sent by Cirdan to stop them from succeding.

Cirdan: I will deal with you later young lady.

Maggie: And what will you do to me?

Aragorn: Lock you in with the others of course.

Maggie: Are you sure you can?

Gandalf: Why shouldn't we be able to?

Maggie: It's just I always heard that it was against elvish customs to seperate a married couple in such a manner.

Katt: Uh, Maggie? You aren't married.

Glorfindel: (coughs in an embarrased manner and holds up is hand with what is unmistakeably a wedding ring on it) Er.. sorry, I probably should have said before...

Maggie: We went and got married while we were on that vacation earlier.

Elrond: Very well then, you will stay here, under my supervision, and his. Any hint of misbehavior or splitting into alter egos tough and you will be dealt with in a more sever manner. As for the rest of you....

(the room began to fade and another, more dreaded room came into focus. It was The Room of Doom. that expanse of Urple and Neon green wavy stripes running up and down and all around in an infinite space, and all the while the dreaded Tra La La Lally songs plays for ETERNITY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)

And thus ends the war for middle earth, if the ending needs to be ammended it shall be so, if a sequel is desired it is possible. But this is the end.... For now.

[Masderanoe]

OOC: Is that the real ending? If it is tell me. I think it's a bad ending if it's the real one though.

Tingleclaw: Hmm something is not right.

Spikelegs: What?

Tingleclaw: Grady isn't back from that meeting, he said he'd be back in a week it's been 2 months.

Spikelegs: Hmm your right

Tingleclaw: Get billy, willy, and the royal guards. We march to Rivendell.

When they arrived at Rivendell Elrond was sitting in a chair.

Tingleclaw: Where's Grady and Maggie and every one else.

Elrond: They've been sent to The Room

Tingleclaw: I suggest you release Grady. If you don't then I'll set 200,000 giant spiders on middle earth.

Elrond: No you won't.

Tingleclaw: Why not?

Elrond: Because you're going to join them in The Room.

Tingleclaw: How do you plan to do that with Billy and Willy and Grady's guard here?

Elrond: Who?

TIngleclaw: You know the two giants behind me and the 1,000 spiders right outside Rivendell.

Elrond: Uh Oh

Tingleclaw: You are either going to release Grady or you're going to join those people in the room.

Elrond: Yes yes ok.

He snaps his fingers and Grady is standing beside him.

Grady: Evil room Evil room, really evil room. Thank you for getting me out of it Tingleclaw it's an evil room.

TIngleclaw: Come on lets go back to Mirkwood.

[Willow Oran]

Grady that is indeed the real ending. Unless a unonimous vote overturns it.