08-25-2004, 12:42 PM | #221 |
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I really liked that one, Nerdanel.
joyless self-destruction ... I really, really like that line. And: ..........(even you will fall ..........and I shall not rise again) Those two were beautiful.
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08-25-2004, 03:06 PM | #222 | |
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Quote:
Great job!!!
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"Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana... |
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08-25-2004, 03:52 PM | #223 |
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thank you, thank you, thank you!
i didn't like it that much though.. i'm not good at rhyming, it felt a bit fake at times.. but i'm glad to hear you liked it! (and it warmed my heart to hear that about my language, BC thank you.)
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08-25-2004, 06:31 PM | #224 |
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- In case this is the last time I see you
........she said and gave me a hug. - No, this can't be the last time I see you! I have yet to see your body in full moonlight, without a shell of fear on. I have yet to touch your soft, warm skin, I have yet to feel your electric touch send high voltage waves through me. I have yet to **** you with all my body and all my heart. ........I said but my mouth did not move. I took my bike and went home. She was on my mind when I did to me what I really wanted to do to her. ........But my skin just didn't feel as soft as hers, ........my own touch couldn't send those electric waves through me. I never saw her again.
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08-26-2004, 12:24 PM | #225 |
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Wow. Wow. Wow. That sent chills through me. |bows before you in awe|
That was amazing. But, I'm afraid that I can't praise it well enough with my words, so I'll stop trying now...
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08-26-2004, 04:17 PM | #226 |
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thanks! i didn't think anyone would like it.. i already feared that someone had reported it to the mods..
that's the most un-poetic stuff i've written in a while, but as i believe i can't write anything else than poetry, i call that one a poem too. did i confuse you now? EDIT: ok, so it was censured already.. takes some of the power out of it, but i guess 13-year-olds don't know what **** means.
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08-26-2004, 09:15 PM | #227 |
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you know what though, even with the the edit, that was really powerful. awesome, nerd. as was the last one you posted, but i like this one better. very, very cool
geez, you guys are getting so good i'm almost embarrased to post my stuff lol
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08-26-2004, 09:22 PM | #228 |
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Afraid of a Savior
In 20 minutes you rescued me. I was lost down the path less traveled by, and the sun was sinking into the west. But here you are, an unexpected knight in shining armor, offering your hand and asking if I'm alright. Why? I can't help but be suspicious. If your going to burst my bubble do it now, before your dagger digs too deeply. For the first time in my memory, I can smile when I'm alone- truly be happy just for myself. Don't snuff out my now-joyous flame; save me from myself, but don't let my heart get caught in the cross-fire.
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08-26-2004, 09:28 PM | #229 |
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okay, i know this one is pretty bad, but i sorta meant it to be that way... lol
Erin's Amazing Obligatory Corny Love Poem You're a light in my darkness; No! That sounds too much like a teen-love poem- oh, wait... You make me feel beautiful; with you my insecurities fall away and I can just be- No! That's still wrong! Why can't I think straight lately? oh, yeah... What can I say that hasn't been said in a thousand different lines in a thousand different poems? How can I say it without sounding stupid? What is there that could describe this adequatrly? oh! wait! You're a light in my darkness... **********************************************
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08-27-2004, 07:46 AM | #230 |
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i think both of them are very good! i especially like the latter one.. it reminds me that sometimes i can't write poems, because i'm afraid of clichés..
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09-02-2004, 09:03 PM | #231 |
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What Have You Done?
Suddenly, my hand aches with yours not near-by. It was never that way Before; What did you do? Now, my mind wanders down the same path constantly- you are always at its end; How did you do that? I find that I'm lonely when I'm sitting by myself; those times that used to bring me peace now bring me longing for your strong arms about me. I should be drowning, but I'm breathing clearer than I ever have before- What have you done? ************************************** sorry for the cheese-fest guys, but i'm a little new at the love thing i'll get better...i hope... lol!
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09-04-2004, 06:48 AM | #232 |
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i think it's good.. and you have lots of time to make it even better!
'my mind wanders down the same path constantly- you are always at its end;' i like that part.. it's a nice metaphor.
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09-04-2004, 06:54 AM | #233 |
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i think it's good.. and you have lots of time to make it even better!
'my mind wanders down the same path constantly- you are always at its end;' i like that part.. it's a nice metaphor.
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09-04-2004, 07:05 AM | #234 |
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sorry 'bout that.. i hate this computer..
btw, here are a few new poems i've written; i don't like them that much.. the first one: Nothing can be brought back ..........not even the clean rain ..........from misty mountains ..........and untouched forests. The lost must be grieved ..........time gives perspective ..........understanding maybe ..........but never healing. Not even my thoughts can be washed clean anymore.
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09-04-2004, 07:09 AM | #235 |
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While he is sitting in his
private jetplane ..........he’s writing songs about ..........the extinction of the rain forests. While he is filling up his 50 metre pool ..........he’s planning a fund ..........to provide Africans with clean water. While he is watching the bird dancing at sunset ..........he’s wondering what life is ..........if this is all. For now only his eyes can see. No longer can he be saved.
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09-04-2004, 07:13 AM | #236 |
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..and the last one:
Suddenly I felt so old. I just couldn’t hate anymore. My anger and ferocity had gone to a place I no longer could find. I just listened to the young girls ..........giggling and chewing and remembered it all for the first time. I only felt sorrow the pain behind the chewing the loneliness behind the laughter. I sat all alone and realised that I have never been as loved as I am now. ..........Old, alone and loved.
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09-05-2004, 11:10 PM | #237 |
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those are good! the first two aren't as good as the last one though. i really like the first part:
"My anger and ferocity "had gone to a place I no longer could find..." very cool!
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09-06-2004, 03:21 AM | #238 |
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Some excellent writing, Nerdanel . I really like how you kept the rhythm flowing so smoothly.
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09-07-2004, 09:34 AM | #239 |
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thank you! i don't like the second one though.. but i decided to put it there anyway!
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09-27-2004, 10:56 PM | #240 |
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A Different Shade of Blue
I look in the mirror. As I brush away the curtain of my almost-black hair, - almost black; not brown, darker, but not true midnight. That's what I get for being indecisive - the paleness of my skin shocks me; a startling whiteness marred by my freckled hawk's nose and pink strawberry lips. I study intently the lines of my brow, the set of my mouth, but then I catch sight of my eyes. And I can't help but wonder: is their deep blueness seen as welcoming, friendly pools? or cold, harsh ice? EDIT:i like this one, but i don't like the last verse; any ideas of how to clean that part up?
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