What would you do? heh heh heh . . .

[hiku747]

from one of my friends i found out that viggo mortensen used to live in watertown and his parents still do. watertown is about an hour away from me. so my sister and my fellow lotr fanatic friend and i devised a plan to drive up to watertown, let the air out of my tires, somehow end up in front of viggo rent's driveway, have no cell phone to call for help, then attempt to change my flat tire but not have a jack. so then we would have to go to viggo rent's house and knock on the door and ask for help then become best friends with him then meet elijah wood, orlando bloom, and everyone else and hang out all the time. *sigh* but then he left back for hollywood so we didnt get to do this wonderful plan of ours.

[Gerbil]

Gerbil just thinks all men should be comfortable with sexual-related things or they're gay. Typical of him to stereotype his own gender.

Careful, if my boyfriend hears you say that about me...
And it's only typical of me to stereotype my own gender insofar as to me anything and everything is a valid target of ridicule

Personally, I think Elijah isn't comfortable with it because (please forgive me, dear FrodoFriend!) he might have a girlfriend, or might've had one at the time he said that, or would rather kiss a girl because he wants to and not have a director tell him he has to. Catch my drift, shorty?

*shrugs* Everyone has preferences. Perhaps, and I'm sure I speak utter heresy here, perhaps he knows he wouldn't be any good at it? I wish more actors knew their limitations before ruining parts in films with bad performances.

[Gerbil]

My plan was to become a rich alcoholic and bump into Liv Tyler in the Betty Ford clinic, and tell her to sort out her acting before piggy-backing her way to fame on a series of fantastic films.

Yup, even my dreams are weird...

[Rána Eressëa]

(Many months after the destruction of the One Ring...)

(Aldesign is happily married to Liv Tyler *not Arwen!* and the two are out shopping at the Mall...)

Liv: Oh, Aldesign, I love this dress! Do you think it's beautiful or what? [poses in the short slender black dress she's trying on]
Aldesign: Everything looks beautiful on you... [begins drooling]
Liv: Would you stop doing that? You act more like a child than a husband!
Aldesign: [wipes away drool] Sorry.

(Meanwhile, in the lingerie department nearby...)

Brollum: Ooh! This is perfect for precioussss!!!

(Meanwhile, in the girl's clothing department nearby...)

FrodoFriend: [squeals] Look at these rhinestoned jeans! I love them!
Frodo #1: They're all shiny... [stares in wonderment]
Sam: And look, I've found a heart print shirt!
Frodo #2: [blinks] What happened to good ol' fashioned tunics?

(Meanwhile, in the Bath & Body department nearby...)

Rogue Elf: Lavender....or Peaches?
Frodo #3: Peaches.

(Meanwhile, in the men's department nearby...)

Churl: Goodness gracious, Tesseract, look at these laaarrrgggeee boxers! Don't they have any in my size?

(In the boy's department across the aisle...)

Tesseract: [frowns] Maybe you should check out boy's clothing and I should check out men's.

(Meanwhile, in the nightgown department nearby...)

Wayfarer: Martha, don't you think this is my color? [twirls around in a purple robe]
Martha: Maybe you should try yellow...

(Meanwhile, back in the Bath & Body department nearby...)

Jerseydevil: Aromatherapy...hmm...you think it'd be in here...

(Jerseydevil wonders around and bumps into two short people.)

Jerseydevil: Oh, I'm sorry! [looks down and gasps] Why, if it isn't Rogue Elf & Frodo #3! How are you two doing?
Rogue Elf: Great!
Frodo #3: [hides the liquid soap from Jerseydevil's eyes] Yeah! Just.... [fiddles with bottle behind his back] ...peachy. [smiles]
Rogue Elf: [forces on a smile and secretly grabs the Peach-scented liquid soap from Frodo #3] So, what's up with you, Jersey?
Jerseydevil: Heeeyy...what was that?

(Jerseydevil twirls Rogue Elf around and sees the bottle. He gasps and snatches it from her.)

Jerseydevil: What are you two doing with Peach-scented liquid bathing soap?!
Rogue Elf & Frodo #3: [glance down shamefully at the floor]
Jerseydevil: [gasps with horror] You two need a father figure! From now on, I'm officially adopting both of you!
Rogue Elf: [gasps!] NO!!!
Frodo #3: We promise we'll never do it again!!!
Jerseydevil: [lifting his eyebrows] Again??

(Meanwhile, in a restroom nearby...)

Brollum: Oh, yess, preciousss gets this for free!!! Free, free, free!!! [giggles inanely]

(Meanwhile, in the silverware department nearby...)

Galadriel: Honey, quick! Pick a new spoon already! We must check out their new bird baths!
Hugo: Shh! I must concentrate... [waches the scene in the Bath & Body department through one of the spoons] Eh heh heh heh heh...this is so amusing! [twitches]

(As all our lovable characters are innocently shopping, an alarm in the building goes off and all the lights are cut out...)

[Gerbil]

Nice
But I thought I was the pervert here? Don't make me redundant please!

[Rána Eressëa]

Eh, pervert? *looks confused*

Ohhhhh...the Peach-scented liquid bathing soap....

Oops. *grows silent*

I swear it's for educational purposes only!

[Gerbil]

Quite
I hope you are a bit about now!

[Rána Eressëa]

Oh, I've gotta ask...who commits suicide at the end of "The Ice Storm"? I'd like to know the answer to that.

By the way, someone better continue on with what I wrote!

[jerseydevil]

I don't give away endings - even when asked - sorry. But as far as I know - no one commits suicide.

[Rána Eressëa]

No one? Hmm...that reviewer lied then... *grumbles* cheap bastards... *cheers up* anyways, then what's the dramatic twist at the end? Something to with death, I think, but I'm not sure.

[jerseydevil]

You'll just have to see the movie. My keyboard is sealed.

By the way - a while ago there was a satirical book out based on The Lord of the Rings. In the book, the Mirror of Galadriel chapter was turned into Galadriel seducing Frodo. I can't remember the name of the book or even if it's available any more. I guess I should have gotten it when I had the chance.

[Rána Eressëa]

That's it, you suck as an adoptive father. I'm running away! Oh yeah, and I'm taking Frodo #3 with me.


P.S. -- That Galadriel/Frodo thing sounds rather awkward, if you know what I mean

[jerseydevil]

Don't leave yet. If you're really good I may tell you. But we'll just have to see. You really should see the the movie - if I just tell you it'll destroy it for you. I'm really looking after your own best interests here - honestly.

[Gerbil]

By the way - a while ago there was a satirical book out based on The Lord of the Rings. In the book, the Mirror of Galadriel chapter was turned into Galadriel seducing Frodo. I can't remember the name of the book or even if it's available any more. I guess I should have gotten it when I had the chance.

Err Bored of the Rings I think. Ask Bro - I think it's him that has the occasional quote from the book in his sig.

[jerseydevil]

i thougth that's what it might be. I've seen bropous's sig - but I wasn't sure if that was the book I was thinking of.

[FrodoFriend]

Gerbil - nope, have not read Misery, but I have a small collection of other SK books.
Bored of the Rings! I've been trying to get a copy! But since I never leave the house except to go to school, it's a bit difficult.

Peach scented? Peach? You could at LEAST pick raspberry or something. And don't tell me you forgot the honey-scented Herbal Essences shampoo as well!! (Yes . . . oh, yes!)

I respect him all the more for that!

Moi aussi!! I don't know, Rogue, I wouldn't really want to watch him in sexual scenes. They're sorta boring.

[Gerbil]

Gerbil - nope, have not read Misery, but I have a small collection of other SK books.

It's about a mad fan who takes the author hostage so he can write a new book where the characters do exactly what she wants them to do.

As I mentioned before, no idea why it sprang to mind.

[samwise of the shire]

LOL
I dont think that Elijah Wood has EVER had a girlfriend, either he's gay(PLEASE no.We need to have SOME movie stars in Hollywood who are'nt attracted to their own gender)or else he grew up more sheltered then most movie stars in Hollywood and isn't as used to other things that other actors and actresses are used to...like kissing scenes.
Hey does anyone here want to help me with a fan letter to Elijah Wood? Or do we want to make rough drafts and send them to him at the same time and post our ideas up here?
Just and idea
Sam

[Gerbil]

I don't think it's that a lot of Hollywood people are homosexual, just that it's 'cool' and 'now' to say you dabble in same-sex shenannigans. Virtually identical to lipstick-lesbians in the US. If I meet another american girl who says she is bi-sexual because of a single encounter with a woman, I'll, I'll ..... errr dunno. Probably I'll just not be interested and tell her to bugger off.

But he must be gay. Inexperience isn't an excuse. If I didn't know how to kiss, I'd certainly want to learn with some of the prettier ladies from Hollywood. That's if shorty Elijah can reach their mouths over their silicon-enhanced chest, naturally.

[Rána Eressëa]

Ack! You don't like peach? *smacks FF upside the back of the head* What's wrong with you?!

Plus, if you're old and wise like Gerbil you would realize-- *pauses* Oh, wait, I better not say that. Gerbil knows what I'm talking about, though, don't cha?

As for the shampoo...Jerseydevil intervened before I could get some...

Originally posted by jerseydevil
Don't leave yet. If you're really good I may tell you. But we'll just have to see. You really should see the the movie - if I just tell you it'll destroy it for you. I'm really looking after your own best interests here - honestly.

Oh, alright...we'll stay. But I can't rent the movie anytime soon so it'll be a long time before I can see it and that sucks, so I really don't see why you just can't tell me.