05-16-2003, 08:33 AM | #221 |
The Elven Queen Of All Pyros
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Im like a little bug stuck in the lamp...never going anywhere
Posts: 795
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hehe..no they're funny
my friend has a really strict catholic mom..so im going to tell her the priest one
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Would you judge my future based on what i did in the past? Procrastinators Unite!!!.....tomorrrow.... Kids in backseats cause accidents...accidents in backseats cause kids As long as there are tests..there will be prayers in school |
05-16-2003, 10:00 AM | #222 |
Corruptor
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Jozi SA
Posts: 1,885
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Magic
(OK L_F_A, here's another, seems I can't help myself)
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so he did the same tricks over and over again. One problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show: "Look, it's not the same hat!" Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table." "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?" The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another. Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back: "OK, I give up, where's the f***ing ship?"
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Don't wet yourself with excitement. |
05-16-2003, 12:20 PM | #223 |
Enting
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Rivendell :-)
Posts: 68
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Oh, that's good! You might have said this one but here goes:
A nun walks into the room: Mother, I have sinned. Mother: What have you done? Nun 1: I have stolen. Mother: Go cleanse yourself in the holy water So the nun goes and cleanses herself in the holy water. A 2nd nun walks into the room: Mother, I have sinned. Mother: What have you done? Nun 2: I have murdered. Mother: Go cleanse yourself in the holy water So the 2nd nun goes and cleanses herself in the holy water. A 3rd nun walks into the room: Mother, I have sinned. Mother: What have you done? Nun 3: I have peed in the holy water.
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As I look into the sky and sit and watch the stars I think of you. I wonder if you remember me the way I was or the way I am now. I know I will always keep a place for you in my heart. Even though the shadows fall and the darkness enters you will always be with me. I remember one thing about you. Your eyes. I used to look in them like pools of blue water. I could stare at them forever like the dark blue sky on a cloudy night. As I sit here still watching the stars I think of you, but the one thing I remember is your eyes. |
05-16-2003, 11:21 PM | #224 |
The Elven Queen Of All Pyros
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Im like a little bug stuck in the lamp...never going anywhere
Posts: 795
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aw....we already heard this one
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Would you judge my future based on what i did in the past? Procrastinators Unite!!!.....tomorrrow.... Kids in backseats cause accidents...accidents in backseats cause kids As long as there are tests..there will be prayers in school |
05-16-2003, 11:26 PM | #225 |
The Elven Queen Of All Pyros
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Im like a little bug stuck in the lamp...never going anywhere
Posts: 795
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One hungry Bush...
One day George W. Bush and Dick Cheney walk into a diner. A waitress walks up to them and asks if she can take their order. Bush leans close to her and says, "Honey, can I have a quickie?" The waitress is appalled and yells at the President about women's rights and storms away. Cheney then says to Bush, "George, its pronounced 'quiche'."
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Would you judge my future based on what i did in the past? Procrastinators Unite!!!.....tomorrrow.... Kids in backseats cause accidents...accidents in backseats cause kids As long as there are tests..there will be prayers in school |
05-16-2003, 11:56 PM | #226 |
Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Thomas Aquinas College, Santa Paula, CA
Posts: 10,820
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Rush Limbaugh once went out with one of the Roosevelts (don't remember which one, he wasn't in office). When the butler came, he said, "What would you like to eat, sir?"
Limbaugh said, "I'll have the biggest, reddest, juiciest steak you have." "And for the vegetable, sir?" "He'll have the same."
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Crux fidelis, inter omnes arbor una nobilis. Nulla talem silva profert, fronde, flore, germine. Dulce lignum, dulce clavo, dulce pondus sustinens. 'With a melon?' - Eric Idle |
05-17-2003, 05:21 PM | #227 |
The Buddy Rabbit
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Trapped in the headlights..
Posts: 3,372
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05-17-2003, 05:40 PM | #228 |
Greatest Elven woman of Aman
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Having way too much fun with Fëanor's 7
Posts: 4,285
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LOL!
Garfield is da cat.
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--Life is hard, and then we die. |
05-17-2003, 05:44 PM | #229 |
Entmoot Attorney-General,
Equilibrating the Scales of Justice, Administrator ♎ Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Posts: 3,891
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I love Garfield! Jim Davis is a genius!
Coney, that was the funniest post I've seen today
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An unwritten post is a delightful universe of infinite possibilities. Set down one word, however, and it immediately becomes earthbound. Set down one sentence and it’s halfway to being just like every other bloody entry that’s ever been written. ☻ |
05-17-2003, 05:54 PM | #230 |
The Buddy Rabbit
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Trapped in the headlights..
Posts: 3,372
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Ya gotta love the fat cat!
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05-17-2003, 06:16 PM | #231 |
The Buddy Rabbit
Join Date: Oct 2002
Location: Trapped in the headlights..
Posts: 3,372
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One more quick one........
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05-17-2003, 07:16 PM | #232 |
Elf Lord
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 516
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Haven't read all 12 pages, so maybe these have been posted. Also, my apologies to anyone belonging to a labor union.
1) How many Teamsters does it take to change a lightbulb? Ten. You gotta problem with that? 2) What were the last words Jesus said to the Teamsters before he ascended to heaven after his resurrection? Don't do a thing 'til I get back. 3) Two Teamsters, Joe and Mike, are walking down the street. All of a sudden Joe stops and crushes a snail with his boot. Mike cries: Hey! What'd ya do that for? Joe replies: Damn snail's been following me around all day!
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Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it. George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) |
05-17-2003, 07:28 PM | #233 |
Enting
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Rivendell :-)
Posts: 68
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HAHAHAHAHA! ILMAO!!!!! LOL! HAHAHAHA!!!!!!! HEHEHEHEHE! HILARIOUS!!!!!!!! HAHAHAHA!
I don't get it...
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As I look into the sky and sit and watch the stars I think of you. I wonder if you remember me the way I was or the way I am now. I know I will always keep a place for you in my heart. Even though the shadows fall and the darkness enters you will always be with me. I remember one thing about you. Your eyes. I used to look in them like pools of blue water. I could stare at them forever like the dark blue sky on a cloudy night. As I sit here still watching the stars I think of you, but the one thing I remember is your eyes. |
05-18-2003, 04:33 PM | #234 |
Canadian Guy.
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: The true North Strong and Free
Posts: 1,513
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lazy teamsters. i wanna be one
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"Canadians are so apathetic, but, what are you gonna do about it" -Glen Foster Wierd Harry Potter quotes the old nintendo duck hunt game Lemmings Swron Random Homer Simpson Quotes |
05-18-2003, 11:16 PM | #235 |
Hobbit
Join Date: May 2003
Location: USA
Posts: 20
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remake of old joke
What do you call 10000 orcs at the bottom of the ocean ???
A pretty good start Old joke with a tolkien twist
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time is money .... money isnt everything .... therefore time isnt everything .... time is relative ...... therefore money is relative .... ouch this hurts www.medievia.com |
05-21-2003, 03:50 AM | #236 |
Corruptor
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Jozi SA
Posts: 1,885
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Olaf ont Inga
Olaf took Inga home with him and took off his shirt.
Inga says, "Olaf dat's some chest you haff dare." Olaf says, "Inga, dat's a hunnert seventy pounds of dynamite." Next he took off his pants. Inga says, "Olaf dat's nice calves you haff dare." Olaf says, "Inga dat's a hunnert seventy pounds of dynamite." Olaf quickly reached down and pulled off his underpants..... Inga screamed and ran out the door. Olaf put his clothes back on and ran after her. Catching her, Olaf said, "Inga, viy did you run out like dat?" Inga said, "Vith all dat dynamite around, I taught it vas going to explode ven I saw da short fuse!"
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Don't wet yourself with excitement. |
05-21-2003, 09:53 AM | #237 |
Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Thomas Aquinas College, Santa Paula, CA
Posts: 10,820
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An old man lived alone in Ireland. He wanted to dig his potato garden,
but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison for bank robbery. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his predicament. Shortly, he received this reply, "For HEAVEN'S SAKE Dad, don't dig up that garden, that's where I buried the Money!" At 4 A.M. the next morning, a dozen policemen showed up and dug up the entire garden, without finding any money. Confused, the old man wrote another note to his son telling him what happened, and asking him what to do next. His son's reply was: "Now plant your potatoes, Dad. It's the best I could do from here."
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Crux fidelis, inter omnes arbor una nobilis. Nulla talem silva profert, fronde, flore, germine. Dulce lignum, dulce clavo, dulce pondus sustinens. 'With a melon?' - Eric Idle |
05-29-2003, 06:14 AM | #238 |
Corruptor
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Jozi SA
Posts: 1,885
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Wabbit ('specially for Coney ;))
A little girl walks into a pet shop and asks in the sweetest little lisp: "Excuthe me, mithter, do you keep wittle wabbits?"
The shopkeeper gets down on his knees and asks: "Do you want a wittle white wabby or a soft and fuwwy black wabby or maybe one like that cute wittle brown wabby over there?" The little girl puts her hands on her knees, leans forward and says in a quiet voice: ...."I don't fink my pyfon weally gives a sh*t." (sorry - just had to bump the thread, ye can ignore it again from now)
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Don't wet yourself with excitement. |
05-29-2003, 06:24 AM | #239 |
Fair Dinkum
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 2,319
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10 Ways to irritate everyone at your workplace
1. Page yourself over the intercom. Don’t disguise your voice.
2. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. This is especially effective if your boss is of a different gender than you. 3. Make up nicknames for all your co-workers and refer to them only by these names. “That’s a good point, Sparky.” “No, I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to disagree with you there, Cha-Cha.” 4. Hi-lite your shoes. Tell people you haven’t lost them as much since you did this. 5. Hang mosquito netting around your cubicle. When you emerge to get coffee or a printout or whatever, slap yourself randomly the whole way. 6. Put a chair facing a printer. Sit there all day and tell people you’re waiting for your document. 7. Every time someone asks you to do something, anything, ask them if they want fries with that. 8. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronised chair-dancing. 9. Feign an unnatural and hysterical fear of staplers. 10. Send email messages saying there’s free pizza or cake in the lunchroom. When people drift back to work complaining that they’ve found none, lean back, pat your stomach and say, “Oh, you’ve got to be faster than that!” Last edited by Linaewen : 05-29-2003 at 06:27 AM. |
06-05-2003, 07:12 PM | #240 |
Half-Elven Princess of Rabbit Trails and Harp-Wielding Administrator (beware the Rubber Chicken of Doom!)
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Not where I want to be ...
Posts: 15,254
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Ya just can't win....
I heard this joke the other day and thought it was hilarious!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------- The Pope is visiting DC and President Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac...sailing on the presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They're admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the water. Secret service guys start to launch a boat, but Bush waves them off, saying, "Wait, wait. I'll take care of this. Don't worry." Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Holy Father's little hat, bends over and picks it up, then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard. He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence. The next morning, the Washington Post carries a story, with front page photos, of the event. The banner headline is "Bush Can't Swim." ---------------------------------------------------------------------------------
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. I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva! Last edited by Rían : 06-05-2003 at 07:14 PM. |
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