Some Poems

[Rosie Gamgee]

Originally posted by Nerdanel
Thanks for the response, Rosie Gamgee, Beruthiel's cat and Lady Ravyn! It really helps to hear your thoughts! Don't be afraid to say what you think; I'm not that sensitive.

That's good, because I have the tact of a sledge hammer- or so my father tells me.

You're welcome.

[Lady Ravyn]

a dark poem for a dark and stormy day...

Breaking Me

Rip the soul
out of my heart
with your
already-bloody hands.

Snap it across
your knee
like a green stick-
while i pray that
my splinters
stick into your flesh.

Trample my essence
'til it's raw and tired,
then put it on the table
and begin your dirty work.

Mold me like
so much play-dough,
like a viscous clay
you dug from the ground;

shape me to
your ideals
'til there's nothing left
of my former self.

ANd will you smile when your done?
Will you applaud
at how well
I've turned out?

I hope so-
something should
drown me out-

For breaking my spirit
won't stop me
from screaming.

[Nerdanel]

A touching poem, Lady Ravyn. The short lines are very effective; it gives a strong feeling.

Nice to read one of your poems again, Lady!

[Lady Ravyn]

thanx! i haevn't written one in a while, but an argueme- i mean, a debate ( :P ) with my uncle the other day led to this little poem. glad you liked it!
now we need one of yours again!

[Nerdanel]

(I just had to try one of these icons! )

Ok, here's one, originally written in Swedish. I translated it very fast, so I don't even know if it can be understood correctly in English. But well, I'll give it a try:

At times I love her
when she comes to bed
and shares her warmth.

At times I hate her
when she leaves me
alone in the cold.

In spite of
my passion for her,
she barely knows
I exist.

That’s the inequity of a mite’s life.

[Lady Ravyn]

Originally posted by Nerdanel
(I just had to try one of these icons! )

Ok, here's one, originally written in Swedish. I translated it very fast, so I don't even know if it can be understood correctly in English. But well, I'll give it a try:

At times I love her
when she comes to bed
and shares her warmth.

At times I hate her
when she leaves me
alone in the cold.

But despite my strong feelings for her
she barely knows I exist.

That’s the inequity of a mite’s life.

really good! i especially like the last line. but the second and third to last lines are a little...awkward. i think you might try:

In spite of
my passion for her,
she barely knows
I exist.

hope ya don't mind the crit!

[Nerdanel]

Of course I don't mind! It's great that you put that much effort into reading my poems, that you can critizise!

And as you might see, I've edited the poem. Hope you don't mind that I steal your line, but it just suited the poem so well! Tell me if you don't want me to use your example, but now you're a part of my writings..

Thanks so much!

[Lady Ravyn]

oh yay! you liked it! sure you can use it; that's why i posted it- for you to use if ya liked it!
and your welcome for the crit; i like taking the time to analyze other people's poetry because that's what i like people to do to mine
speaking of which, i have to start writing again; i've been so busy i have hardly had any time to moot!

[Nerdanel]

>>>>>>>>>Tonight
a stone of rain
and golden lightning
came through
my narrow front door.

A visit from a world
far beyond the darkest
of lost stars.

>>>>>>>>>This morning
never entered this world
of splintered rocks.

My door was closed.

[Lady Ravyn]

wow, nerd! that was awesome! i have nothing to add! i tyhink that's my favorite poem you've posted yet!

[Nerdanel]

Thanks, LR! I'm really glad you liked it!

[Lady Ravyn]

wrote this the other day...

View From A Raindrop

I want to wrap myself
in a raindrop,
and let my watery blanket
distort my view of reality.

Catch me in your palm,
instead of letting me
shatter on the ground
and be trampled by unkind shoes.

Drop me in a glass
so I am safe and sheltered-
at times experience is over-rated,
and the world too big and threatenting.

[Nerdanel]

I feel like that sometimes too, LR. Beautiful poem.

[Lady Ravyn]

thanx. my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer a couple months ago and it's been hard on everyone. she went through surgery a little over a month ago, and in two weeks she starts kemo therapy. tomorrow i go to help her buy a wig, which is a little surreal for me... this whole thing has been surreal, actually, but whaever. i wrote that in one of those times when i wish i was five again and didn't know anything about anything

[Nerdanel]

I'm really sorry to hear that, LR. Hopefully she'll be alright!

I understand that it must feel surreal, but try to find her a really nice one.

It's amazing how the most frightening experiences can turn into beautiful poetry.

[Lady Ravyn]

aw, thanx ner *hugz* i really appreciate the positive thoughts. i'm sure she'll be fine, too, but we still need all the prayers and good vibes that we can get

[Rûdhaglarien]

I have not been here in a long, long while. And so, I'm not exactly sure that I belong here anymore, since I never really did. But, anyway. This is the first poem that I've written in a long, long while. It used to be (last year, at least) that I would write poems and stories and paragraphs and blurbs, even, constantly. But, lately, that's been gone. So, here it goes.

"Salt in a Wound"

I could kiss you good-night,
but it's already morning,
and the sea's run away with my heart, anyway

the tide captured my love
in its salt-caked song;
it stole my breath, so what choice have I, really

where the cliffs above the water touch the sky
and they kiss the bright blue good morning, every night
so, I want to be just like them

in my seashell'd sand castle --
with four walls and a moat --
I wrote songs and authored stories of all that I could never know

because even though the sand dunes reach to the horizon,
I can never reach the sunset...
my mortal fingertips will never touch such watercoulour'd beauty

and, though the beach makes me sad,
I return with undying devotion,
to a world that stole my breath, and drowned my heart in its ocean.//

The paragraphs aligned to the right and in red were written along the same lines, but a week or so after the original piece was constructed. So, I know that they belong, but I haven't a clue where. Disregard them completely for the time being, I suppose.

[elven dragonrider]

Originally Posted by elvendrummer87

Human race (the)

We are all slaves to humanity.

Our schedule is our ball and chain
The clock is the whip against our backs
And our overseer is money.

The sad thing
Is that we all form
Each others walls.

On the first page I know, but I thought the last 2 lines were beautiful.
Here is a peom I wrote a couple days ago, its verses are off and it needs some work, but I like it as a rough draft.

How do I know when


How do I know when,
To go out on my own,
To leave the beaten path,
To face the unknown.

How do I know when,
To venture out through peril,
To leave the traveled trail,
To know that I might fail.

How do I know when,
That I’ve grown too old,
To be just sitting around,
My excuses are not sound.

How do I know when,
I should face the world,
When I could forget, to my woe,
And just let things go.

I should know when by now,
I should know how to travel.
No matter how hard the terrain,
Or how slippery the gravel.

I should know when know,
How the world I should face,
For life starts with a base,
And I need to make the second step.

I’ll have to take a risk,
I’ll watch out, but I might slip.
Trouble, I might have some,
But at least I won’t be a bum.

[faerie_child]

It's really great- until those last two lines... They irk me... it takes an advice giving poem and makes it sound... silly. I really really like the whole thing until those two lines.

[elven dragonrider]

I agree, I will try to work on that.