03-14-2008, 02:25 PM | #1 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Wandering in circles until they become triangles
Posts: 292
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Discussion For "Red Eyed Assassin"
Alright, here it is. Please leave all coments and criticism for the story here! If you're reading, I hope you take the time to tell me what you think!
Disclaimer: This story is in no way about me or anyone I know... Any resemblance you might find to real life events should be discussed with your own personal psychiatrist Thank you and enjoy! |
03-14-2008, 06:27 PM | #2 |
Elf Lady
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In the lands where mountains are but a fairytale
Posts: 8,588
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Very good Tuinor! Easy to follow.
I would just like to point out that in the chapter Exile, where you introduce Aldnar, it was a bit difficult to understand who got introduced. The guard gives a box to Tuinor, then you throw in the name Aldnar and at first I thought you were introducing guard #1 who was arguing with guard #2. Only after reading it a few times, I figured out that you meant to name the 3rd person. But perhaps natives will read it differently. Looking forward to the more!!!
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Love always, deeply and true ★ Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. ★ Friendship is sharing openly, laughing often, trusting always, caring deeply.
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03-15-2008, 01:02 PM | #3 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Wandering in circles until they become triangles
Posts: 292
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Thanks for the criticism, Mari! I've gone back and altered that part you had trouble with; hopefully no one else will have the same problem! That was my bad. Sometimes I write too fast and get ahead of myself, especially when I'm excited.
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03-15-2008, 01:05 PM | #4 | ||
Elf Lady
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In the lands where mountains are but a fairytale
Posts: 8,588
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Some minor spelling mistakes:
Quote:
Quote:
Another great chapter. Yay!
__________________
Love always, deeply and true ★ Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. ★ Friendship is sharing openly, laughing often, trusting always, caring deeply.
...The Earth laughs in flowers ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Hamatreya"... |
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03-20-2008, 06:09 PM | #5 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
Posts: 4,674
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This is great. Like Mari said, it's easy to follow. Its great, Tunior. Keep it up.
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
03-20-2008, 11:14 PM | #6 |
Kraken King
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Under the sea
Posts: 2,714
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I've been waiting for this for some time, T man. And my hopes are NOT dashed to the rocks of dissapointment. A resounding YES for you my friend. YES.
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One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons |
03-25-2008, 05:26 PM | #7 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
Posts: 4,674
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Is this the one you said you were entering into that contest?
You know, now I can't steal, I mean, borrow your name for a character of mine like I did with another Mooter
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
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