Gays, lesbians, bisexuals, PART II

[sisterandcousinandaunt]

It's so different for woman, though. If you're a guy, and there's a picture of you on myspace with your tongue in a guy's ear, you'd better be prepared to have people think you're gay. If you're a woman, though... half (or more) of the gals doing that are only trying to look hot to MEN.

Sexual activity doesn't define you. And people make choices all the time about sex that have nothing to do with "desire," and even less than that to do with love. They have sex to create closeness. They have it as a gift. They have it as sweaty exercise. People engage in behavior that society defines as sexual without sorting out their motivations at all. Then they sober up, or take a shower, and spend some fruitless hours, or days, or years, trying to select a label that explains sexually what isn't really sexual at all.

I don't think the labels are really helpful, after a point. Anne Frank isn't remembered as a "great lesbian heroine" because her story edited some fantasies that might have gotten her typed there, but more importantly, because the central themes of her narrative aren't really related to her sex life. When we talk about "gay" or "straight" in someone's life (even our own) we've already decided to prioritize something as a characteristic that may be no more essentially about who we are than 'knobby-kneed' . I'm really convinced that that winds up to be a negative thing.

The only polite and appropriate question about sexual preference (IMO) is "Does yours include me?" If the answer is "no", what difference does it matter whether that's because you don't, on the whole, fancy my gender, or because you like people who are shorter?