One Ring Ownership Legal Issue and my Response

[patentcad]

>>LOTR legal dilemma for lawyers and lawyer-wannabees

This is my paraphrasing of a legal issue posed on the Entmoot forum. I think it's kinda cool so thought I'd pose it here.

Sauron forges the One Ring.

In a battle, Isildur cuts the Ring off of Sauron and takes it for himself.

While riding through a forest some time later, Isildur is attacked by Orcs. He jumps into a nearby river, the Ring falls off his finger and sinks, after which Isildur is shot.

Deagol finds the ring.

Smeagol (Gollum) kills Deagol and takes the Ring for himself.

Gollum loses the ring.

Bilbo finds the Ring, misleads and/or doesn't tell Gollum about it, and keeps it for himself.

Bilbo gives the Ring to Frodo c/o Gandalf.

Frodo lends the Ring to Tom Bombadil for a few minutes, takes it off briefly in Rivendell, is given it back by Elrond, takes it toward Mordor, gets bit by Shelob, after which Sam removes it from his unconcious body.

Some time after that, Sam gives the Ring back to Frodo.

Frodo carries the Ring right up to Mount Doom. Then Gollum steals it back.

Almost immediately thereafter, Gollumn falls into the lava pit of Doom, destroying the Ring.

After the Ring is destroyed, the creditors and heirs of Sauron, Isildur, Deagol, Smeagol, Bilbo, Frodo, Gandalf, Elrond, and Sam initiate a legal battle for compensation for the Ring.

1. Who had legal title to - i.e., owned - the Ring at the time of its destruction?

2. Who owes who what (if any) damages?<<

My response:

This one is easy. Goldeberry, Tom Bombadil's wife, learns that Bombadil is really gay. Did anyone ever doubt this - he prances through the friggin woods singing 'Hey dolly dell o derry hey dolly doo' with flowers in his damn hair. Totally gay.Not that there's anything wrong with that.

Goldeberry sues Bombadil for divorce. After initially attempting to trick Bombadil into a trip to Bree for a quickee no-fault divorce, she realizes that she'll have to file in Gondor District Court in Minas Tirith. She hires the firm of Brandybuck & Took to represent her. They claim the One Ring as part of the Community Property and seek half. In a brilliant end around, Brandybuck argues that since the Ring never could have been 'rendered asunder by any means we then possessed' it is obvious that a deal has to be worked out whereby Goldeberry gets the entire ring. Bombadil represents himself in court and so aggravates the judge that he bascially gives Goldeberry everything, including ownership rights of the One Ring.

This may seem meaningless since the Ring is now destroyed, but under Middle Earth juris prudence Goldeberry can command royalties any time any spoken recounting of the feats involving the One Ring are engaged in in any public venue like Taverns and public feasts. The One Ring stories go into big time syndication, and Goldeberry reaps huge financial rewards for the rest of her life. Bombadil, dejected and lonely after discovering his true sexual identity, wonders aimlessly through the gay taverns of Bree, makes his way to the abandoned West Gate of Moria where he meets a band of dwarves who have come to reclaim their former underground kingdom. Bombadil has a brief fling with Gimli's second cousin Himli whose short stature has obvious benefits for Bombadil. Homosexuality is a non issue in the Dwarf community since the men and women all look alike anyway (per Gimli's own admission in the extended version of Two Towers). Eventually Bombadil is cast out of Moria after he insists on redecorating to 'Bring some light into this friggin dungeon'. That's bad enough, but his 'Haven't you ever heard of 'window treatments' you pathetic little elves' line is the last straw, and Bombadil is thrown out of the East Gate by Himli himself.

What happens to Bombadil after this is unclear; it is widely rumored that he becomes a frequent and successful guest speaker on the rubber boar's head circuit. He writes a brilliant autobiography but dies frustrated waiting for somebody in Middle Earth to finally invent the friggin printing press.

(posted by me yesterday on The Gear Page)