Polictical Correctness

[jerseydevil]

PC PRIMER

Q: WHAT IS P.C.?
PC stands for Politically Correct. We of the Politically Correct philosophy believe in increasing a tolerance for a DIVERSITY of cultures, race, gender, ideology and alternate lifestyles. Political Correctness is the only social and morally acceptable outlook. Anyone who disagrees with this philosophy is bigoted, biased, sexist, and/or closed-minded.

Q: WHY SHOULD I BE PC?
Being PC is fun. PCism is not just an attitude, it is a way of life! PC offers the satisfaction of knowing that you are undoing the social evils of centuries of oppression.

Q: I AM A WHITE MALE. CAN I STILL BE PC?
Sure. You just have to feel very guilty.

Q: WHY?
If you are a white male, your ancestors were responsible for practically every injustice in the world- slavery, war, genocide and plaid sportscoats. That means that YOU are partially responsible for these atrocities. Now it is time to balance the scales of justice for the descendants of those individuals whose ancestors your ancestors pushed down.

Q: HOW?
It's simple. You've got to be careful what you say, what you think, and what you do. You just don't want to offend anyone.

Q: YOU MEAN I SHOULD GUARD AGAINST OFFENDING ANYONE?
That's right. Being offensive is destructive, and will not make the world a harmonious utopia, like in John Lennon's IMAGINE.

Q: HOW ELSE CAN I BE PC?
Oh, there are lots of ways. For example, why buy regular ice cream when you can buy "Rain Forest Crunch?" Segrega..whoops..separate all of your garbage into different containers: glass, metal, white paper, blue paper, plastic, etc. Make sure that all your make-up has not been tested on animals. Try to find at least sixty ways to use your water; when you take a shower, brush your teeth at the same time. Then don't let the water go down the drain, use it to irrigate your lawn. Or better yet, replace your lawn with a vegetable garden. Don't use aerosol. And by all means, don't burn or deface our flag. Remember, as a citizen of Canada, your living in God's country.

If you are fortunate enough to know your ethnic heritage, dress the part! Don't do drugs. You should listen to at least one of the following PC musicians: U2, REM, Sinead O'Connor, Sting, or KD Lang.

Harrass people who wear fur coats. Remind them that an innocent baby seal was mercilessly clubbed. Or just yell, "FUR." They hate that. And don't EVER eat meat.

Q: DON'T EAT MEAT? WHY NOT?!
Cows are animals, just like humans are animals. That means that they have rights. When you eat meat, you're oppressing animals!

Q: SO ALL KILLING IS BAD?
No, not always. Sometimes killing can be justified, like in the Persian Gulf. You have to be able to tell when an animal has rights, and when it doesn't.

Q: HOW DO I KNOW WHEN AN ANIMAL HAS RIGHTS?
The general rule is as follows:

IF AN ANIMAL IS RARE, PRETTY, BIG, CUTE, FURRY, HUGGABLE, OR LOVABLE, THEN IT HAS RIGHTS.

Examine the following chart:

      RIGHTS                       NO RIGHTS
     --------                     -----------
      cows                         cockroaches
      cute bunnies                 flies
      dolphins in tuna nets        tuna in tuna nets
      whales                       sharks
      red squirrels                gray squirrels
      owls                         loggers
      harbor seals                 barnacles

Q: WOW. WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO BE PC?
Hug a tree. Rejoice each day in our cultural differences, for they are what gives flavour to our great country. Get in touch with your sexual identity. Check your refrigerator for freon leaks. Subscribe to National Geographic. Search it for neat non-Western cultural traditions and costumes. After you read it, use the paper as an alternate fuel source.

Q: I'M NOT SURE ABOUT ALL OF THIS.
If you are feeling unsure about your motivation, just remember. YOU ARE RIGHT. It's that simple. You are right.

Q: HOW DO I KNOW IF AN ACTION IS UN-PC?
Good question. It's important to know when someone is saying something insensitive so that you can have that person removed from society. The guideline is as follows:

Is the confrontation between two white people? Yes -> The liberal is right. No -> The white person is oppressing the ethnic person.

Remember, many seemingly obvious issues, such as the railroading of Mayor Marion Barry, the Clarence Thomas issue, and the Saint Mary's University Carribean Society shut-down are really race issues.

Q: HOW DO I KNOW IF AN ACTION IS UN-PC?
Good question. It's important to know when someone is saying something insensitive so that you can have that person removed from society. The guideline is as follows:

Is the confrontation between two white people? Yes -> The liberal is right. No -> The white person is oppressing the ethnic person.

Remember, many seemingly obvious issues, such as the railroading of Mayor Marion Barry, the Clarence Thomas issue, and the Saint Mary's University Carribean Society shut-down are really race issues.

Here's a fun practice drill for you: See how many newspaper articles you can make into race bias stories. It's fun! Some PCers are so good they can make the weather report look like a KKK pamphlet!

Q: WHAT SHOULD I DO IF I SEE SOMEONE DO SOMETHING NON-PC?
It all depends on the situation. If you are not in a position of authority, by all means report this activity immediately to whomever is in charge. If your school leader, employer, or superior is hip to the trend of the 90s, she or he will take the necessary steps to have the insensitive offender disciplined.

Q: BUT ISN'T THAT CENSORSHIP?
The Constitution never meant for racism, sexism and insensitivity to be espoused by anyone. That's not what free speech is about. Some call it censorship. PCers call it "selective" speech. Saying something negative about a particular race or gender is just as damaging as, say, punching them in the face. We just can't allow that kind of verbal assault.

Q: I'VE HEARD A LOT ABOUT PC WORDS TO REPLACE "BLACK," "INDIAN." ETC.
Yes. That's part of the PC movement. You see, part of the way we think about people comes directly from the words we use to describe them. Take "black" for instance. Why should a person be judged by the color of their skin?

Q: YOU MEAN THEY SHOULD RATHER BE JUDGED BY THE CONTENT OF THEIR CHARACTER?
No, I mean they should be judged by where their ancestors are from. If your great grandparents are from Africa, or Asia, or wherever, then you should be identified by that fact. You can even apply for special scholarships!