Did Aragorn make the right choice?

Eowyn (pros):
Rich dad
Hot
Puts out
Willing to do housework (unless there's a war on)
Falls for the "hard to get" strategy (Aragorn's preferred tactic)

Arwen (pros):
Rich dad
Hot
Willing to delegate housework
Has funky ears (Aragorn's preferred fetish)

Eowyn (cons):
Unfaithful
Could kick Aragorn's ass
King fetish leading to temporary relationship only
Likes to wear Aragorn's clothes now and again

Arwen (cons):
Overprotective dad (possible "I married a mortal" spite factor)
Immortal (infinite expensive birthday presents)
Likely to remarry in time
Elf (future son might be called "Mongrel Boy son of Aragorn" at school)

Shelob (pros):
Has cool secluded pad.

Shelob (cons):
Fat disgusting spider.
Dead.

*****

Eowyn vs. Arwen (I think Shelob would get eliminated first round). Since LOTR's first print in the 50s sometime academics and scholars have been reclining back in their den chairs, toking on their pipes and screaming like little girls trying to resolve LOTR's oldest mass debate. The great argument "It's all a matter of personal preference" has been refuted with the even greater "Let us have our fun, hippy". So I wish to introduce this age old topic to Entmoot in the name of academic progress, enlightenment, and the hope of a grand old laugh at someone else's expense. I shall clarify the question:

Who should Aragorn have chosen? Arwen or Eowyn?

The precondition of appealing to Aragorn's preferences alone eliminates any subjectivity based on opinion. I have summarised half a century of debate above, by stating the relevant characteristics of each to Aragorn. I'll also refer you to this debate's only known precedent, known here as Exhibit A: "Coming to America", where Prince Azim of Some Made Up African Country faced an almost identical situation, but with more emphasis on the father situation than the relative merits of the two fine young ladies. Some stipulate that "Coming to America" is a valid precedent because the non father-related characteristics of the women cancel each other out. Others argue that "Coming to America" is not an valid precedent because it contains Arsenio Hall, the Prince's father was the most un-Arathornish Darth Vader, and anything from the 80s just plain sucks anyway. Most do agree however, that Eddie Murphy would make an excellent Aragorn.

More to come as time permits. Please join in.

- Originally appeared at www.nightly.net/lotr