Headlines from the year 2029

[Shelob's Hubby]

I recently got a chain e-mail of headlines from the year 2029. I thought of some of my own headlines, and wanted to see what other people could come up with as well. So go ahead and predict the future!

>Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest
country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California.
> White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's
third language.
> Spotted Owl plague threatens northwest United States crops and livestock.
> Baby conceived naturally . . . scientists stumped.
> Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
> Last remaining Fundamentalist Muslin dies in the American Territory of the
Middle East, formally known as Iran, Afghanistan.
> Iraq is still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10
more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
> France pleads for global help after being overtaken by Jamaica.
> Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally,
but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.
> George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
>Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces
mail delivery to Wednesdays only.
> 85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.
> Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.
> Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed,
they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut.
> Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
> Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.
> Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.
> New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly
swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.
> Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political
contributions to campaign accounts.
> IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.
> Florida Democrats still don't know how to use a voting machine.


And I thought of these.

After recovering from his death last month, Bob Barker has announced that he will continue to host The Price is Right for his 58th season running.

In order to raise awareness about the high costs of plastic surgery, Michael Jackson has released his newest album entitled “Six Billion Dollar Man.”

The Prime Minister of Canada, Arnold Shwarzenegger, has announced that he will continue to impose economic sanction against Uruguay because, "They're girly boys."

Scheduled to air this fall on CBS is “Survivor: Manhattan.”

The IOC has decided to hold the 2038 Olympics in the Vatican City.

New evidence is discovered concerning the OJ Simpson trial.