Tolkien Lover Anonymous 3, The Sil(ly)marillion

[Earniel]

*Meanwhile back to the rest of the TLA, trampling through Middle-earth with Morauthien.*

*Ahum*

Eärniel: Now what?

*This is just your overly kind narrator informing you that Finrod is having his swansong right now.*

Eärniel: *panics* What? But-but that's way too quick! We still have to meet with Celegorn and Curufin who'll kidnap Morauthien so that Huan can free her and bring her to Saurokatt's tower!

Morauthien: What? You never mentioned any kidnapping, you said you'd bring me to Beren!

Tano: *sooting* Yes, yes, We said so, we'll do so. Eventually that is...

Morauthien: *ready to throw a tantrum* Eventually?!

*Just then, according the universal laws of irony and humour, the tell-tale sound of horse hooves and the baying of a giant dog are heard in the wood.*

Ren: That's them! What do we do now?

Willow: Alright, people! Damage Control!

*The TLA put their heads together to come up with a battle plan*

Willow: Alright, We'll have to speed up the events a little apparently.

Morauthien: The sooner we get to Beren, the better!

Eärniel: Yeah, yeah, we all know your priority.

Tano: Exactly, that's why you, Morauthien, will have to distract the two Elves for a second so we can do the rest. Christiana and Arcala, you tie Celegorm's and Curufin's bootlaces together and cut the leather strap of their saddle.

Christiana: They're Elves! they don't use saddles!

Willow: Then give them a little shove. Just ...imobilise them. Miriam, you and Eärniel will tame Huan with some chocolate and just dognap him. We'll need him. everything clear?

*the TLA hide while Morauthien stays standing. Celegorm and Curufin catch sight of her and come closer to inspect.*

Morauthien:*whispers* Er... what was I supposed to do again?

Eärniel:*whispers from hiding place* You have to keep them occupied. Just... look beautiful, stunning and your usual self. Charm their pants off if you want. That ought to keep them interested.

Morauthien:*mutters*Marvelous.