The Elf and the Telepath

[Katt_knome_hobbit]

This story is PRETTY INTERESTING and gets a little riskay at times so please don't blame me because it was your choice to read this anyway and I'm not responcible for any children reading this and getting bad ideas so--

*smack*

Let the story begin.

In the cave the telepath put the sack down. The elf wriggled out but it was so dark he couldn’t see how fast the telepath tied him up.

“Now,” she said. “Elrond.” She paused. “Aw ****. You aren’t Elrond are you?”

“No! I most certainly am not!” That was what the elf meant to say. All that came out was “Mmph! Hghphegle!”

“Oh, sorry.” The telepath pulled his gag out. “You really don’t need to ttalk anyway.”

“What do you want with Elrond.”

The telepath thought “Why the hell shouldn’t I tell him about my evil plan to take over Middle Earth with a lethal barrage of mini-Elronds when — oh ****.” She thought **** because by an extraordinary twist of stupidity and fate she projected here thoughts into the elf’s head.

She stared down at the elf’s prone figure, the look of horror still plastered on his face, or hers, she couldn’t really tell.

“Oops. Um, well, I didn’t mean to tell him that.”

“I bet.”

“Hey! I cut the link!”

“Did you? Then why can I still hear your thoughts?”

“I dunno. Crap. We’re stuck.”

“****.”

They stared at each other for a minute before the elf got a look of horror and realization.

“Oh my god!”

“I only thought you were cute!”

“NO YOU DIDN’T!”

“Well, no I didn’t.” The telepath did something of an evil giggle.

“AAAAAAAAAAAA!”

“So if you aren’t Elrond, who are you?”

All the elf could do was whimper.

“Well?”

The elf found his voice. “I,” he paused and looked puzzled. “I don’t know.”

“Whadda mean you don’t know?”

“Well, why can’t you read my mind and find out?”

“I don’t know!”

“Exactly.”

“Right. Well, I can’t just keep calling you elf so I suppose I’ll have to give you a name. I think I’ll call you, Fluffy.”

“Fluffy?!?”

“What would you prefer?”

“An ELVISH name!”

“It is elvish.”

“How many elves have you heard of called Fluffy?”

“How many elves have you heard of being kidnapped, tied up in a cave, and forgetting who they are?”

“Well, none, but no elf has ever met YOU before.”

“And therefore none have been called Fluffy.”

“Yes.”

“Until this particular circumstance.”

“Oh Damnit. Wait! What’s YOUR name?”

“Oh ****.”

“My point exactly.”

“Well fine. I chose your name, you choose mine.”

“Good. Your name is Dilarmae Eldavirimlor Karnistdaenorathpernrae Hilossa Isti Wynathlor Keyinsalir Sorosolnet.”(It translates from elvish to “Damn evil kidnapper who I will kill soon.)

“What the Hell?”

“You don’t like it?”

“NO! How the **** do you pronounce it?”

“Dil-ar-may Elda-vir-imlor Karn-ist-day-norath-pern-ray Hill-osa Is-tee Win-ath-lore Kay-in-sa-leer Sore-sol-net.” Fluffy was speaking so fast it was impossible to catch it anyway.

“AAA! It’s worse that I can hear it in my head!”

Fluffy sniggered and the action died down for a moment.

She got over the name and became bored. “Well, now what?”

“I don’t know about you, but I want some tea,” said the elf named Fluffy.

“TEA?!?”

“Earl Grey if you have it.”

“But! You! Neh! Eh… Yeah. I have some. Be back in a minute.”

Dilarmae Eldavirimlor Karnistdaeno—Damn that’s too long to write! Call her Laurie. Laurie left the room.

Fluffy sighed. “Finally.”

From the other room Laurie’s voice floated out. “I can still hear you!”

(MUAH HA HA!)

Laurie rushed back into the room. “What was that?”

“I dunno,” said Fluffy.

(Hee HEE hee hee.)

“Was that the narrator?”

“Are you sure it wasn’t you, Fluffy?”

“Positive.”

“Than it must be.”

(HA! Ha ha ha ha!)

“Look you!” Laurie looked extremely silly shouting at the cave ceiling. “What are you laughing at?”

(I know what’s gonna happen!)

“Tell us damn you!”

“Yeah! Tell us!” Fluffy had wriggled out of his bonds. “Wait a minute! You’re telepathic! Read her mind!”

“OK.” Laurie stopped. “Oh my god!”

“What is it?” Fluffy was concerned. “Why can’t I read your mind anymore?”

Laurie collapsed into laughter.