Satire

[LuthienTinuviel]

here's something i wrote for my english class.
maybe you guys can appreciate it.. the kids around here, they just don't see the sarcasm.

Who’s Da Pimp Now??
When the shrieking of his alarm woke him up at 6:20 Monday morning, the first thought in Jonathan’s head was, “I get to drive my Civic to school today!” As he hurriedly put on his pants and picked out the least crumpled shirt form his floor, thoughts of exhaust pipes, tinted windows, gold rims and chain steering wheels raced through his head. “Today is going to be awesome, wait until Joe sees my new car!” he thought happily. Joe was his archenemy. He thought that since his crappy Mitsubishi Eclipse had a black light that he was some kind of King of the Parking Lot. “Well,” Jonathan smirked, “what he doesn’t know is that I’ve spent the entire weekend hunting down the best top-notch pimp gear I can find for my ride.” Never mind that he was late to work Saturday afternoon because his car was in the shop getting the windows tinted. He almost got fired, but he didn’t care anymore. The only purpose his job served was to buy all the nice hot gear. Over his cereal, Jonathan calculated his expenses. It all summed up to about $2,045.28- his entire bank account for the past 2 years. As he cleaned up his dishes his thoughts briefly rested on the fact that that could have been a payment on a real sports car, but it soon fluttered away with the butterflies in his stomach.
On his way to school, while stopped at a stoplight, Jonathan couldn’t help but glance around to see what the other drivers thought of his sweet ride. No one else had a car quite like his. Jonathan almost wised that he had saved up for a new paint job, but the flame decals and racing stripes pretty much covered all the rusted brown. As he peered over into the car next to him, he saw the driver roll his eyes and look away. Jonathan’s blood started to boil. Couldn’t this idiot see that his car was the coolest on the road? Didn’t this jerk see his gold rims that screamed his pimp-daddy status? How could this troll miss Jonathan’s name in the pristine white neo-gothic lettering? What was this guy thinking? Jonathan looked over his new opponent’s vehicle, so it was a Camaro, big deal. Jonathan knew he could out-speed this loser who obviously had no taste. “Come on,” Jonathan thought, “ this guy doesn’t even have a sweet “Type R” logo!” The light changed green, and without checking for other traffic, Jonathan squealed his tires and took off towards school. “Wow, my car goes so much faster with those awesome fins on the back end!” he thought, “aerodynamics really is Da Pimp!”
Jonathan spotted Joe as soon as he rolled into the ‘Lot. Actually, Joe had heard him coming before he saw him- Jonathan had removed his muffler to give his ride that sweet engine sound that girls dig so much. Jonathan loved the look on Joe’s face as he glided seamlessly into the space right next to him. “Yes,” Jonathan thought, “today is going to be a great day!” Sitting in his first hour class, scribbling on a clean sheet of paper, Jonathan realised just how cool he was. Who cared about buying a good car, when you could make all the surface alterations to the one you had? Putting those silly thoughts out of his head, Jonathan put his head down and promptly went to sleep.