Entmoot Mud Wrestling

[Jonathan]

10.30 pm: In a hotel room not too far from the mud wrestling pit, Coney stood in front of his mirror admiring himself. He was wearing a tuxedo and had a Vodka Martini in his hand (shaken, not stirred). “Boy, I’m definitely more handsome than James Bond. Vestis virum reddit (the clothes make the man)”, Coney thought while sipping the last of his drink. He put down the glass and grabbed his sunglasses, which he gently put on his nose. Then he left the room and headed for the mud pit, filled with confidence.

At the same time, at the same hotel, but in another room, JerseyDevil sat on a chair and lit a Cuban cigar. Dressed in a suite with his Cuban dangling from his mouth, he looked like a gangster. “No doubt, I’m more handsome than all the guys in the Italian mafia. Perhaps I should try and get a minor part in Sopranos?”, JerseyDevil thought as he got up and left his hotel room. Full of confidence, JerseyDevil headed for the mud pit. He took a detour, so that he wouldn’t run into Coney on his way there.

11.00 pm: The spectators cheered as JerseyDevil and Coney entered the mud pit. Since it was quite dark, the pit was lit up by a few spotlights. There would be no fun if the fans couldn’t see their heroes wrestling in the mud. The Coney fans had great banderols, on which it was written: “Jesus supports Coney”. The JerseyDevil fans had pins on their clothes, which said “Go JerseyDevil”, “I support JD” and “JD Mud Wrestling 2003”.
Now the national anthems were being sung. First, all the Coney fans stood up and sang “God save the Queen”. Then the JerseyDevil fans sang “The Star Spangled Banner”, and even the # brothers from Canada joined in.

11.10 pm: JerseyDevil put out his cigar and Coney took of his sunglasses (it was a dark night and Coney could hardly see anything with them). The match began.
The two contestants started the match easy. The gave each other bear hugs and tried to bring each other out of balance. They also tried not to ruin their expensive clothes too much.
- “Hey Coney, be careful with my suit. And stop splashing mud all over my pants!”
- “Bugger, my shoes are all muddy. I had spent a lot of time polishing them you know. And my trousers are even muddier than yours, so stop complaining!”

11.20 pm: The battle intensified. The contestants no longer cared about their clothes, now they were rolling around in the mud, wrestling. It started raining, which made the mud even muddier.
- “JerseyDevil, you wrestle good. But I think you’re holding back. Don’t do it, do your best!”
- “And I know you can wrestle better than this! So let’s stop wrestling like silly women and let’s get into high quality wrestling!”
[music= Carl Orff’s Carmina Burana (Oh, Fortuna)]
JerseyDevil and Coney threw their jackets away. For a long time, they stared at one another, then they attacked.

11.30 pm: The wrestling match turned into a match of boxing. JerseyDevil and Coney punched and blocked, hit and dodged. Coney got a few good hits and managed to break some of JerseyDevil’s ribs, at the expense of his own nose, which JerseyDevil crushed with one blow.

11.40 pm: The contestants were battered, their blood mixing with the rain water. This was a violent fight indeed. JerseyDevil wanted a time-out, and Coney accepted. The contestants left the mud pit and were taken care of by their fans. Their blood-stained knuckles were wrapped in bandages. JerseyDevil’s fans provided their hero with painkillers, while Sween gave Coney some of his vodka to forget the pain. “Remember, pain is temporal, pride is forever!”, Sween said.
- “Hey Coney!”, JerseyDevil yelled. “What do you think of bringing in some real weapons into the match, just to make the fight a little bit more exciting?”
- “Sounds like a good idea, let’s do it!”

11.45 pm: Once again, the contestants stood staring at one another in the mud pit. The rain was now pouring down, turning the pit into a pool of muddy water.
JerseyDevil fans had given a trident to their hero, a very suitable weapon for a devil. Coney was equipped with a crowbar. There was a flash of lightning and the crowbar sparked in the light. “I’ll show you how the English football hooligans fight!”, Coney yelled. It seemed as if he had a halo over his head.

[music= Valkyries were singing, angels were crying] This was a battle of titans, filled with symbolism. It was UK vs. USA, Jesus vs. the Devil, Good vs. Evil, Right vs. Wrong. The world trembled as the contestants clashed.
Coney moved swiftly, it seemed as if he was actually walking on the water in the water-filled pit. JerseyDevil had problems though, as he stumbled around in the mud. He had to be on the defensive and block Coney’s attacks, since he couldn’t really fight back. But JerseyDevil had the advantage of having a bigger weapon, so he was able to fend off Coney’s blows.