Peter Jackson has improved Tolkien

Black Breathalizer · 10-04-2002, 11:39 PM

The Scene: The Mines of Moria where we find the wizard Black Breathalizer leading the fat, little, movie-maker, Peter Jackson, and his Fellowship of screenwriters, actors, and WETA techs through the darkness when suddenly...

[The caverns are filled with the irritating sounds of whining, moaning, and groaning.]

Orlando Bloom: PURISTS!!!!

Viggo: Quick! Shut the doors!

[The Fellowship succeeds in shutting the door but not before it is hit by hot air blasts of "XenArwen sucks!" and "Where's Tom Bombadil?"]

Sean Bean: (incredulous) They have a BeardofPants!!!

Black Breathalizer: To the Worldwide Movie Box Office. That'll show them. Hurry!

[To the stirring sounds of a Howard Shore soundtrack, the Fellowship hurries out the back door and head to the Worldwide Movie Box Office when suddenly a firey TROLL-like creature appears.)

Sean Bean to Black: What is this new devilry?

Blackie: Sigh...It is a bropous, a purist from the English Premier League. This foe is beyond any of you. RUN!

(The others cross over the bridge to world wide acclaim while Blackie stands and defies the evil bropous.

Black Breathalizer: You shall not...have the LAST WORD!

(A firey blast spews out of bropous's big gapping mouth...

bropous: Ha! If it were to hold that Jackson improved Tolkien, AGAIN YOUR ORIGINAL ASSERTION, then the logic holds that the films ARE better than the books, even if the improvement has been amended to only a subjective improvement in your perception.

Syllogism:
An improved thing is better than the original.
The Jackson film(s) improved Tolkien's books.
Ergo, the Jackson films are better than the books.

Cogitum, ergo non-sequitur, BB?

(BB shrugs off the creature's firey blast effortlessly.)

Black Breathalizer: (in heroic fashion) I am the wielder of the sacred TRUTH...I utterly REJECT your illogical premise. This is NOT an all-or-nothing proposition. Jackson has build a house using the Master's blueprints. It is quite possible for him to improve upon the design of some rooms, copy others, and decide not to include the basement.

bropous: (momentarily taken aback by BB's brilliant logic) uh...huh?

Black Breathalizer: A visitor to the house is well within his rights to say, "Hey, Pete, I really like the way you did this kitchen, man! It's really an IMPROVEMENT!" That same guy might have liked the original design overall but has to grudgingly admit that Jackson has made some fine enhancements to the plans.

(Unable to match wits with the mighty word wizard, the creature, bropous, gives up and leaps into the dark purist void, utterly defeated.

The End.*

*Note - This post is clearly a masterful work of ART and therefore cannot be improved upon in any way, shape, or form so don't even try.

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10-04-2002, 11:39 PM	#11
Black Breathalizer Elf Lord Join Date: Sep 2002 Posts: 828	The Scene: The Mines of Moria where we find the wizard Black Breathalizer leading the fat, little, movie-maker, Peter Jackson, and his Fellowship of screenwriters, actors, and WETA techs through the darkness when suddenly... [The caverns are filled with the irritating sounds of whining, moaning, and groaning.] Orlando Bloom: PURISTS!!!! Viggo: Quick! Shut the doors! [The Fellowship succeeds in shutting the door but not before it is hit by hot air blasts of "XenArwen sucks!" and "Where's Tom Bombadil?"] Sean Bean: (incredulous) They have a BeardofPants!!! Black Breathalizer: To the Worldwide Movie Box Office. That'll show them. Hurry! [To the stirring sounds of a Howard Shore soundtrack, the Fellowship hurries out the back door and head to the Worldwide Movie Box Office when suddenly a firey TROLL-like creature appears.) Sean Bean to Black: What is this new devilry? Blackie: Sigh...It is a bropous, a purist from the English Premier League. This foe is beyond any of you. RUN! (The others cross over the bridge to world wide acclaim while Blackie stands and defies the evil bropous. Black Breathalizer: You shall not...have the LAST WORD! (A firey blast spews out of bropous's big gapping mouth... bropous: Ha! If it were to hold that Jackson improved Tolkien, AGAIN YOUR ORIGINAL ASSERTION, then the logic holds that the films ARE better than the books, even if the improvement has been amended to only a subjective improvement in your perception. Syllogism: An improved thing is better than the original. The Jackson film(s) improved Tolkien's books. Ergo, the Jackson films are better than the books. Cogitum, ergo non-sequitur, BB? (BB shrugs off the creature's firey blast effortlessly.) Black Breathalizer: (in heroic fashion) I am the wielder of the sacred TRUTH...I utterly REJECT your illogical premise. This is NOT an all-or-nothing proposition. Jackson has build a house using the Master's blueprints. It is quite possible for him to improve upon the design of some rooms, copy others, and decide not to include the basement. bropous: (momentarily taken aback by BB's brilliant logic) uh...huh? Black Breathalizer: A visitor to the house is well within his rights to say, "Hey, Pete, I really like the way you did this kitchen, man! It's really an IMPROVEMENT!" That same guy might have liked the original design overall but has to grudgingly admit that Jackson has made some fine enhancements to the plans. (Unable to match wits with the mighty word wizard, the creature, bropous, gives up and leaps into the dark purist void, utterly defeated. The End.* Note - This post is clearly a masterful work of ART* and therefore cannot be improved upon in any way, shape, or form so don't even try.