Spanking kids yeah or nay

[azalea]

The bottom line is that if you were spanked occasionally as a child, you will occasionally spank your children. If you were never spanked, you will most likely be against spanking. If you were spanked a lot, you will spank a lot, and this is where it borders on abuse. (Or you will never spank and be against it because of the abuse). This is why people who were spanked a lot probably shouldn't use spanking, because they may overuse it since it seems normal as a result of their childhood.

That said, I was one who was occasionally spanked. I never spanked my son until he turned 3, at which time he began having some defiant behaviors (along with tantrums). Well, he'd had tantrums before, but at this point he knew better, whereas before he was too young to control himself. Anyway, he's almost 4 and I've spanked him about 3 times. I never have to do it anymore, because the threat of one works just as well . My personal advice on spanking:
1. It is effective only between the ages of 3 and 6. After that, other means of punishment are much more effective. Before that it's ineffective because the child is too young to understand.
2. Only with open hand on the bottom or hand (I've never done the hand). *Note about the switch: When my brother was 3, he began to have a problem with biting other kids. My mother was advised to take him to a psychologist, and she tearfully called my grandfather (a Southerner). He said, "Next time he does it, make him go out and choose his own switch off of a tree and swat the back of his legs with it." My mother did this, then went to the bathroom and cried. He never bit anyone again, and he doesn't remember the incident at all.
3. NEVER, NEVER slap a child in the face. No one should ever be slapped in the face (unless you have men trying to give you unwanted kisses a lot ). My husband and I were both slapped as teenagers, and it was not effective discipline at all.
4. Don't spank when you feel out of control, because then it is not a punishment or a way of getting the child's attention, but you're then using it as a way to release the anger you feel. Calm down, try to figure out if there's a more effective punishment. If not, go ahead and give a spanking. It should be limited to 3 strikes with the open hand. (Although, one is generally enough to do the trick. I have only ever given one strike.)
5. Use it as a last resort. Counting is a big motivator in our house. We have used time out and it's really very effective when used consistently. I don't expect him to think about anything, but it is a way for him to (a) know I am very displeased with what he has done/ how he is behaving, (b) forces him to calm down -- he is removed from the situation (not to mention I get to calm down), and (c) whether or not he really cares about just sitting there, it is always PERCEIVED as a very bad thing -- he cannot play, talk or read -- he is cut of from interaction with me and everyone else. So it really is a punishment for him when he has time out, even though at other times he chooses to just sit quietly. If it is imposed, it becomes a punishment. Again, time out really only works for kids up to about 8, then you can use taking away priveleges, etc.
I have never spanked my child if he almost gets into danger (as in burns or going into the street). Supervision is the first line of defense there. Also, they will have natural consequences, like when my son learned about "hot" -- he touched the outside of our hot oven, and it hurt him (there was no burn), and I said HOT! and he knew hot from then on. I also used hot to scare him away from electrical sockets. We've taught my other son hot and it works well. Plus when they get to be two you can just use scare tactics (yell "don't go in the street, you'll get hit by a car!" -- which is true) The fear you show in your voice teaches them to be scared of the right things (presumably; anyway, it works for us).