Assassin in the Night [Short Wheel of Time story, C&C please]

***Tessar*** · 11-20-2003, 06:40 PM

Thanks to anyone who reads this, and special thanks to anyone who reviews it!

This is just a short Wheel of Time story, which I'll be using as a base to make a new person for a game I play online.

Assassin in the Night

A pale ebony moon high in the night sky illuminated darkly tile roofs of Tear, bringing every detail of the surrounding area into a surreally sharp view. There was a faint tinkling of breaking glass that hung in the silent and chilly night for a moment, and then a sharp cry shattered what remained of the calm and peaceful silence. In houses nearby women sat up in their beds and clutched the sheets close, while men grabbed weapons and stood ready to defend their homes.

But there was no call for their alarm. Soon the men went back to bed, and the women perhaps sat a while longer, straining their ears for the sound of battle, or the shrill scream of death. But neither came, and so they to went back to sleep. But somewhere in the pale city, a strange game was being played. Strange because the cause of the disturbance thought he was the predator, but in truth, was the prey.

Sharp green eyes piercing the night, a darkly clad man slid forward stealthily and tried to calm his rapidly beating heart. He had gotten clumsy, and that had nearly cost him dearly. But now he was in his element, and he wouldn’t be clumsy again.

Bounding from roof to roof, not quite silently, an almost overweight man followed the path his intruder had taken, occasionally knocking a tile down to the streets to shatter against the cold stone street, or almost loosing his footing before a jump. He had left his element, and even his light chain mail and metal armor was too heavy for the world he had entered.

An honorable man, the heavy-set one was known as Alexan. He had left Cairhine only two seasons earlier, fed up with the Game of Houses, as his style was too blunt and too honest for that city’s political level. The few scars on his face, his muscular build, and the thin javelin in his hand marked him as a former warrior turned landowner and politician. All this was known to his strange attacker in the night, an assassin who rarely killed with his dagger, and preferred his sharp wit to any blade.

“Come out where ever you are.” Alexan muttered into the too dark night. A chill breeze raising the hair on his neck and arms, as well as a sudden feeling that perhaps he should never have left his home. It was only some papers that had been taken, but to him they were important, or at least would have been a few seasons back. It probably wasn’t even worth it anymore… he had left that life behind.

A strange feeling replaced the chill on his back and in his gut; it was a feeling he had learned to listen to.

Spinning with lightning speed, Alexan lashed out with his javelin as if it were a whip, slashing the man who had been coming up behind him with raised dagger across the chest, and knocking him back, almost throwing him off the roof with the strength of the strike.

Letting out a muffled cry, hardly even perceivable, the assassin regained his feet with surprising speed and leapt forward with a snarl, lashing out with a booted foot and catching the warrior on his soft stomach. It was a weak kick, but it knew its mark and its power. On the ground Alexan could have withstood it and killed his attacker easily, but the rules of fighting were suddenly switched as the tiles beneath his feet slid apart while he rebalanced, knocking him over onto his side with a crash.

Aiming for an unarmored part in the middle of Alexan’s spine, the assassin tried to drive his dagger into the downed man for a killing blow, but that was the worst thing he could have done. He knew the roof and the ally ways well enough, but he forgot the strength of Borderlander mettle.

Rolling himself with surprising speed, Alexan again brought his Javelin around in a sweeping blow and caught his attacker mid-leap, and as the lash of his javelin threw the assassin back, he assisted the flight with a kick of his own, certainly thrice as powerful as the one he had received.

The green and black clad assassin smashed against the roof tiles, attempting to roll away again and misjudging his distance. One foot came down on the roof and the other missed entirely, his spinning head and the burning wounds on his chest and side destroying his precious balance and allowing him to fall head first to the ground.

Moving carefully on the shifting tiles, Alexan limped across the sharply illuminated roof and peered down over the edge. He couldn’t see a thing in the dark street below, and he didn’t even want to until the morning. If his attacker hadn’t bled to death or died from the fall he would soon, and the papers weren’t worth climbing down himself to the possibility of a still slightly alive assassin.

~

***Tessar*** · 11-20-2003, 06:42 PM

Gently crushing some herbs, a local wisdom sprinkled them into the steaming pot of water she was boiling over her small but cheerful fire. Shuffling across the clean and smooth stone floor of her house, she went to change the bandages on her strange new patient.

The short green eyed man, now laid out on a crisp white sheeted bed, had arrived in the night, having dragged himself to her doorstep and knocked twice before passing out. There was a bloody gash on his chest, running in a diagonal manner almost to his throat, only the Dark one’s own luck had saved him from a fatal neck wound.

Hay still stuck to his darkly colored clothes, which she had laid aside for washing later. His face and head were bruised, and it seemed that he had fallen off of something into hay. Perhaps a wagon or bin, which would almost explain the broken ribs on his side, as if something had struck him with great force. Something thin, but still too thick for a spear or lash handle.

The most unnerving things on his person had been the vials she found in a little purse at his belt and the dagger he had been gripping with his teeth. Although the vials were smashed, she knew the smell of poison well enough, and his dagger was too well made for a commoners’.

Perhaps taking him in had been a stupid idea, but she was a healer, and she would do what she must.

Shuffling back to the pot of water, the Wisdom carefully stuck a finger in, checking to see if it was hot enough yet. Perhaps a few more minutes, and then the weakening potion would be ready. If she was dealing with a dangerous man, she didn’t want him popping up at any second ready to kill.

Lost somewhere in his own dark dreams, the assassin, better known as Kama, struggled for life. His brown hair and a faint scar running down his cheek were the only visible marks on his otherwise plain features; but behind his eyelids, piercing green eyes searched unseeingly for the door that would take him out of his own mind and back to the waking world.

Kama was not dead. Yet.

Arat-Falathion · 11-21-2003, 11:39 AM

Ah, this I must read

.....when I get the time

***Earniel*** · 11-21-2003, 05:45 PM

I haven't read 'the Wheel of Time' yet but I liked this. It has a nice beginning as you get dropped almost immediatly in the action. It's also very describtive (*ponders* That is a word, right?), look at the number of adjectives in the first sentence alone!

"A pale ebony moon high in the night sky illuminated darkly tile roofs of Tear, bringing every detail of the surrounding area into a surreally sharp view. "

Personally I like describtive because it allows me to picture the scene in my imagination.

The last sentence certainly raises the expectations! Is there going come more or is it just a character sketch?

And when are we going to get more of 'Ice Village'? I'm starting to think you're letting it lie on purpose!

***Tessar*** · 11-21-2003, 07:21 PM

I have an evil plot and timing for my posting of Ice Village chapters. Trust me it will be... soon. *cackle*

See I already HAVE the next two chapters

But as for this story, I'll very likely write more, but if I do it'll hop forward a bit most likely to his serving as a spy/assassin type for a certain 'House', which is a little group I'm trying to get my game person into.

Lief Erikson · 11-22-2003, 05:49 PM

I read it, Tessar, and it's very good

. I enjoyed the read a lot. Nothing much jumped out at me to criticize. That's probably a good thing

. Very nicely written.

Arat-Falathion · 11-29-2003, 09:42 AM

Clap clap clap

Nicely done! You really cought a good mood in there Tess!

Lief Erikson · 12-02-2003, 04:20 AM

Just don't overload yourself, Tessar. Working on two stories at once can be very difficult, and I don't know if there are more than just this one and "Ice Village" that you're doing. The ice story I'm actually more interested in reading, because it has been going longer. It's already taking you quite a while to respond to either of these, and I'd like to see at least one of them get finished, in the end. Since "Ice Village" is the one you're furthest along in, I'd advise you to press on with that one. To the exclusion of this one, if necessary.

Even though this one is so well written

. Just sending a friendly warning.

***Tessar*** · 12-02-2003, 10:00 PM

Hehe, thanks. You're right, of course.

No, actually I'm not just writing these two. I'm also doing some other writing (although it's not really for a 'story'). I don't know if anyone here knows what a MUD is, but I'm writing rooms for one.

The only problem right now is that I have NO IDEA WHAT TO WRITE NEXT.

So far I've written three chapter fours and as soon as I stand up from writing them I realize I can't use them because they just WONT WORK. ARGHHHHH.

I think what I need to do is just write where Mariel and Danlor are headed for Camin. And of course I need to totally revamp the first chapter.

Plus of course school and some acting stuff I'm into right now.

Just think, I could actually be doing as much as normal people do. I would probably bust a braincell

.

Lief Erikson · 12-03-2003, 03:09 AM

Have you considered possibly just stopping writing for a while, and starting up again after you've got an idea for the overall plot?

Arat-Falathion · 12-03-2003, 08:56 AM

Ah, the cursed word "Plot". And how unfairly easy it is mended in your head Lief. I find plotting very very hard :P Guess I need more practise for that kind of stuff... but I agree, you should probably make a plot before continueing, or else it can easily end up messy, or not end at all :P

Oh, and yes... I've played the mud MUME for a couple of years... on and off that is... what kind of mud you're writing for?

***Tessar*** · 12-03-2003, 11:21 AM

It's a PK and RP mud called Ages of Eternity. No one actually plays it right now, but that's because it's a custom made code base and the owner is still coding it while I'm still building zones

.

Good idea Lief, I'll probably do that. I think I have a short chapter four simi-done and so I'll get through that and focus on the plot before the next chapter.

{edit}

Oh ALSO:

I don't know if I can still call it Ice Village.

I mean as far as plot line goes I don't think anything else is going to happen there. It's a ghost town in a hard to reach area where no one ever goes.

Hermmm...

11-20-2003, 06:40 PM	#1
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	Assassin in the Night [Short Wheel of Time story, C&C please] Thanks to anyone who reads this, and special thanks to anyone who reviews it! This is just a short Wheel of Time story, which I'll be using as a base to make a new person for a game I play online. Assassin in the Night A pale ebony moon high in the night sky illuminated darkly tile roofs of Tear, bringing every detail of the surrounding area into a surreally sharp view. There was a faint tinkling of breaking glass that hung in the silent and chilly night for a moment, and then a sharp cry shattered what remained of the calm and peaceful silence. In houses nearby women sat up in their beds and clutched the sheets close, while men grabbed weapons and stood ready to defend their homes. But there was no call for their alarm. Soon the men went back to bed, and the women perhaps sat a while longer, straining their ears for the sound of battle, or the shrill scream of death. But neither came, and so they to went back to sleep. But somewhere in the pale city, a strange game was being played. Strange because the cause of the disturbance thought he was the predator, but in truth, was the prey. Sharp green eyes piercing the night, a darkly clad man slid forward stealthily and tried to calm his rapidly beating heart. He had gotten clumsy, and that had nearly cost him dearly. But now he was in his element, and he wouldn’t be clumsy again. Bounding from roof to roof, not quite silently, an almost overweight man followed the path his intruder had taken, occasionally knocking a tile down to the streets to shatter against the cold stone street, or almost loosing his footing before a jump. He had left his element, and even his light chain mail and metal armor was too heavy for the world he had entered. An honorable man, the heavy-set one was known as Alexan. He had left Cairhine only two seasons earlier, fed up with the Game of Houses, as his style was too blunt and too honest for that city’s political level. The few scars on his face, his muscular build, and the thin javelin in his hand marked him as a former warrior turned landowner and politician. All this was known to his strange attacker in the night, an assassin who rarely killed with his dagger, and preferred his sharp wit to any blade. “Come out where ever you are.” Alexan muttered into the too dark night. A chill breeze raising the hair on his neck and arms, as well as a sudden feeling that perhaps he should never have left his home. It was only some papers that had been taken, but to him they were important, or at least would have been a few seasons back. It probably wasn’t even worth it anymore… he had left that life behind. A strange feeling replaced the chill on his back and in his gut; it was a feeling he had learned to listen to. Spinning with lightning speed, Alexan lashed out with his javelin as if it were a whip, slashing the man who had been coming up behind him with raised dagger across the chest, and knocking him back, almost throwing him off the roof with the strength of the strike. Letting out a muffled cry, hardly even perceivable, the assassin regained his feet with surprising speed and leapt forward with a snarl, lashing out with a booted foot and catching the warrior on his soft stomach. It was a weak kick, but it knew its mark and its power. On the ground Alexan could have withstood it and killed his attacker easily, but the rules of fighting were suddenly switched as the tiles beneath his feet slid apart while he rebalanced, knocking him over onto his side with a crash. Aiming for an unarmored part in the middle of Alexan’s spine, the assassin tried to drive his dagger into the downed man for a killing blow, but that was the worst thing he could have done. He knew the roof and the ally ways well enough, but he forgot the strength of Borderlander mettle. Rolling himself with surprising speed, Alexan again brought his Javelin around in a sweeping blow and caught his attacker mid-leap, and as the lash of his javelin threw the assassin back, he assisted the flight with a kick of his own, certainly thrice as powerful as the one he had received. The green and black clad assassin smashed against the roof tiles, attempting to roll away again and misjudging his distance. One foot came down on the roof and the other missed entirely, his spinning head and the burning wounds on his chest and side destroying his precious balance and allowing him to fall head first to the ground. Moving carefully on the shifting tiles, Alexan limped across the sharply illuminated roof and peered down over the edge. He couldn’t see a thing in the dark street below, and he didn’t even want to until the morning. If his attacker hadn’t bled to death or died from the fall he would soon, and the papers weren’t worth climbing down himself to the possibility of a still slightly alive assassin. ~ Last edited by Tessar : 11-20-2003 at 06:42 PM.

11-21-2003, 11:39 AM	#3
Arat-Falathion A'mael Dalharen Eldarele Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Norway Posts: 707	Ah, this I must read .....when I get the time __________________ Atharon, where heroes are born. A constantly evolving forum rpg created by Lief Erikson, Falathion and its players. Last edited by Arat-Falathion : 11-21-2003 at 11:40 AM.

11-21-2003, 05:45 PM	#4
*Earniel* The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium) Posts: 14,363	I haven't read 'the Wheel of Time' yet but I liked this. It has a nice beginning as you get dropped almost immediatly in the action. It's also very describtive (ponders That is a word, right?), look at the number of adjectives in the first sentence alone! "A pale ebony moon high in the night sky illuminated darkly tile roofs of Tear, bringing every detail of the surrounding area into a surreally sharp view. " Personally I like describtive because it allows me to picture the scene in my imagination. The last sentence certainly raises the expectations! Is there going come more or is it just a character sketch? And when are we going to get more of 'Ice Village'? I'm starting to think you're letting it lie on purpose! __________________ We are not things.

11-29-2003, 09:42 AM	#7
Arat-Falathion A'mael Dalharen Eldarele Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Norway Posts: 707	Clap clap clap Nicely done! You really cought a good mood in there Tess! __________________ Atharon, where heroes are born. A constantly evolving forum rpg created by Lief Erikson, Falathion and its players.

12-03-2003, 03:09 AM	#10
Lief Erikson Elf Lord Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Fountain Valley, CA Posts: 6,343	Have you considered possibly just stopping writing for a while, and starting up again after you've got an idea for the overall plot? Last edited by Lief Erikson : 12-03-2003 at 03:12 AM.

11-20-2003, 06:42 PM	#2
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	Gently crushing some herbs, a local wisdom sprinkled them into the steaming pot of water she was boiling over her small but cheerful fire. Shuffling across the clean and smooth stone floor of her house, she went to change the bandages on her strange new patient. The short green eyed man, now laid out on a crisp white sheeted bed, had arrived in the night, having dragged himself to her doorstep and knocked twice before passing out. There was a bloody gash on his chest, running in a diagonal manner almost to his throat, only the Dark one’s own luck had saved him from a fatal neck wound. Hay still stuck to his darkly colored clothes, which she had laid aside for washing later. His face and head were bruised, and it seemed that he had fallen off of something into hay. Perhaps a wagon or bin, which would almost explain the broken ribs on his side, as if something had struck him with great force. Something thin, but still too thick for a spear or lash handle. The most unnerving things on his person had been the vials she found in a little purse at his belt and the dagger he had been gripping with his teeth. Although the vials were smashed, she knew the smell of poison well enough, and his dagger was too well made for a commoners’. Perhaps taking him in had been a stupid idea, but she was a healer, and she would do what she must. Shuffling back to the pot of water, the Wisdom carefully stuck a finger in, checking to see if it was hot enough yet. Perhaps a few more minutes, and then the weakening potion would be ready. If she was dealing with a dangerous man, she didn’t want him popping up at any second ready to kill. Lost somewhere in his own dark dreams, the assassin, better known as Kama, struggled for life. His brown hair and a faint scar running down his cheek were the only visible marks on his otherwise plain features; but behind his eyelids, piercing green eyes searched unseeingly for the door that would take him out of his own mind and back to the waking world. Kama was not dead. Yet.

11-21-2003, 07:21 PM	#5
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	I have an evil plot and timing for my posting of Ice Village chapters. Trust me it will be... soon. cackle See I already HAVE the next two chapters But as for this story, I'll very likely write more, but if I do it'll hop forward a bit most likely to his serving as a spy/assassin type for a certain 'House', which is a little group I'm trying to get my game person into.

11-22-2003, 05:49 PM	#6
Lief Erikson Elf Lord Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Fountain Valley, CA Posts: 6,343	I read it, Tessar, and it's very good . I enjoyed the read a lot. Nothing much jumped out at me to criticize. That's probably a good thing . Very nicely written.

12-02-2003, 04:20 AM	#8
Lief Erikson Elf Lord Join Date: Dec 2000 Location: Fountain Valley, CA Posts: 6,343	Just don't overload yourself, Tessar. Working on two stories at once can be very difficult, and I don't know if there are more than just this one and "Ice Village" that you're doing. The ice story I'm actually more interested in reading, because it has been going longer. It's already taking you quite a while to respond to either of these, and I'd like to see at least one of them get finished, in the end. Since "Ice Village" is the one you're furthest along in, I'd advise you to press on with that one. To the exclusion of this one, if necessary. Even though this one is so well written . Just sending a friendly warning.

12-02-2003, 10:00 PM	#9
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	Hehe, thanks. You're right, of course. No, actually I'm not just writing these two. I'm also doing some other writing (although it's not really for a 'story'). I don't know if anyone here knows what a MUD is, but I'm writing rooms for one. The only problem right now is that I have NO IDEA WHAT TO WRITE NEXT. So far I've written three chapter fours and as soon as I stand up from writing them I realize I can't use them because they just WONT WORK. ARGHHHHH. I think what I need to do is just write where Mariel and Danlor are headed for Camin. And of course I need to totally revamp the first chapter. Plus of course school and some acting stuff I'm into right now. Just think, I could actually be doing as much as normal people do. I would probably bust a braincell .

12-03-2003, 08:56 AM	#11
Arat-Falathion A'mael Dalharen Eldarele Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Norway Posts: 707	Ah, the cursed word "Plot". And how unfairly easy it is mended in your head Lief. I find plotting very very hard :P Guess I need more practise for that kind of stuff... but I agree, you should probably make a plot before continueing, or else it can easily end up messy, or not end at all :P Oh, and yes... I've played the mud MUME for a couple of years... on and off that is... what kind of mud you're writing for? __________________ Atharon, where heroes are born. A constantly evolving forum rpg created by Lief Erikson, Falathion and its players.

12-03-2003, 11:21 AM	#12
*Tessar* Master and Wielder of the Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001 Location: IM IN UR POSTZ, EDITIN' UR WURDZ Posts: 6,433	It's a PK and RP mud called Ages of Eternity. No one actually plays it right now, but that's because it's a custom made code base and the owner is still coding it while I'm still building zones . Good idea Lief, I'll probably do that. I think I have a short chapter four simi-done and so I'll get through that and focus on the plot before the next chapter. {edit} Oh ALSO: I don't know if I can still call it Ice Village. I mean as far as plot line goes I don't think anything else is going to happen there. It's a ghost town in a hard to reach area where no one ever goes. Hermmm... Last edited by Tessar : 12-03-2003 at 11:32 AM.