05-04-2004, 03:44 PM | #441 |
mystical divinity of Unashamed Felinity
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Here's one a friend just sent me:
________________ One day, while a seamstress was sewing beside a river, her thimble fell into the rushing water. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked "Why are you crying"? The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the river, and she needed the thimble to make her living. The Lord went down into the water and reappeared with a golden thimble. "Is this your thimble", the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "No". Again, the Lord went down and came up with a silver thimble. "Is this your thimble", the Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, "No". The Lord went down again and came up with a wooden thimble. "Is this your thimble", the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, "Yes". The Lord was pleased with the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy. Some time later, the seamstress and her husband were walking along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the rushing water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, "Why are you crying"? "Oh, Lord, my husband has fallen into the river", she replied. The Lord went down into the water and came up with Mel Gibson. "Is this your husband", the Lord asked. "Yes", cried the seamstress. The Lord was furious. "You lied! That is an untruth"! The seamstress replied, "Oh forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to Mel Gibson, you would have come up with Tom Cruise. Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes', you would have given me all three. Lord I am a poor woman, and am not able to take care of three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to Mel Gibson". The moral of this story is: When a woman lies, it is for a good and honourable reason and for the benefit of others. (That's our story and were sticking to it.)
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"Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana... |
05-04-2004, 05:41 PM | #442 |
Half-Elven Princess of Rabbit Trails and Harp-Wielding Administrator (beware the Rubber Chicken of Doom!)
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Good one, BC!!
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. I should be doing the laundry, but this is MUCH more fun! Ñá ë?* óú éä ïöü Öñ É Þ ð ß ® ç å ™ æ ♪ ?* "How lovely are Thy dwelling places, O Lord of hosts! ... For a day in Thy courts is better than a thousand outside." (from Psalm 84) * * * God rocks! Entmoot : Veni, vidi, velcro - I came, I saw, I got hooked! Ego numquam pronunciare mendacium, sed ego sum homo indomitus! Run the earth and watch the sky ... Auta i lómë! Aurë entuluva! |
05-04-2004, 09:56 PM | #443 | |
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Philosophy joke:
One day, Rene Descartes walked into a bar. The bartender asked him if he could get him a drink. Descartes replied "I think not." Poof he dissapeared. If you don't get it (don't feel bad):
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05-05-2004, 12:15 PM | #444 |
The Blobbit
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Hmm... that looks like a girl's joke to me!
(I thought it was good though! ) BC, I'm now concerned by the use of the joke medium to make feminist / political / grown up world type points! Anyway... *expectant silence for Janny's joke* The Lib Dems hehehehehehe!!! With apologies
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Janny's Songs Janny's lyrics and random photographs Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who happen to be walking about. ~ Mercutio... erm, GK Chesterton. |
05-05-2004, 01:29 PM | #445 | |
mystical divinity of Unashamed Felinity
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Quote:
(of course, I'd expect a male to react, since they don't really understand...)
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"Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana... |
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05-05-2004, 01:40 PM | #446 |
Cardboard Harp of Gondor Join Date: Sep 2001
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Hermmm... maybe it's just because I'm not a grown up () But I thought it was funny Beruthial!
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05-05-2004, 01:40 PM | #447 |
mystical divinity of Unashamed Felinity
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Dogs, cats and light bulbs
Janny --
Perhaps you will find this slightly more to your taste. It is neither political, feminist or particularly grown up. (I might, however, call it more "felinist" than "canineist", however...) ~~~~~~~~ How Many Dogs Does It Take to Change A Light Bulb? It depends on the breed of course! Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young, we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside worrying about a stupid burned out bulb? Border Collie: Just one. And then I'll replace any wiring that's not up to code. Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp! Rottweiler: Make me. Boxer: Who cares? I can still play with my squeaky toys in the dark. Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs in a little circle. . . Lab: Oh, me, me!!!!! Pleeeeeeeeeze let me change the light bulb! Can I? Can I? Huh? Huh? Huh? Can I? Pleeeeeeeeeze, please, please, please! German Shepherd: I'll change it as soon as I've led these people from the dark, checked to make sure I haven't missed any, and make just one more perimeter patrol to see that no one has tried to take advantage of the situation. Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm bouncing off the walls and furniture. Old English Sheep Dog: Light bulb? I'm sorry, but I don't see a light bulb? Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the carpet in the dark. Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb. Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right there . Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares? Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house, my nails will be dry. The Cat's Answer: "Dogs do not change light bulbs. People change light bulbs. So, the real question is: How long will it be before I can expect some light, some dinner, and a massage?" (ALL OF WHICH PROVES, ONCE AGAIN, THAT WHILE DOGS HAVE MASTERS, CATS HAVE STAFF).
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"Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana... |
05-05-2004, 03:23 PM | #448 |
The Blobbit
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I hope you didn't get me wrong! I really did like your joke.
At least you all now know to accuse me of having a man's approach, not just a relatively dumb female's one.
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Janny's Songs Janny's lyrics and random photographs Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who happen to be walking about. ~ Mercutio... erm, GK Chesterton. |
05-05-2004, 03:42 PM | #449 | |
mystical divinity of Unashamed Felinity
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Quote:
Beware!! SGH might be lurking about with her stick... Here's another cat/dog joke for your perusal... (and it gives men and women equal digs...) What is a Cat? Cats do what they want. They rarely listen to you. They're totally unpredictable. When you want to play, they want to be alone. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They expect you to cater to their every whim. They're moody. They leave hair everywhere. CONCLUSION: They're tiny women in little fur coats. What is a Dog? Dogs spend all day sprawled on the most comfortable piece of furniture in the house. They can hear a package of food opening half a block away, but don't hear you when you're in the same room. They growl when they are not happy. When you want to play, they want to play. When you want to be alone, they want to play. They leave their toys everywhere. They do disgusting things with their mouths and then try to give you a kiss. CONCLUSION: They're tiny men in little fur coats.
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"Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana... |
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05-05-2004, 11:51 PM | #450 | |
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Quote:
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05-06-2004, 09:09 AM | #451 | |
mystical divinity of Unashamed Felinity
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Quote:
They loved it!!!
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"Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana... |
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05-06-2004, 10:53 AM | #452 |
The Blobbit
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I had to explain the Descartes joke 4 times to my friends! (They liked it when they got it tho, dumb 16 year olds...)
BC, ambiguous phrasing... I meant it was a just the view of a regular man, not the view of a stupid woman, in that they were on a par... What is 'smoke' about anyway... I know nothing.
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Janny's Songs Janny's lyrics and random photographs Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who happen to be walking about. ~ Mercutio... erm, GK Chesterton. |
05-06-2004, 11:24 AM | #453 |
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A nice one, from ACoK.
Edd: "I never win anything. The gods always smiled on Watt, though. When the wildlings knocked him off the Bridge of Skulls, somehow he landed in a nice deep pool of water. How lucky was that, missing all those rocks?" Grenn: "Was it a long fall ? Did landing in the pool of water save his life?" Edd: "No. He was dead already from that axe in his head. Still it was pretty lucky missing all those rocks."
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05-06-2004, 11:26 AM | #454 | |
mystical divinity of Unashamed Felinity
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Quote:
(I'm going to find another joke to post now...keep digging until I get back...)
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"Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana... |
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05-06-2004, 01:32 PM | #455 | |
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Quote:
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My Fanfic: Letters of Firiel Tales of Nolduryon Visitors Come to Court Ñ á ë ?* ó ú é ä ï ö Ö ñ É Þ ð ß ® ™ [Xurl=Xhttp://entmoot.tolkientrail.com/showthread.php?s=&postid=ABCXYZ#postABCXYZ]text[/Xurl] Splitting Threads is SUCH Hard Work!! |
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05-06-2004, 02:14 PM | #456 | |||
mystical divinity of Unashamed Felinity
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Okay, Janny. You can stop now. But this joke is a bit PG-13, so you little ones must avert your gaze...
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"Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana... Last edited by Beruthiel's cat : 05-06-2004 at 02:24 PM. |
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05-06-2004, 03:07 PM | #457 |
The Blobbit
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*Cries at BC's humour... but I did recently order a JCB... *
Falagar, very good! What's ACoK? On the topic of Decartes: I think I think, therefore I think I am.
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Janny's Songs Janny's lyrics and random photographs Tradition means giving votes to the most obscure of all classes, our ancestors. It is the democracy of the dead. Tradition refuses to submit to the small and arrogant oligarchy of those who happen to be walking about. ~ Mercutio... erm, GK Chesterton. |
05-06-2004, 04:00 PM | #458 |
Death of Mooters and [Entmoot] Internal Affairs
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ACoK - A Clash of Kings (second book in A Song of Ice and Fire).
When I think of it the quote may have been in the third one...
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Fëanor - Innocence incarnated Still, Aikanáro 'till the Last battle. |
05-13-2004, 10:35 AM | #459 |
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A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's
locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, "What's the matter haven't you ever seen a little boy before?" I thought it was funny
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05-13-2004, 12:33 PM | #460 |
mystical divinity of Unashamed Felinity
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It's cute, Elvengirl!! I like it!!
Here's one I found. (Janny should love this one!!! ) Eleven people were hanging on a rope under a helicopter, ten men and one woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, because otherwise they were all going to fall. They weren't able to name that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech. She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids, or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return. As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping their hands.......
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"Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana... |
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