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06-21-2003, 02:51 AM | #1 |
Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Thomas Aquinas College, Santa Paula, CA
Posts: 10,820
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Something less than Criminal Masterminds....
As there are countless stories of the more dim lawbreakers/would-be-lawbreakers, I thought it could be interesting to open a topic to share such stories on.
I'll start, with a true story. One day, my mom was driving down the road, passing pedestrians, etc. As she came up to a stop sign, a man suddenly jumped into her car. Directly thereafter, she jumped out, and the man sped off in her car. So she walked to a gas station and reported the crime to the police. The man was arrested, filling the tank of the vehicle with gas, three blocks down the road. He told the officer that he had thought that the car was on fire, so he jumped in to help the lady. For some bizaare reason, she jumped out of the car. So he noticed that it was low on gas, and decided to go get her some gas. I'll forget this whole thing, officer, if you do. (By the way, the vehicle was, if I remember, a white 1960's Cadillac convertible with the top down, and red gold bags in the back seat. Nice and inconspicuous.)
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Crux fidelis, inter omnes arbor una nobilis. Nulla talem silva profert, fronde, flore, germine. Dulce lignum, dulce clavo, dulce pondus sustinens. 'With a melon?' - Eric Idle |
06-21-2003, 03:59 AM | #2 |
Entmoot Attorney-General,
Equilibrating the Scales of Justice, Administrator ♎ Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Posts: 3,891
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Another true story. Tobey Maguire's father, Vincent Maguire, was going to rob a bank. He needed the money to be able to take care of young Tobey, among other things.
So he robbed the bank, wearing a nice cap. Afterwards, he didn't believe anyone would recognize him as the bank robber, and he didn't bother taking off his cap or changing his clothes. Later the same day someone saw him on the street and immediately recognized him due to his clothes and his cap and called for the police. After Tobey Maguire's success as a movie star, I don't think the family will ever need to rob a bank again.
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An unwritten post is a delightful universe of infinite possibilities. Set down one word, however, and it immediately becomes earthbound. Set down one sentence and it’s halfway to being just like every other bloody entry that’s ever been written. ☻ |
06-21-2003, 11:14 AM | #3 |
Elf Lord
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 516
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Great anecdotes, guys!
If anyone wants to see more go to the Darwin Awards Guaranteed to brighten your day...
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Patriotism is your conviction that this country is superior to all other countries because you were born in it. George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) |
06-21-2003, 02:19 PM | #4 |
Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster
Join Date: Dec 2002
Location: Thomas Aquinas College, Santa Paula, CA
Posts: 10,820
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I think this is a true story, but I'm not sure...
One time, a guy was driving out in the middle of the country, and running quite low on gas. He was far from any town, and very worried. All of a sudden, lo and behold, he came upon a mobile home. He took a tube out of his car, planning to siphon the gas from their tank into his. The next day, the police found a very green, very sick man lying next to the mobile home. He had accidentally siphoned the septic tank. There's another, which I believe is true, and highly amuses me when I picture it. It was captured on security camera. One time, there was a drunk staggering homeward, most likely after being thrown out of the bar. He saw a liquor store, which was closed, and decided to help himself to some free booze. There just happened to be a brick lying lying on the ground, so he picked it up and threw it at the window. Unfortunately for him, the window was made of (plexiglass? not sure), and so the brick bounced back, and hit him in the head. He crumpled unconscious to the floor.
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Crux fidelis, inter omnes arbor una nobilis. Nulla talem silva profert, fronde, flore, germine. Dulce lignum, dulce clavo, dulce pondus sustinens. 'With a melon?' - Eric Idle |
06-21-2003, 04:17 PM | #5 |
Entmoot Attorney-General,
Equilibrating the Scales of Justice, Administrator ♎ Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Stockholm, Sweden
Posts: 3,891
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There was this guy who was going to rob a post office. He went to the pay office and told the woman there that he was going to rob the place. She immediately pushed the alarm button, which made some kind of wall come up between her and the robber.
So the robber couldn't do anything but run. He ran to the door and tried to open it, but it seemed to have been locked when the alarm went off. So he stood right in the middle of the post office waiting for the police to show up. Then an old lady opened the door and entered. It seemed as if the robber had tried to open the door outwards when it was in fact meant to be opened inwards! When the robber saw the old lady enter, he realised his mistake and opened the door INWARDS and ran. But the police was already nearby and could arrest him. This is a true story.
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An unwritten post is a delightful universe of infinite possibilities. Set down one word, however, and it immediately becomes earthbound. Set down one sentence and it’s halfway to being just like every other bloody entry that’s ever been written. ☻ |
06-22-2003, 04:27 PM | #6 |
The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: N?n in Eilph (Belgium)
Posts: 14,363
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Here's a little story I once read on teletext:
A guy tries to car-jack a car that had to stop before a red traffic light. Unfortunately for the carjacker the woman not only manages to hold on to her bag when she was manhandled out of the car but she also manages to take her CAR KEY with her. Needless to say the carjacker had to run. In the afternoon he tries again. He attempts to car-jack a little van at a petrol station. Too bad for him the van belonged to a karateclub and was transporting 6 people with a black belt. Auch.... It never said how it ended.
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We are not things. |
06-22-2003, 11:29 PM | #7 |
The Original Amazonian Coconut
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: Answering no questions, telling no lies.
Posts: 753
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Okay a few robbers were trying to steal something valuable from a ware house, they found the largest heaviest items, and put them in the back of their truck *it was like a u-haul deal* they found out later...they were candy vending machines and dumped the candy on the streets.
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Hem, hem |
06-23-2003, 12:15 AM | #8 |
Slacker
Warrior Admin Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Alabama
Posts: 2,759
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Once these crooks came up with an inventive way to steal a safe from a bank: they would break in the front window, tie a chain around the safe, and then pull the safe out by tying the chain to their truck. So they broke into the bank one night, tied the chain to the safe, tied the other end to the truck and gassed it. The safe came out of the bank without a problem. So they decided to drag it all the way home. They were careening through the streets at break-neck speeds pulling a safe behind them. They see a stop light and figure they need to stop. So they do.
Unfortunately, these guys weren't physics majors and didn't realize that when they stopped, the safe wouldn't. Well it didn't, and the safe ended up smashing into the back of the truck and lifting it off the ground so that they couldn't go anywhere until the cops showed up.
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"If the giving of information is to be the cure of your inquisitiveness, I shall spend all the rest of my days in answering you." Gandalf to Pippin Psalm 107:31 |
06-23-2003, 12:57 PM | #9 |
"The Bomb"
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: all over the place
Posts: 1,601
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I saw this one on Cops at 4 in the morning.
Someone had reported a car theft, and police were chasing after the suspect. He ran from them long enough to allow time for a helicopter to arrive and watch him. Sort of smart, he lost the cops, hid the stolen car in someone's backyard, and ran a couple blocks. He was now far away from the cop cars, but the helicopter still saw him, so he hid under a tree and took of his sweater and reversed his shorts. So he walked out looking behind him like "Who's that guy there?" He might have gotten away with it but he tied the sweater around his waist and the pilot recognised him. Sorry, kind of long.
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Could it be that one path to enlightenment leads through insanity? |
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