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06-25-2003, 07:40 AM | #1 |
Fair Dinkum
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Self-Hate
I've heard that the traits that humans dislike/are repelled by in other people, are often characteristics that they detest in themselves.
Now I'm guessing that this would be on a sub-conscious level, because I, at least, don't actively think 'Oh, wow, she's really arrogant, just like me. I don't like that about her.' (Or something) So if this theory may be true (I wouldn't know), does this ever happen on a conscious level? (Perhaps not like the aforesaid example, but you get my drift) I think that this theory is true to an extent. Certainly, some things that repel me in other people, I realise that I dislike in myself, such as perhaps my selfishness. Other times, I know I don't have some qualities that I detest, which I can find in other people. I'm also fascinated by Hitler's alleged self-hatred. Presently, I can't recall many very good examples of this, but as soon as I do, I will. Wasn't his obsession with the domination of the Aryan race example of this, considering he wouldn't even be regarded as one [an Aryan]? And what of his Jewish lineage- does his Anti-Semitism fanaticism indicate his self-hatred also? What are your thoughts? Could someone who knows more about psychology shed some light onto this? This subject has been interesting me a great deal lately, and I'd just like to know. Comments would be appreciated. (PS: If I'm getting any facts wrong or whatever, please let me know. I don't know that much about either of these) Last edited by Linaewen : 06-26-2003 at 06:49 AM. |
06-25-2003, 07:53 AM | #2 |
Entmoot Attorney-General,
Equilibrating the Scales of Justice, Administrator ♎ Join Date: Jan 2003
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In various countries there are immigrants who wants to be seen upon as natives in the country they now live in. Some of them join racistic groups to sort of show people that they really belong to their new country. They start hating other people with the same ethnic background as themselves. I guess there's some subconscious self-hate there.
Hitler's Jewish lineage is just a rumour. Otherwize it would have been a good example of how someone of a different ethnic background tries to be more like the people around him, the 'Aryans' in this case.
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06-25-2003, 08:19 AM | #3 | |
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Quote:
Which reminds me of how easily people can be manipulated into thinking that something about themselves is 'abnormal' or 'wrong.' The junk that the Media feeds to people these days, especially adolescents, easily makes them feel bad about themselves. This is clear everywhere- do you realise who difficult it is for me to find someone in my age group who is happy with their weight? I am, but there are precious few others who are. And it's largely due to those stick-thin models we are forced to see day after day, on television, in magazines.. (Am I digressing here? No idea! ) |
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06-25-2003, 02:42 PM | #4 |
protector of orphaned rabbits
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that could very well be true.
i am extremely critical of myself (which is not always illustrated here) so there fore i am extremely critical of other people. makes sense to me. but then there's a back wards bit too: i hate having an overlarge bum.. so i don't like kate moss? haha
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06-25-2003, 11:21 PM | #5 | ||
I am Freddie/UNDERCOVER/ Founder of The Great Continent of Entmoot
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Quote:
Now Katie Holmes could sell anything.. But people have to realise - who many people actually look like her? Also - she goes out in NY just dressed normal and doesn't have her hair styled and all that. She doesn't look like her magazine covers when she goes to the store or when she's just relaxing. People not only get information from the media on the way they should look or act - but they also get images of themselves from the people around them. It just matters how much they're going to take to heart and have it dictate their life. Are you going to let someone call you a jackass and let it bother you -or are you just not going care? The only people I care what they think - are people I talk to or know personally. If someone doesn't know me as a person - their opinion doesn't really concern me. I do however wish I was in better shape for the beach and I would much rather be part black or mexican - so I had more of year round tan (my part Italian heritage helps though). I like being tan and I like being in better shape and I feel self conscious on the beach if I'm not. I have come a long way though - when I was younger I even hated mirrors. I hated going into stores or malls that had mirrors all around. It might have been caused by what others thought of how I looked - but now I generally don't care. I still don't like pictures of myself though - but it's not a self hate thing - there are just certain things I wish I could change about myself that I can't. I think hatred and self hatred is a very complicated thing. People's hatred and ridicule was the main motivating force behind all the school shootings (not guns). When people stop judging people by their weight, skin color, their voice, hair, clothing, money (which their is predudice on both sides) and all other things - then peace might be possible in the world. If people can't be civil to one another in the lunch room - how does anyone expect nations to be civil? Here is the lyrics to a Jewel song that goes with hatred and self-hate... Quote:
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06-25-2003, 11:54 PM | #6 |
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I know that people with the mental disorder Social Anxiety Disorder, are very self conscious, and very critical of themselves. They often feel that they are being judged or scrutinized or feel ashamed of themselves because they don't fit with how the media shapes our society. Alot of them are unhappy with themselves and their self-image, which can lead to self-hate.
Last edited by Ragnarok : 06-25-2003 at 11:56 PM. |
06-26-2003, 12:00 AM | #7 |
Domesticated Swing Babe
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ugh! Something about being older (you know all the horrible crap you gone through and suffered with) makes you quit hating yourself! After a certain age, it seems you start to really "love yourself"..warts, flaws and all! I think some "self hate" might come from the way young people are all thrown together in a big group (school) and compared with each other constantly for 12 or more years! It's not natural! As far as hating in others the things you hate in yourself...well..you relate best to what you "know" I guess!
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06-26-2003, 12:35 AM | #8 |
Elf Lord
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Ah, self hate. A subject that I sadly am rather familiar with...blah.
I do believe it can happen at a concious level, because I've done it before. I actually remember commenting to a friend "I don't like that girl because she reminds me of me." However, I've gone through fairly severe stages of self hate, mostly in junior high and my freshman year of high school. I mostly love myself now, but I still have moments of shame that creep up on me, telling me I'm a horrible person and shouldn't love myself because I'm not perfect. I'm getting better at supressing it though. I think most self hate probably emerges around junior high, with that lovely onset of puberty and all. Junior high is horrible, I think, because everyone becomes so judgemental and hormonal. Being rejected from a group and having no friends is one of the worst feelings you could ever experience, and a lot of people go through that in junior high.
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06-26-2003, 01:00 AM | #9 |
Rohirrim Warrior
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Interesting song about self-hate.
Shadows Fall Idle Hands Just a word all it takes to set it off Uncontrolled all restraint has been lost Absorbing more than I can stand Of these self defeating unreal demands Giving into frustrations command The devil makes good use with idle hands Overwhelming desire to react I am too far gone forever turning back Looking for something to lash out at Turning inward it is myself that I attack The anger grows inside everyday Unquechable I have become my own prey From where has this rage been spawned? Been building deep inside for far too long Forgotten memories buried and hidden creating my own emotional prison Can it be that i have lost? Control of my actions and my thoughts |
06-26-2003, 04:13 AM | #10 |
Alasailon
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Self-hate eh? Well it can be bad but it also can be good. Since mostly everybody is familiar with reasons why it can be bad, I'll list a few things I have done in the past that turned self-hate into a constructive thing, or at least not the worst alternative.
#1 - If I couldn't find anybody to blame, I'd blame myself. It gives me good motivation to figure out what went wrong and how to fix it even though it's not really my problem. #2 - Hating myself has prevented me from hating the rest of the world like all the hardcore cynics, and has kept me from going postal a long time ago. #3 - Realizing that certain aspects of my personality are less than desireable, I consciously look for them in other people as a reminder of what NOT to do.
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06-26-2003, 07:56 AM | #11 | ||
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Quote:
Good luck with battling the self-hatred, Starr. You too, anyone else who battles it. (Lucky Lizra!) Quote:
Anglorfin, but is that really self-hate? (referring to point 3) IMO, it's not self-hate, but realising that one has faults, and should strive to get rid of them. Ok, now I think I need a definition of 'self-hate'. (It's making my response to Anglorfin's post a bit difficult) Just how much does one need to dislike something about themselves for it to be deemed 'self-hatred'? 'Cause there are some minor cases of someone disliking some aspect of themselves (which is normal), and I wouldn't call these 'self-hate'. Hate, IMO, is a very strong word. Therefore, if you hate yourself, it'd have to be pretty a pretty strong feeling of loathing. Last edited by Linaewen : 06-26-2003 at 07:59 AM. |
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06-26-2003, 08:02 PM | #12 |
Elf Lord
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Actual self-hate to me is just complete and utter hatred of one's entire person, or believing that the bad aspects of yourself outweigh the good. Been there, done that. It's not a pleasant experience, of course. It's not a good thing to want to destroy yourself.
Thanks for your support on my battle with self-hate, but I'm definitely not nearly as extreme as I was in junior high and the beginning of high school. I think part of it is just growing up and realizing that everyone, including yourself, has good points and bad points. However, the bad points aren't necessarily unfixable, it's just a lot of work to change them. You also learn to accept that there are some aspects of your personality that you will never change. I have a tendency to be extremely sarcastic and insult everyone when I'm in a bad mood, and though I still do slip, I've improved greatly by trying to watch my mouth. I've also learned to recognize what I"m angry at, instead of directing the rage at myself.
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“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.” –Bertrand Russell |
06-26-2003, 08:27 PM | #13 |
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....Reflection in someone's eye
Is all I see I sometimes hate myself I sometimes hate myself I look into the future Darkness lies ahead A shadow of a man that once was A shadow of a man that once was... a verse from Ikon's Comdenation. I broke out of my dark spell by realizing I am human and I will never match the ideals placed on me by myself, others, or society as a whole. Also, most other people won't either. I can't beat myself up of for being imperfect. This does not mean surrender all an join the lost. I will err and fail and feeling inadequate. This is what binds us as people. It this well in which sympathy and compassions flows. Maybe the sooner we realize that are all children of flesh and feelings and that we all hurt the better the world may be.
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06-27-2003, 04:47 PM | #14 | |
Alasailon
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"and then this hobbit was walking, and then this elf jumped out of a bush and totally flipped out on him while wailing on his guitar." "Anglorfin was tall and straight; his hair was of shining gold, his face fair and young and fearless and full of anger; his eyes were bright and keen, and his voice like music; on his brow sat wisdom, and in his hand was great skill." |
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06-28-2003, 08:54 PM | #15 |
Fair Dinkum
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Just a general question: if you were someone else, do you think that you would be friends with/like yourself? Why/why not?
I don't think I would- I'd probably find myself too annoying and self-centred. |
06-28-2003, 09:39 PM | #16 |
Dread Mothy Lord and Halfwitted Apprentice Loremaster
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I doubt it, as I don't especially like myself as it is.
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06-28-2003, 11:44 PM | #17 |
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Battle self-hatred? HA! I've stopped battling it and just accepted the fact that I hate myself, no matter what I do to make me like myself, it doesn't work.
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06-29-2003, 01:05 AM | #18 | |
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06-29-2003, 01:15 AM | #19 | |
Alasailon
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"and then this hobbit was walking, and then this elf jumped out of a bush and totally flipped out on him while wailing on his guitar." "Anglorfin was tall and straight; his hair was of shining gold, his face fair and young and fearless and full of anger; his eyes were bright and keen, and his voice like music; on his brow sat wisdom, and in his hand was great skill." |
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06-29-2003, 03:15 AM | #20 | |
Elf Lord
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“The whole problem with the world is that fools and fanatics are always so certain of themselves, but wiser people so full of doubts.” –Bertrand Russell |
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