What DO women really want?

Kyote Fields · 03-08-2002, 07:57 PM

Had a conversation with a girl-friend recently who has not had a date in a long time. She says she's waiting for the right guy. Now here's my deal. I know deep down she's want's me to think the old "he's got to be loyal and honest and pure and a model citizen with a PhD. blahblah" but I know for a darn hard FACT that she wants a 6 foot stud with biceps bigger then his brains.
I've reached this conclution because she will never get to know the guys she turns down because SHE DOESN'T GO OUT WITH THEM!!! I confronted her with this after which she placed the issue on the ground and danced prettily around it.
So do you women want looks or smarts? If you couldn't have both, which would it be? Which attracts you first?

Laurelyn · 03-08-2002, 08:09 PM

If I am being forced to date, there's no way I'd date an idiot.

Elvet · 03-08-2002, 09:05 PM

Looks get my attention, but smarts keep it.

XRogue · 03-08-2002, 09:27 PM

When I was dating, I went for brains. Now I'm married to a smart but plain looking computer geek. And I'm very comfortable with that, because we actually have quite a bit in common.

mirrille · 03-08-2002, 10:50 PM

I say don't think about it too much. Every woman is a little different. You got your superficial ones who just want looks, money, car, blah blah blah. You got the other ones who want a sense of humour (looking for someone "fun"). You got girls who like to be pampered, and other ones that will bite your head off if you try to act like they can't help themselves. Some girls like bad boys, some like good boys. You never can generalize so easily.

I can only speak for myself. I like sweet, smart boys, educated. No smokers or alcoholics please. Good manners and considerate and kind. Shares similar interest. Speaks my language (it's ok if it's a different dialect as long as it's close enough). There is a minimum "looks" requirement though. I tend to look at faces, so I don't care as much about biceps. But most importantly, secure enough to not get nervous if I do my own thing. The guys I've gone out with got too possessive in the end. I'm putting off dating for the moment.

So Kyote, I can empathize with your frustration, but if there was a magic formula, every guy would be dating a supermodel.

Arian · 03-08-2002, 11:19 PM

I agree with all of you. I guy should be sweet, sentimtle, (sp??) and kind, loving, genrous, wants to please me, doesn't get jelous, doesn't get mad 24/7 and is good sense of humor along with brains. And I also agree on no smoking or acholics. Well that's pretty much it, for my guy, also good job and takes care when I'm in need and helps out, and says he loves me. Also make sweet coments. Uh, anything else.

One thing, he doesn't cuss a lot. That's it.

I think??!!

galadriel88 · 03-09-2002, 03:13 AM

Well to me, there's no point in having a guy who is drop dead gorgeous but doesn't have a lick of sense. Guys like that are just not attractive to me. I want someone that I can have an intelligent conversation with and is sweet and funny. It also helps if they are of the same religion as me. If they happen to be good looking, all the better for me!

***anduin*** · 03-09-2002, 04:03 AM

Perhaps your friend is not too intelligent herself. In that case someone good looking but an idiot would be just fine for her.

Two of the most mentioned criteria for a mate: looks and brains, but there is another....responsibility. If you are considering marriage ,this will become more important than either of these.

**crickhollow** · 03-09-2002, 04:37 AM

Good stuff, all good stuff.

I would add (besides the usual: watch-how-he-treats-his-mother-because-that's-how-he-will-end-up-treating-you, which is all very important, but I get the feel that we're all agreeing that character is important) that any guy I date will first and foremost be my friend. Kyote if you have other reasons for doubting your friend, I won't argue (after all, you know your friend better than I do

!), but there are other ways to get to know a person of the opposite sex besides dating. I would argue that you don't actually get to know the real person through dating. You get to know their mask, or masks.

When a guy who hasn't taken the time to get to know me (NOT as a potential interest, but as a friend) asks me out, it tells me that he's not really interested in me. I take it as a signal that perhaps HE is the shallow one. Is that a wrong assumption?

anyway, those are my thoughts.

afro-elf · 03-09-2002, 06:23 AM

arian i assume from those comments that you are quite young

whew good luck

to mirrile I assume that means chinese dialect

does that mean you only chinese

does that leave out non-chinese speaking chinese who are really cool

what about non chinese who speak chinese

if the last one counts

then

KNEE HOW MA?

Darth Tater · 03-09-2002, 10:57 AM

Lies, all lies. All any of you care about is looks, just admit it!

Ararax · 03-09-2002, 12:22 PM

in my opinion as a male who has dated 8 females in the past 4 years of my life, women dont know what they want, the trick is certain women can get anything, and im not talking about looks either, seriously the one girl who i fell most for was not the hottest girl i ever dated, i mean she was really hot like beauty pagent hot but i dated hotter girls who i didnt feel anything close to the way i felt with her, the thing is like every guy falls for her, its just something about her, you know whats funny, shes one of the most unhapy people i know, seriously she goes through guys way worse then i went through girlfriends, my point is they dont know what they want and when they think they do they change their mind again, therefore girls do not know what they want,

FrodoFriend · 03-09-2002, 01:37 PM

Hmm. I don't date anymore. But if I did . . . I like guys who are like me, which is to say: anti-social, different from most other people, and enamored with reading. And it helps a whole lot if they're into music too. Personality-wise all I ask for is decency. "Decent" meaning "not possessive, not treating me like an object, not going out with me because he wants to 'get some', not acting like I'm his inferior." You'd be surprised how hard it is to find a guy like that. Or maybe it's just teenagers, I don't know.

Elvet · 03-09-2002, 01:40 PM

I get the sense that the ages of the responders are in the 20's?
Perhaps I should quantify my previous response by saying that as a 40-something, I feel that the cerebral is what is important.

notthatinnocent · 03-09-2002, 02:37 PM

Some one said "Looks get my attention but brains keep it". I couldn't agree with you more. I don' twant a super model stud that's as dumb as a telephone pole. He can be attractive, but he's also gotta be smart enough so that I don't get so frustrated with him that I rip his head off. I have to have a guy that's understanding, but not gushy. He has to be funny, but not a comedian all the time. He can be a little cocky, but too much of his self love will drive me over the edge. He can cuse, it really doesnt' matter to me. I don't cuse all that often but I have friends that do, so I'm kinda used to it. He can drink once and a while, but if he gets drunk more than 2 times a week, somethings wrong. And he can't be a heavy smoker. I don't like smokers but I will make him quit

. My grandmother died two years ago from lung cancer, my great aunt can't walk more than 4 feet at a time with her oxygen tank with out sitting down becuase her emphazema is so bad. Smae with my great uncle. I don't understand why someone would want to do that to their body. Anywho, those are my perfect guy qualities.

-Laura

**crickhollow** · 03-09-2002, 02:47 PM

Quote:

Lies, all lies. All any of you care about is looks, just admit it!

Watch it, Darth, there are just as many shallow males out there as shallow females. You can't convince me that the majority of guys are thinking: "Oh, she has a great sense of humor, and from the conversations I've had with her, she seems like a reasonable and well adjusted person, concerned with the same social issues as I am. I would like to get to know her on a more personal level not because of how she looks, but because of her absolutely dazzling intellect."

Pah-leeeeeez. What a bunch of hooey.

The majority of males are thinking: "oh, baby, she's hot."

Rána Eressëa · 03-09-2002, 02:47 PM

Well...someone once said, "When you fall for the body: it's lust. When you fall for the face: it's love."

In a sense, that's true, because most bodies pretty much are the same thing, but the face is what separates us (excluding the likes of twins and such). When you can stand to look at the same face every single day and love it - then that's real love.

Now personality is a completely different thing. It's what keeps you in love, or so I believe. Then again, though, I'm pretty young and I don't know much of anything about love - but I'm a logical person. Looks do and will affect to some extent how you feel about someone, but it could be more or less to personality. It's really up to certain people which has more of an affect.

For me, though, it's just a mix of everything. They can't have just looks, and they can't have just personality. Everything, no matter how big or small, matters somehow.

Laurenis · 03-09-2002, 03:04 PM

um i'm not shallow at all but i refuse to believe people who say that only personality matters. ofcourse it's a HUGE deal, if not (debatably) the most important thing, but i personally really feel that looks are a big part too.

I think you gotta be physically attracted to someone in the first place to actually go upto them and start a conversation etc... I don't think i've ever seen a guy and thought, 'wow, he looks like a really interesting and fun person i could spend the rest of my life with!', but there does have to be some physical attraction to catch my eye.

but also i gotta contradict myself in that if hes a friend first then the more you get to know the person the more good looking they become in your eyes, if you become really close. it really is a mixture of things but yeh personality is what keeps you with the guy after about the first week. i dont think anyone can stay with someone much longer than that just for looks. the guy could be a loser, or a paedo, or evil, or stupid or....... you know what i mean

The Ring Mistro · 03-09-2002, 03:05 PM

Love at first sight ...AS IF !!!!

**crickhollow** · 03-09-2002, 03:07 PM

well, now all you fellas can take a look at the qualities we girls expect to you to have. *haha*

Kyote, I guess you could tell your friend what guys are looking for, and tell her not to WAIT for the perfect guy, but if she won't date, she can spend her spare time becoming the perfect girl. Then maybe she'll attract the perfect guy and they can live happily ever after.

For serious, though, girls. If we expect this much from our guys, we have a lot of work to do on ourselves.

03-08-2002, 07:57 PM	#1
Kyote Fields Elven Warrior Join Date: Aug 2001 Location: California Posts: 218	What DO women really want? Had a conversation with a girl-friend recently who has not had a date in a long time. She says she's waiting for the right guy. Now here's my deal. I know deep down she's want's me to think the old "he's got to be loyal and honest and pure and a model citizen with a PhD. blahblah" but I know for a darn hard FACT that she wants a 6 foot stud with biceps bigger then his brains. I've reached this conclution because she will never get to know the guys she turns down because SHE DOESN'T GO OUT WITH THEM!!! I confronted her with this after which she placed the issue on the ground and danced prettily around it. So do you women want looks or smarts? If you couldn't have both, which would it be? Which attracts you first? __________________ No longer posting. If you'd like to write to me I can be reached at kyote_fields@hotmail.com. It was nice knowing all of you.

03-08-2002, 08:09 PM	#2
Laurelyn Elf Lord Join Date: Jan 2002 Location: Valinor, right next to Telperion . . . what did you expect, Michigan? Posts: 1,315	If I am being forced to date, there's no way I'd date an idiot. __________________ The Third Age of Entmoot has begun. Angel of music, guide and guardian! Grant to me your glory! The country I eat and spend the day in is by no means the country I sleep and dream in. Define patriotism. Hold the boat, you spastic monkey! ~ Elenka

03-08-2002, 09:05 PM	#3
Elvet Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Orillia, Ontario Posts: 221	Looks get my attention, but smarts keep it. __________________ "But do not despise the lore that has come down from distant years; for oft it may chance that old wives keep in memory word of things that once were needful for the wise to know."

03-08-2002, 09:27 PM	#4
XRogue Elven Warrior Join Date: May 2000 Location: D/FW Texas, USA Posts: 345	When I was dating, I went for brains. Now I'm married to a smart but plain looking computer geek. And I'm very comfortable with that, because we actually have quite a bit in common. __________________ Farewell wherever you fare, till your Eyries recieve you at the journey's end.

03-08-2002, 11:19 PM	#6
Arian Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: IL (or from mist world) Posts: 261	I agree with all of you. I guy should be sweet, sentimtle, (sp??) and kind, loving, genrous, wants to please me, doesn't get jelous, doesn't get mad 24/7 and is good sense of humor along with brains. And I also agree on no smoking or acholics. Well that's pretty much it, for my guy, also good job and takes care when I'm in need and helps out, and says he loves me. Also make sweet coments. Uh, anything else. One thing, he doesn't cuss a lot. That's it. I think??!! __________________ "I'm not a immature as I seem, but you got to have fun once in a while." Last edited by Arian : 03-09-2002 at 12:19 AM.

03-08-2002, 10:50 PM	#5
mirrille Elven Warrior Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Canada Posts: 479	I say don't think about it too much. Every woman is a little different. You got your superficial ones who just want looks, money, car, blah blah blah. You got the other ones who want a sense of humour (looking for someone "fun"). You got girls who like to be pampered, and other ones that will bite your head off if you try to act like they can't help themselves. Some girls like bad boys, some like good boys. You never can generalize so easily. I can only speak for myself. I like sweet, smart boys, educated. No smokers or alcoholics please. Good manners and considerate and kind. Shares similar interest. Speaks my language (it's ok if it's a different dialect as long as it's close enough). There is a minimum "looks" requirement though. I tend to look at faces, so I don't care as much about biceps. But most importantly, secure enough to not get nervous if I do my own thing. The guys I've gone out with got too possessive in the end. I'm putting off dating for the moment. So Kyote, I can empathize with your frustration, but if there was a magic formula, every guy would be dating a supermodel.

03-09-2002, 03:13 AM	#7
galadriel88 Halfwitted Queen of Lothlorien Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Far off in a dream Posts: 1,166	Well to me, there's no point in having a guy who is drop dead gorgeous but doesn't have a lick of sense. Guys like that are just not attractive to me. I want someone that I can have an intelligent conversation with and is sweet and funny. It also helps if they are of the same religion as me. If they happen to be good looking, all the better for me! __________________ The beuatiful mind/The beautiful heart/Doesn't deserve the pain/How can I stop the rain? -How Can I Stop the Rain? by Kessid, my new favorite band +Every good thing that comes into my life is only a reflection of the greatest gift of all; the offering of yourself, dear Son of God+ Always remember, you're uniqe, just like everybody else! "The one constant through all the years has been the Trombone. America has rolled by like an army of steamrollers. Its been erased like a blackboard, rebuilt and erased again, but the Trombone has marked the time. This field, this section, this band is a part of our past. It reminds us of all that once was good, and could be again. Oh, people will come . . . people will most definitely come."

03-09-2002, 04:03 AM	#8
*anduin* Entwife Join Date: Oct 1999 Location: louisville Posts: 3,718	Perhaps your friend is not too intelligent herself. In that case someone good looking but an idiot would be just fine for her. Two of the most mentioned criteria for a mate: looks and brains, but there is another....responsibility. If you are considering marriage ,this will become more important than either of these.

03-09-2002, 04:37 AM	#9
crickhollow The Buckleberry Fairy/Captain Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Washington State again (I miss Texas). Posts: 1,345	Good stuff, all good stuff. I would add (besides the usual: watch-how-he-treats-his-mother-because-that's-how-he-will-end-up-treating-you, which is all very important, but I get the feel that we're all agreeing that character is important) that any guy I date will first and foremost be my friend. Kyote if you have other reasons for doubting your friend, I won't argue (after all, you know your friend better than I do !), but there are other ways to get to know a person of the opposite sex besides dating. I would argue that you don't actually get to know the real person through dating. You get to know their mask, or masks. When a guy who hasn't taken the time to get to know me (NOT as a potential interest, but as a friend) asks me out, it tells me that he's not really interested in me. I take it as a signal that perhaps HE is the shallow one. Is that a wrong assumption? anyway, those are my thoughts. __________________ A day will come at last when I Shall take the hidden paths that run West of the Moon, East of the Sun.

03-09-2002, 06:23 AM	#10
afro-elf Hoplite Nomad Join Date: Sep 2001 Posts: 3,931	arian i assume from those comments that you are quite young whew good luck to mirrile I assume that means chinese dialect does that mean you only chinese does that leave out non-chinese speaking chinese who are really cool what about non chinese who speak chinese if the last one counts then KNEE HOW MA? __________________ About Eowyn, Does anyone know what her alias Dernhelm means? She was kown as dernhelm because of her exclaimation when she realized that the rider's headgear was heavy and obscured her sight. 'Dern Helm" Culled from Entmoot From Kirinski 57 and Wayfarer.

03-09-2002, 10:57 AM	#11
Darth Tater The man Join Date: Sep 1999 Location: MA Posts: 4,572	Lies, all lies. All any of you care about is looks, just admit it! __________________ Visit the worlds greatest webpage! No, not The Tolkien Trail! Just click this! The Tolkien Trail ~Camelot

03-09-2002, 12:22 PM	#12
Ararax Elven Warrior Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: NEW JERSEY! Posts: 375	in my opinion as a male who has dated 8 females in the past 4 years of my life, women dont know what they want, the trick is certain women can get anything, and im not talking about looks either, seriously the one girl who i fell most for was not the hottest girl i ever dated, i mean she was really hot like beauty pagent hot but i dated hotter girls who i didnt feel anything close to the way i felt with her, the thing is like every guy falls for her, its just something about her, you know whats funny, shes one of the most unhapy people i know, seriously she goes through guys way worse then i went through girlfriends, my point is they dont know what they want and when they think they do they change their mind again, therefore girls do not know what they want, __________________ Woah Deep

03-09-2002, 01:37 PM	#13
FrodoFriend Halfwitted Join Date: Dec 2001 Location: Eryn Vorn Posts: 1,659	Hmm. I don't date anymore. But if I did . . . I like guys who are like me, which is to say: anti-social, different from most other people, and enamored with reading. And it helps a whole lot if they're into music too. Personality-wise all I ask for is decency. "Decent" meaning "not possessive, not treating me like an object, not going out with me because he wants to 'get some', not acting like I'm his inferior." You'd be surprised how hard it is to find a guy like that. Or maybe it's just teenagers, I don't know. __________________ Fingolfin lives! ... in my finger! The Crossroads of Arda - Warning. Halfwit content. Not appropriate for people with IQ of over 18. The Fellowship of the Message Board Nyáréonié - The Tale of Tears

03-09-2002, 01:40 PM	#14
Elvet Elven Warrior Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: Orillia, Ontario Posts: 221	I get the sense that the ages of the responders are in the 20's? Perhaps I should quantify my previous response by saying that as a 40-something, I feel that the cerebral is what is important. __________________ "But do not despise the lore that has come down from distant years; for oft it may chance that old wives keep in memory word of things that once were needful for the wise to know."

03-09-2002, 02:37 PM	#15
notthatinnocent Enting Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: California Posts: 83	Some one said "Looks get my attention but brains keep it". I couldn't agree with you more. I don' twant a super model stud that's as dumb as a telephone pole. He can be attractive, but he's also gotta be smart enough so that I don't get so frustrated with him that I rip his head off. I have to have a guy that's understanding, but not gushy. He has to be funny, but not a comedian all the time. He can be a little cocky, but too much of his self love will drive me over the edge. He can cuse, it really doesnt' matter to me. I don't cuse all that often but I have friends that do, so I'm kinda used to it. He can drink once and a while, but if he gets drunk more than 2 times a week, somethings wrong. And he can't be a heavy smoker. I don't like smokers but I will make him quit . My grandmother died two years ago from lung cancer, my great aunt can't walk more than 4 feet at a time with her oxygen tank with out sitting down becuase her emphazema is so bad. Smae with my great uncle. I don't understand why someone would want to do that to their body. Anywho, those are my perfect guy qualities. -Laura __________________ "I may be dead, but I'm still pretty. Which is more than I can say for you." -Buffy in "Prophecy Girl"

03-09-2002, 02:47 PM	#17
Rána Eressëa The Rogue Elf Join Date: Jan 2002 Posts: 1,722	Well...someone once said, "When you fall for the body: it's lust. When you fall for the face: it's love." In a sense, that's true, because most bodies pretty much are the same thing, but the face is what separates us (excluding the likes of twins and such). When you can stand to look at the same face every single day and love it - then that's real love. Now personality is a completely different thing. It's what keeps you in love, or so I believe. Then again, though, I'm pretty young and I don't know much of anything about love - but I'm a logical person. Looks do and will affect to some extent how you feel about someone, but it could be more or less to personality. It's really up to certain people which has more of an affect. For me, though, it's just a mix of everything. They can't have just looks, and they can't have just personality. Everything, no matter how big or small, matters somehow.

03-09-2002, 03:04 PM	#18
Laurenis Enting Join Date: Feb 2002 Location: England/FL Posts: 85	um i'm not shallow at all but i refuse to believe people who say that only personality matters. ofcourse it's a HUGE deal, if not (debatably) the most important thing, but i personally really feel that looks are a big part too. I think you gotta be physically attracted to someone in the first place to actually go upto them and start a conversation etc... I don't think i've ever seen a guy and thought, 'wow, he looks like a really interesting and fun person i could spend the rest of my life with!', but there does have to be some physical attraction to catch my eye. but also i gotta contradict myself in that if hes a friend first then the more you get to know the person the more good looking they become in your eyes, if you become really close. it really is a mixture of things but yeh personality is what keeps you with the guy after about the first week. i dont think anyone can stay with someone much longer than that just for looks. the guy could be a loser, or a paedo, or evil, or stupid or....... you know what i mean __________________ 'Therefore he willed that the hearts of Men should seek beyond the world and should find no rest therein; but they should have a virtue to shape their life, amid the powers and chances of the world, beyond the Music of the Ainur, which is as fate to all things else; and of their operation everything should be, in form and deed, completed, and the world fulfilled unto the last and smallest.'

03-09-2002, 03:05 PM	#19
The Ring Mistro Sapling Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: on earth . . . . . . : somewhere ? Posts: 10	Love at first sight ...AS IF !!!!

03-09-2002, 03:07 PM	#20
crickhollow The Buckleberry Fairy/Captain Join Date: Mar 2002 Location: Washington State again (I miss Texas). Posts: 1,345	well, now all you fellas can take a look at the qualities we girls expect to you to have. haha Kyote, I guess you could tell your friend what guys are looking for, and tell her not to WAIT for the perfect guy, but if she won't date, she can spend her spare time becoming the perfect girl. Then maybe she'll attract the perfect guy and they can live happily ever after. For serious, though, girls. If we expect this much from our guys, we have a lot of work to do on ourselves. __________________ A day will come at last when I Shall take the hidden paths that run West of the Moon, East of the Sun.

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