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06-04-2007, 11:51 PM | #1 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Wandering in circles until they become triangles
Posts: 292
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Discussion Thread for the Tale of Sky Blue
The title says it all: I'd deeply appreciate any sort of advice or criticism on this story, as well as what anyone thinks of it so far. Don't worry about being brutally honest about anything; I can handle it, trust me.
I'd also like any ideas you may have on the story or what you'd like to see it go to next. Trust me, I'm nowhere near done with it. Also, thanks to anyone who is reading it, and I hope you've enjoyed doing so as much as I have writing it. |
06-05-2007, 08:23 PM | #2 |
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
Posts: 6,343
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I just finished reading that of it that you've so far posted, Tuinor. I'm enjoying the plot structure . . . it's quite interesting. The ideas in the prologue got me interested from the start, and I like your idea of having Aisha and the Master traitors from the rest of this order.
I really like how the story is currently centered on a few important characters, without involving all kinds of nameless troops. Keeping the action between main good guys and main bad guys without involving many troops-to-be-busted really helps stories, I think. That's the ideal, I think, and it's cool that you've been able to keep to that so far. I know that, unfortunately, sometimes putting nameless troops into the story is necessary . . . it sometimes is in my own book. But you've avoided that so far, so keep that up as long as you can . The dialogue in your story between Liera and Tuinor didn't always hold me because it was often (though not always) pretty much casual chatting. I liked Sky's bashfulness and defensiveness, though. In the beginning sentences, after the prologue, you mention that the city looked "colossal," and that Tuinor had great amazement, but that doesn't really paint a picture for me to grasp in my mind so that I know what he's seeing and what his perspective is. So including some more description there would be nice. Also I got rather confused by the continuous references to "it" that were occurring in the order's council. I didn't know what they were talking about, so the dialogue there was somewhat hard to follow. I really like the ideas you're using. The plot doesn't seem at all stereotypical to me, and it doesn't seem similar to any books I've read. So I'm really enjoying it . That nightmare sequence sure did get dramatic, especially with the conclusion. Having major characters betray their order in the end of the scene really makes clear the importance of the sequence. That was really dramatic, both exciting and character-driven. A lot of major events occurred in that little bit of space . . . and that really made things exciting. Packing major events together so that they happen quickly can keep the reader very interested all the time, which is important, even if it leads to a shorter story. I think that what I like best about your story at present really is the plot structure, how it doesn't follow a pattern I've seen before and is very character focused. Oh, just to let you know, it may take a while for me to read any more after you post it, so don't take it askance if I'm a slug.
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If the world has indeed, as I have said, been built of sorrow, it has been built by the hands of love, because in no other way could the soul of man, for whom the world was made, reach the full stature of its perfection. ~Oscar Wilde, written from prison Oscar Wilde's last words: "Either the wallpaper goes, or I do." Last edited by Lief Erikson : 06-05-2007 at 08:51 PM. |
06-06-2007, 07:39 PM | #3 | ||||||||||
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Wandering in circles until they become triangles
Posts: 292
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Just as a fun question, and there's no right answer, but... Which character is your favorite? Quote:
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06-07-2007, 12:08 AM | #4 | |||||||||
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
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Writing things in a way that comes across as natural for the characters is fine, but boring . . . I'd steer clear of that, if I were you. Quote:
Or if you'd rather keep it more completely secret, like it currently is, perhaps they'd have some code word to refer to it? Or some special name for it that only they use? Those kinds of things might help the conversation to flow more easily. Quote:
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Have you written many stories or books before this one? Quote:
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I like having my statements all responded to very much . Not that anyone has to, of course, but I do appreciate it.
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If the world has indeed, as I have said, been built of sorrow, it has been built by the hands of love, because in no other way could the soul of man, for whom the world was made, reach the full stature of its perfection. ~Oscar Wilde, written from prison Oscar Wilde's last words: "Either the wallpaper goes, or I do." Last edited by Lief Erikson : 06-07-2007 at 12:10 AM. |
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06-07-2007, 12:54 AM | #5 | ||||
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Wandering in circles until they become triangles
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I gotta go , but I'll try to reply to the rest of your post later. |
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06-07-2007, 01:59 AM | #6 | ||||
Elf Lord
Join Date: Dec 2000
Location: Fountain Valley, CA
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If the world has indeed, as I have said, been built of sorrow, it has been built by the hands of love, because in no other way could the soul of man, for whom the world was made, reach the full stature of its perfection. ~Oscar Wilde, written from prison Oscar Wilde's last words: "Either the wallpaper goes, or I do." Last edited by Lief Erikson : 06-07-2007 at 02:01 AM. |
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03-04-2008, 04:06 AM | #7 |
Elf Lady
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Location: In the lands where mountains are but a fairytale
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I think you should IF it doesn't hurt the story to shorten it. But sofar I really enjoyed the story. It is accessible and fun. So whatever you do I certainly don't think you'll make a fool out of yourself by submitting it!
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Love always, deeply and true ★ Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. ★ Friendship is sharing openly, laughing often, trusting always, caring deeply.
...The Earth laughs in flowers ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Hamatreya"... |
03-05-2008, 05:37 PM | #8 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
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Word of advice, Tuinor: Only if it won't bring down the story or ruin it. I'll admit, I did that once for a story contest. Page limit was 5 pages. The story I had was over that. I had to cut all of the flashback scenes I had that added to the story. Reading back, I realize I hurt the story by cutting out parts. IF you think you can shorten it without harming the storyline, do it. It's really up to you.
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
03-06-2008, 09:14 AM | #9 |
Elven Warrior
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Wandering in circles until they become triangles
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Thank you all for the advice. Do not worry, I don't intend on ruining the story. In fact, I've decided not to enter "Sky Blue" at all, but another story I'm writing that focuses on one of my favorite characters in my main works. (Tuinor, who is my namesake here on the moot) If any of you have the time, I'd like to ask if you might help me out by reading it over and giving me some feedback if I post it in another Thread here in the Writers Workshop.
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03-11-2008, 09:05 PM | #10 | |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
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03-07-2008, 02:02 PM | #11 |
Elf Lady
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In the lands where mountains are but a fairytale
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Love to! Any excuse to read.
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Love always, deeply and true ★ Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. ★ Friendship is sharing openly, laughing often, trusting always, caring deeply.
...The Earth laughs in flowers ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Hamatreya"... |
04-04-2008, 08:00 AM | #12 |
Elf Lady
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In the lands where mountains are but a fairytale
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Yay! Updatedness!
__________________
Love always, deeply and true ★ Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. ★ Friendship is sharing openly, laughing often, trusting always, caring deeply.
...The Earth laughs in flowers ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Hamatreya"... |
04-15-2008, 12:50 PM | #13 |
Elf Lady
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: In the lands where mountains are but a fairytale
Posts: 8,588
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o_O Cliffhanger...
Which cloak is which? O_o The suspense...
__________________
Love always, deeply and true ★ Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. ★ Friendship is sharing openly, laughing often, trusting always, caring deeply.
...The Earth laughs in flowers ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Hamatreya"... |
04-15-2008, 02:35 PM | #14 |
Entmoot's Drunken Uncle
Join Date: May 2005
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04-15-2008, 02:38 PM | #15 | |
Elf Lady
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Oh well, I guess it was a nice one, for a 3000th post
__________________
Love always, deeply and true ★ Friends are those rare people who ask how we are and then wait to hear the answer. ★ Friendship is sharing openly, laughing often, trusting always, caring deeply.
...The Earth laughs in flowers ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson, "Hamatreya"... |
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04-15-2008, 07:40 PM | #16 |
Kraken King
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Under the sea
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Very nice, T. Very nice indeed. Have fun with your tickle fight.
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One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons |
04-23-2008, 06:27 PM | #17 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
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Eep! Cliffhanger! I love cliffhangers! I can guess who the first cloaked figure is but who the *bleep* is the second one? Who got Snow? Ahh, the suspense! I love it
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
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