|
02-29-2004, 03:47 PM | #1 |
Hobbit
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Athgar, Tower of Darkness
Posts: 21
|
After the Ring
CHAPTER I
THE SCOURING OF MORGUL Elessar stood high upon the breast of the morning sun, gazing down at the now re-made Minas Tirith. The White Tower gleamed down in the cove of Mount Mindolluin. Gimli had indeed been buse with Twain and his folk. The Dwarves had come to aid in repairing the city, while Legolas and Thranduil, with folk of Mirkwood came with gifts from Lorien, and planted many flowers and trees. He peered down now as the city shimmered in the morning sun. A frigid wind blew throughout the streets. Eomer's men from Rohan yet dwelled in Minas Tirith, helping rebuild it to it's former glory. The days of late were beautiful, now the three kindred were friends and happy with eachother. Faramir dwelled now in Ithilien, in a city he had named Minas Borum, in honour of his brother.... This is a sample I've been working on. I plan not togo anywhere but some feedback would be nice.
__________________
Teacher just called me young man? |
02-29-2004, 05:19 PM | #2 |
Lurker
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Lothlórien
Posts: 3,419
|
I like it, very well written.
A few nitpicks- 'Gimli had indeed been buse' should read 'Gimli had indeed been busy'. And Twain I think should be Dain. Lorien should be Lórien; Eomer should be Éomer. (If you didn't have access to the ó or É characters before, you can now just copy/paste mine.) 'Three kindred' should propably be 'three kindreds', and 'each other' is two words. But those are just minor spelling nitpicks. Overall, beautiful, and I hope you continue.
__________________
There's antimony, arsenic, aluminum, selenium... |
03-05-2004, 04:38 PM | #3 |
Enting
Join Date: Dec 2003
Location: US of A
Posts: 69
|
That was really good, especially if your signature is true and you're only twelve. Keep writing! If you don't want to post it, you can PM me...I'm young around here too, only 15
Katie |
|
|
Similar Threads | ||||
Thread | Thread Starter | Forum | Replies | Last Post |
What All Was Wrong with PJ's LOTR | Wally | Lord of the Rings Movies | 425 | 08-14-2016 08:43 AM |
How to take a Ring from an unwilling Ring-wielder? - crazy ideas | Gordis | Middle Earth | 217 | 10-03-2013 03:43 PM |
Ring's sentience and Ring detection | Gordis | Lord of the Rings Books | 17 | 01-04-2008 09:37 AM |
Why did the Ring betray Isildur? | Nurvingiel | Middle Earth | 138 | 12-24-2007 01:52 PM |
One Ring Ownership Legal Issue and my Response | patentcad | Middle Earth | 7 | 03-29-2005 04:01 PM |