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09-06-2007, 08:39 PM | #1 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
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Rules Are Meant to Be Broken Discussion
I'm going to remind you from the start this is a work in progress. I'd like to hear your feedback on this
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
09-12-2007, 08:29 AM | #2 |
Kraken King
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Location: Under the sea
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Whoa.... I dont really know what's going on, but that's good
This looks pretty good, I wasnt going to post until you extended the story a little bit, but I went ahead and did anyway. I really am curious about Ryman, and the queen also has me asking questions. Please keep writing!
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One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons |
09-12-2007, 05:22 PM | #3 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
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Thanks, Nautipus. This is acually the first story I wrote in my current style. Hopefully, it'll be better than Dragonmaiden.
I'll give warning now. Later posts in this story will contain some language
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
09-12-2007, 10:03 PM | #4 |
Kraken King
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Under the sea
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Well, so far your current style has me hooked.
These story seems to be moving at an almost frenzied pace, and under normal circumstances I would say slow down, but it flows so well right now that it would be unnecessary. Thanks for the warning, by the way.
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One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons |
09-16-2007, 04:29 PM | #5 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
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You're welcome. Sorry about just now getting a new post in. Been working double shifts at work.
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
09-17-2007, 12:31 PM | #6 |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
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I might not get another post in until maybe next wed or thursday
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"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
12-09-2007, 09:47 PM | #7 |
Fenway Ranger, Lord of Red Sox Nation
Join Date: Aug 2005
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Not bad. You really need to work on the formatting, it really gets hard when it comes to quotes, I can't tell who's speaking. Beyond that, the plot's decent. I like the idea of the Pendant, that's a cool concept. There were also a couple of interesting plot twists.
But I'd really like to see more character development. If you focused more on specific characters, instead of narrating what happened, it would work much better. It would also be cool if you didn't make some things quite as obvious or stated. If Ryman is distrusted by Claudious, you should show that in little ways.
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Adventure...betrayal...heroism... Atharon: where heroes are born. My wife once said to me—when I'd been writing for ten or fifteen years—that I could always go back to being a nuclear engineer. And I said to her, 'Harriet, would you let someone who quit his job to go write fantasy anywhere near your nuclear reactor? I wouldn't!' (Robert Jordan) |
01-08-2008, 12:26 PM | #8 |
Kraken King
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Under the sea
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Awwwww. Is that the end of the story? It was pretty good. It was definately a better ending than I thought might happen. Cant wait to see more of your stories.
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One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons |
01-09-2008, 07:16 PM | #9 | |
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
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Quote:
How did you think it would end? Well, we got email
__________________
"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
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01-09-2008, 07:45 PM | #10 | |||
Kraken King
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Under the sea
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Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
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One of my top ten favorite movies. "You ever try to flick a fly? "No." "It's a waste of time." "Can you see it?" "No." "It's right there!" "Where? "There!" "What is it?" "A crab." "A crab? I dont see any crab." "How?! It's right there!!" "Where?" "There!!!!" "Oh." -Excerpts from A Tale of Two Morons |
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01-09-2008, 09:24 PM | #11 | ||
Halfelven Daughter of the Dunedain, President of Entmoot
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: In trouble. As usual.
Posts: 4,674
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Quote:
Quote:
__________________
"Acaly und Hektor fur Presidants fur EntMut fur life!"~ inked Don't meddle in the affairs of Dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup. "Don't be such a sour wolf" Stiles ~ Heart Monitor http://www.wattpad.com/user/IceQueenofMitera |
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