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04-05-2004, 03:39 PM | #1 |
The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator
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Eärniel's short stories
[EDIT 11/01/2010: I've bundled all threads about my stories for (I admit, mostly mine) convenience. I wanted to keep taps on what I publish where so the texts have been removed.]
This story was originally written for the Entmoot Anthology. It was beta-d by the lovely Tanoliel. Since the anthology sadly enough bit the dust, I thought I could as well post it here. It is the first story that I ever wrote and finished since essays in secondary school some years ago.
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04-05-2004, 03:39 PM | #2 |
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text deleted
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04-05-2004, 08:02 PM | #3 |
Elf Lord
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That was a very neat story. It to some respect reminded me of the North American Indians. Those cats just had that kind of feel, to me. The story held my attention very well.
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04-06-2004, 12:38 AM | #4 |
Domesticated Swing Babe
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What a nice story Earniel! It would have been perfect for the anthology! I wonder where Entlover has been of late...she should read it. I must know...how do you pronounce "tawrhee"? A good little story.
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04-06-2004, 09:41 AM | #5 |
mystical divinity of Unashamed Felinity
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This is one of those stories I wish I'd have thought of!!!
It's too bad there isn't an anthology for this. It's absolutely great! Has a real English/Irish legendary feel to it. *sigh* I posted a tale "A Story Rejected" some time ago. I tried to create a myth there as well. Take a look (if you haven't already) and let me know what you think. Very nice job!!
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"Never try to out-stubborn a cat!" -- R. Heinlein ~~~~~~~~~ "But I don't want to be among mad people, " Alice remarked. "Oh, but you can't help that," said the Cat; "We're all mad here. I'm mad. You're mad." "How do you know I'm mad?" said Alice. "You must be," said the Cat, "or you wouldn't have come here." ~~ Lewis Carroll ~~~~~~~~~~~ Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana... |
04-06-2004, 03:31 PM | #6 |
A'mael Dalharen Eldarele
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Very nice story, Eärniel! It sucked me in right from the first mentioning of these mysterious cats, and the interest remained to the very end. Hurray for you
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04-08-2004, 08:59 AM | #7 | |
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Quote:
I don't pronounce Tawrhee in any special way, so I suppose any way of pronouncing it is okay. Thanks for all the really nice comments, people. Now I feel all happy.
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04-09-2004, 11:29 AM | #8 |
Domesticated Swing Babe
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Good!(Entlover read it) I guess it's "tauree" then. What kind of sound do they make...chirpy or meowy? I mean, besides the telepathic thing...Sorry, I'm being a dork!
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04-10-2004, 05:15 AM | #9 |
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LOL!
I'm going for 'meowy' since they're technically still cats.
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11-15-2004, 05:33 PM | #10 |
Entmoot Attorney-General,
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I really liked the story, Eärniel. It was lovely.
It was sort of cosy to read the conversation in the pub. Made you remember when you were young and of listened to the grown-ups's fairy tales at the fireplace. Feathered cats - now that sounds like beasts that would fit in any mythology. I liked how they talked with their eyes How did you come up with these animals? I liked the ending too... *realizes the spoiler code probably didn't make the upgrade to vBulletin3* Oh well, I liked it I hope the fact that your story became a "moderator's choice" on Elfwood will inspire you to write some more
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11-15-2004, 06:23 PM | #11 |
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I can't believe that I didn't comment on this when it was posted up! Anyway, I really enjoyed it Smearniel, and I'm glad it's received the accolades it clearly deserves. You *should* try to get it published. 'Course you might have difficulty since you've made it public over the 'net.
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11-15-2004, 06:41 PM | #12 | ||
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Why couldn't you get it published? You still own the idea, whether it's on the net or not.
I read your story and I thought it was totally brilliant! I love how this new world came alive in such a short tale.
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11-15-2004, 07:37 PM | #13 | |
the Shrike
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Quote:
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08-31-2004, 07:07 AM | #14 |
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[Text has been removed]
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08-31-2004, 07:07 AM | #15 |
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[Text has been removed]
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08-31-2004, 07:10 AM | #16 |
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All comments about grammar, language, style, story and what not are appreciated. You can say in all honesty what you think of this short story of mine.
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09-06-2004, 03:34 AM | #17 |
Elf Lord
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I really like the description. I wish I knew more about the horse, but I guess I'm all right with the amount of knowledge that is revealed. It would require a longer story to do much more. There's a lot left unexplained though, I feel at the end.
However, I really do like the description. The pictures of the man riding, the descriptions of his experience, the whole way the story is written is very well done. I love the writing style. No grammar errors leapt out at me, but I wasn't really looking for them. On the whole, I felt this was very well done .
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09-08-2004, 01:47 PM | #18 |
The Chocoholic Sea Elf Administrator
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I'm glad you liked.
Short stories are easier to get the sentences 'just right' the way you want it. Even though this particular story was written in one go and has undergone surprisingly little editing. Usually I rewrite and rewrite and then edit some more. What elements in particular do you feel I should have explained more? What do you think is lacking?
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06-08-2007, 03:59 PM | #19 |
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Eärniel's short stories
I've got this story on which I'd love to have some feed-back. It's finished but some scenes still seem to grate a little and despite numerous edits I can't seem to get them to my satisfaction. Normally I hate posting anything before it's properly corrected and edited but I guess that has to do for now.
The story is 8600 words long, longer than my pervious writings and I know my writing tends to suffer in longer stories. I may have expanded a little too far in the area of scene setting and explanation. I like the climax, but the bus-stop scene feels a bit week. There's some mild violence and a shooting. I'd love to get thorough comments on this one, even if negative. You may totally be frank. If you notice any error in grammar, spelling or even plot line, don't hesitate to mention it. If there are paragraphs that you think are superfluous, dialogs that can be shortened, this can also help me already along in improving it. Thanks in advance. [Text has been removed.]
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We are not things. Last edited by Earniel : 06-22-2007 at 03:33 PM. |
06-08-2007, 05:03 PM | #20 |
Elf Lord
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I liked it Eärniel. It was good. But the ending! I want to read more. Did Randolph and Morgan really die? What happens? I think you could really go with this.
I noticed two things: Max says that "The water’s just cooked." I think that should be 'just boiled'. also: the journalist says "The majority of shops has now disappeared or stands empty." I think that should be 'The majority of shops have now disappeared or stand empty.'
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